While Jeff Bezos has been curb-stomping the credibility of The Washington Post so that the other billionaires will sit with him at lunch, his under-scribes have been toiling away in his word-mines. And Maria Sacchetti, Faiz Siddiqui and Nick Miroff have dug up the world’s richest nugget: Elon Musk was an illegal immigrant. (He, of course, denies it.)
Have a gift article! Ha, that picture they used of him, what a tool.
Anyway, as it turns out, long before his litter of children, hair weave and illegal immigrant conspiracy theories, Musk was a Canadian citizen (via his mother) who got into Stanford University and came to the US on a student-work visa in 1995. But he never actually enrolled at Stanford, as the student-work visa requires. Instead, he stole an American job working for a company, Global Link Information Network. It would have been legal to work there if he’d kept up his studies, but he didn’t.
He and his brother Kimbal also reportedly lied to federal agents at the Canadian border, telling them they were coming to the US to sit in the audience of “The David Letterman Show,” instead of to take the jobs of American citizens. That’s “fraud on entry,” a violation of 8 USC 118 that should have made him inadmissible to the US for the rest of his life, and made him ineligible for citizenship.
All was fine and good until the company, later called Zip2, aspired to go public or merge, and the venture capital fund that wanted to invest in it realized this was potentially going to cause a big problem with the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). Worried a board member at the time, “We don’t want our founder being deported.” They gave the Musk brothers 45 days to work their immigration shit out, and eventually they did. And Zip2 made $300 million when it sold in 1999.
Immigration records aren’t public information, but Phony Stark, so confident that the law did not apply to him as a rich, white man with a prematurely receding hairline, freely admitted it. “I was legally there, but I was meant to be doing student work,” he told a podcast in 2020. “I didn’t really care much for the degree, but I had no money for a lab and no legal right to stay in the country, so [taking a deserving student’s spot at Stanford with no actual intention of studying there] seemed like a good way to solve both issues.”
Immune to hypocrisy and irony, Space Karen hasn’t let up on railing against illegal immigrants, even after the story broke. He retweeted, “make it very difficult to come into the country illegally,” and added, “give responsibility for streamlining legal immigration management to a competent company, as the bureaucracy is utterly broken. It is literally easier for a serial killer to get into America than a Nobel Prize winner!”
It’s all really weird since Elon is currently meddling in America’s election to elect Donald Trump, while apparently secretly having all these love chats with Vladimir Putin. Wouldn’t it be a Dark Brandon move to deport him back to Canada right this minute? Ha! Shouldn’t he at least get his top secret security clearance revoked? Or have his $3 billion worth of government contracts re-examined? Hyuk, if those phone conversations with Putin, musing about Kamala Harris getting assassinated and huffing ketamine didn’t do it, though, this probably won’t either.
That’s a shame. Joe Biden at least had some sharp words to say, though. “He was supposed to be in school when he came on a student visa. He wasn’t in school. He was violating the law. He’s talking about all these ‘illegals’ coming our way.”
Musk then denied what he’d previously admitted, tweeting, “I was in fact allowed to work in the US. The Biden puppet is lying.” Musk blabs with Putin so much, he’s even starting to talk like him, apparently.
Boy, it’s a shame how Jeff Bezos has tanked the reputation of the Post! The world needs good reporting now more than ever. There’s no such thing as “the media.” There’s just reporters, who did not get into it for the money, but the pleasure of bringing discomfort to the comfortable. And editors, usually former reporters who reluctantly accepted a promotion after their disdain for management became all-consuming. Publishers and owners are usually off in their own worlds, occupied with buying their girlfriends fancy panties and dresses made out of panties, and they typically don’t bother with anything that happens in the newsroom, unless their friends bring it up at the cigar bar. The Post’s hardworking reporters deserve so much better.
And Elon doesn’t deserve a damn thing he has.
Life is not fair.
Of course he didn't like college. Professors push back on your stupidity and even the other students will pounce on you if you don't bring receipts.
Of course he fucking was. "Fuck you I've got mine" until the end of fucking time.