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Eric Trump Says Daddy Can Be Speaker And Daddy Will Have The Biggest Gavel And Maybe Daddy Will Let Him Bang The Gavel And
Things are not going well for the Republican Party, not after Matt Gaetz forced a government shutdown of former Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s FACE.
(And no, he didn’t do it with Democrats’ help, it’s just that Democrats refused to step in and save Republicans from themselves, because fuck them. As Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez says, “I am not his mom, and my job is not to put pool noodles around hard corners for Republicans.” Jamie Raskin asked, “When the monster turns around to attack them, why do we suddenly have to become their babysitter?” More on that here and here.)
Axios is out this morning with the shocking scoop that the House GOP is “quietly panic[king] over how to escape its self-inflicted mess.” Yeah, you think? It’s in especially stark relief since they’re supposed to be voting on a new speaker next week.
The “moderates” in the party — LMAO, the media really needs to learn that words have definitions — won’t support somebody who won’t get rid of the rule that says that if Matt Gaetz is constipated that day, he’s allowed to oust the speaker. Meanwhile, some of the “conservatives” won’t support anybody who supports Ukraine aid against Mother Russia, or who doesn’t support impeaching Joe Biden for no discernible reason.
Meanwhile some more, Republican senators are gazing toward the other side of the building, horrified that whoever comes along to eat Kevin’s leftover shit might cause a government shutdown, or end up falling to the same fate as Kevin if they don’t accede to whatever the Cialis and Red Bill Caucus demands.
What a pickle these Republicans have sitted on!
Of course, there’s a solution, and its name is not “Steve Scalise” or “Jim Jordan.” It is to pick Donald Trump and make Congress great again! It’s what all the lunatics want, and we think it would just go really well for them.
Eric Trump seems really excited about Daddy being speaker and getting to go to work with Daddy and Daddy letting him hold the gavel and Daddy would need a really big gavel because Daddy is the toughest Daddy ever!
[Eric Trump] went on Newsmax and said it would be “the coolest damn thing in the entire world.” […]
“I would make sure he got a bigger gavel than the small little one that they have,” he told Newsmax anchor Carl Higbie, adding that ideally it would be a “huge gavel.”
TFW you think Daddy’s hands are regular-sized but that’s not true.
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Yesterday, outside the courtroom for his New York fraud trial, which is separate from his 91 felony indictments across four national and state jurisdictions, Eric’s daddy said “a lot of people” were calling him and asking him to be speaker (probably with tears in their eyes, big strong men asking him and calling him “sir”). He said, “All I can say is we’ll do whatever’s best for the country and the Republican Party,” which sounds pretty unenthusiastic. He also said:
“A lot of people have asked me about it. I’m focused… you know we’re leading by like 50 points for president. My focus is totally on that,” he stated. “If I can help them during the process, I would do it. But we have some great people in the Republican Party who can do a great job as speaker.”
Sorry, Eric. No cool daddies to take to school on career day this year.
OR ARE THERE?
Trump spent the rest of the day on Truth Social posting pictures of himself with (regular-sized) gavels, posts and clips from batshit MAGA monkeys like Steve Bannon and Marjorie Taylor Greene begging him to become speaker, and even an article from The Gateway Pundit about how he should be speaker.
Maybe Eric can have a cool Daddy for career day after all!
Unless Trump is just trolling and jingling keys for his dog-brained followers.
It’s that. It’s always that.
Sorry, Eric! Maybe Daddy can Zoom into career day from prison.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.