Baby girl, is your bleach-blonde bad-built butch body ready for more Jasmine Crockett today? Or your buxom brunette beach body, or your rip-roaring rail-thin redhead body? Or your beer-built bear-shaped bumper-car body? Whatever you got, sit its fine ass down!
Four Project 2025 architects showed up for a hearing in the House on Thursday, and boy oh boy did it not go well for them. Democrats, tipped off by the title of the hearing, “A Legacy of Incompetence: Consequences of the Biden-Harris Administration’s Policy Failures,” and how the committee chair is Kentucky fried yee-haw Rep. James Comer, came loaded for metaphorical bear, and it turned into a scorcher!
The whole thing is four hours long, so probably don’t watch it all unless you’re absolutely glued to your couch. There’s lots of good stuff, so let’s talk about the meaty bits!
Maryland’s Jamie Raskin kicked it off: “The majority has assembled a group of leading Project 2025 intellectuals for a Project 2025 coming-out party today; the witnesses will advertise their wares, which almost makes me a bit nostalgic, Chairman, for the days my colleagues said they were pursuing President Joe Biden for the worst presidential crime in America history, which unfortunately they were never able to identify, which they now appear to have dropped completely.”
Ah yes, years of Joe Biden hearings. Like sand through the hourglass, so were the days of our lives. Can’t the committee talk about Hunter Biden’s dong one more time, just for old times’ sake?
PREVIOUSLY!
Raskin pointed out how Republicans have refused to hold a single hearing about gun violence, other than the one about when Trump got his ear shot in Pennsylvania in July, and that there have been 101 mass shootings since then. Hey, how about some criminal background checks? How about some red flag laws? But nooo, instead of something like that, Comer has assembled these Project 2025 brain geniuses, “so they can audition for Trump’s approval and land a spot on his Cabinet, or sub-cabinet, a fate not necessarily to be envied if you talk to former vice president Mike Pence.” Or Esper, or Bolton, or Cassidy Hutchinson, or the more than a hundred other former Republican officials who found that the job was not really all that. “But here we are, with these Project 2025 luminaries.” LOL!
Before we get to Crockett, would you like to see Mark Krikorian, director of the right-wing Center for Immigration Studies and a Project 2025 advisor, admit that he said it would have been “better in the long run” if Haiti had had slavery for 30 more years? Probably not, but here’s the clip anyway:
Well, that was painful. So here’s Jasmine Crockett bringing up how Trump’s name is in the Project 2025 document 312 times! Skye Perryman was the only one on the panel who was not Project 2025-affiliated, she is one of the good guys, CEO of a legal organization that does things like fight book bans, so everybody pretty much ignored her all day. Watch her smile while Crockett loses her patience with Brendan Carr’s bullshit.
“You know what, this hearing is actually the best example of what waste, fraud, and abuse looks like, because the only reason we're having this hearing is because somebody got their feelings hurt in a debate, and I don't understand why we're wasting taxpayer dollars.”
“This election is the best example of why y’all are so afraid of [DEI] because then you can’t have a simple-minded, under-qualified white man. […] You’ve got to pay attention to the qualified Black woman that is on the other side.”
Yep, that about sums it up! Though to be fair, they also had plenty of tax-dollar-wasting bullshit hearings when smart-minded, qualified Old Handsome Joe was the candidate too.
Low-sodium-saltine-looking Brendan Carr is a commissioner at the Federal Communications Communication (FCC), and he wrote the Project 2025 manifesto section on the FCC. Er, was that a misuse of his position and a Hatch Act violation? His Project 2025 contributions are to opine that conservative loyalists should be running the FCC, and it should get rid of regulations. Won’t TV be great again when the Sinclair Broadcast Group can own everything? The mandate also calls on punishment for media companies that ban users for espousing “conservative viewpoints,” like how people should cure COVID by eating horse paste and shine lights up their assholes, or marinate kids in honey instead of vaccinating them.
The other Project 2025 luminaries there for their Trump tryout:
Meaghan Mobbs! She is Director of the Center for American Safety and Security at the Independent Women’s Forum, and she was there to blame Joe Biden for Afghanistan, and blame him for Russia invading Ukraine. Thanks for stopping by.
And Mandy Gunasekara! She is a Project 2025 author who was in the Trump administration as the former chief of staff to EPA chief Andrew Wheeler, the guy who was previously a coal lobbyist. Gunasekara has a book coming out called Y’all Fired: A Southern Belle’s Guide to Restoring Federalism and Draining the Swamp. Very folksy, very trad!
Won’t it be nice, y’all, when Trump’s billionaire pals can drain out that dirty swamp water and replace it with fresh freedom juice? Her part of Project 2025 was writing about how the EPA is “coercive,” full of “activists,” “job killing” and so on, wah wah, so the agency should get restructured, staffed by party loyalists, and the federal government should fuck on off and leave regulation to the states, instead of trying to deal with air pollution like a bunch of nagging downers. (Her chapter starts at page 417, if you would like to read it.)
It wasn’t Rep. Jasmine Crockett’s first time encountering some Project 2025 creeps, and it’s a joy every time. Here she is roasting contributing author and condescending little shit Gene Hamilton back in May for that whole turning-the-American-military-against-citizens part.
Last month, Crockett was named a co-chair for Kamala Harris’s presidential campaign, an excellent choice! Don’t come for her, unless you want to wind up like poor old Marge, with an alliterative nickname so unshakeable it’ll end up etched on your tombstone.
LIKE SO.
Should’ve said beer-built bear-shaped bumper car body, always think of the best lines too late.
You know, I'm beginning to think that not everything is on the up-and-up with this "Project 2025" idea.