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Elon Announces New Safe Space For Idiots Who Give Him Money, It Is The 'For You' Tab
Also it is his polls.
We didn't know we would so quickly need to update our last post on what a joke Elon Musk has turned Twitter into.
Coming out of the weekend, Elon was desperately trying to get people to pay a discounted seven bucks a month for a meaningless blue checkmark, just as he was now valuing his own bad $44 billion investment at $20 billion, which still sounds a bit high to us to be quite honest. Probably just a gut feeling on our part.
People have been getting messages saying their "legacy" blue checkmarks will be going away starting April 1, at which point only idiots who pay for it will have them.
Of course, this won't mean those people are "verified" in any true sense of the word. There's just somebody back there behind that credit card number stupid enough to give Elon money.
Oh, also in the past week, he tried and hilariously failed to do a "that's what she said" joke. We didn't know it was possible to fuck up that comedy construction. It's literally a paint-by-numbers for people who can't do comedy on their own two wheels. But Elon can't.
Then last night Elon tweeted this:
If you are not on Twitter, the "For You" recommendations are a mandatory tab where Elon forces right-wing garbage into your mouth. It is supposedly based on "algorithm," but in our experience, "algorithm" feels like it just shows you things it thinks you might find personally disgusting or offensive, AKA Daily Wire hosts, in the name of "fairness." Regardless of how the "for you" sausage is made, it's extremely poorly designed.
And now Elon says the only "realistic way" to stop the AI bots is to make it so "For You" is only made up of people stupid enough to pay Elon money every month. Presumably this will keep a bunch of the right-wing influencers in there, and add in just a bunch of regular every day mom-and-pop Nazis who are stupid enough to pay Elon money every month.
Look, it's the tab Elon made For You! Is it what you always wanted?
Also you cannot vote in polls unless you are stupid enough to pay Elon money every month.
And of course there is this:
Exactly. If only people stupid enough to give Elon money vote in polls, then polls Elon makes will confirm his thin-skinned biases, because they won't be full of people who make fun of him for his inability to make a basic "That's what she said" joke.
Again, these blue checkmarked accounts will not actually be "verified" accounts in any true sense of the word. Just people who pony up the cash Elon so desperately needs. Yesterday, those accounts spent a lot of time spreading disinformation about the Nashville mass shooter. All the best people.
And we guess Elon's kind of fine with the blue checkmarked accounts being meaningless, just a safe space for accounts that won't make fun of him, because he added:
Want to hear a REALLY funny piece of Twitter failure news? They're testing an option for idiots who pay Elon money every month to HIDE their checkmarks, so people can't make fun of THEM for giving Elon money every month.
Of course, we guess if a bunch of no-checkmarkers start showing up in the "For You" safe space tab, we'll all still know and people can make fun of them accordingly.
For further Twitter weirdness, take gander through its list of the 35 VIPs it has secretly been boosting. It is a weird list .
This is definitely exactly how you run a company. No notes.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!
And once that doesn't exist, I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@firstname.lastname@example.org) and at Post!
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