Republicans Should DEFINITELY Try To Make Trump The Next Speaker. What Could Go Wrong?
Don't worry, y'all are nailing it.
Here it comes, everybody, it’s time for the Republican Creeperstakes Speakerstakes! Open wide!
According to new jackhole nerd (acting) Speaker of the House Patrick McHenry, there will be a vote on a new speaker next week on October 11. But who will it be?
What talented white man or woman but probably man will come forward to be received with gratitude and acclaim by the full caucus of united Republicans, eager to get back to the work of the American people?
Uh. Well.
Some people have said Jim Jordan. That would go great, Democrats would win 100 extra seats next year, go for it.
But lots of people hate him and he’s a fucking weirdo, so probably nah.
Some people are saying Majority Whip Tom Emmer of Minnesota. Some people including Tom Emmer of Minnesota are saying Majority Leader Steve Scalise. Still others are saying Republican Study Committee Chairman Kevin Hern of Oklahoma.
They have no fuckin’ idea. Remember how many votes it took for McCarthy to get the votes? Remember how a tiny handful of batshit crazy people led by Matt Gaetz kicked McCarthy out last night after a hilariously short 269 days? (With the help of Democrats, who are legends for not caving and saving him from his own caucus.)
Ryan Zinke of Montana said, “Right now, I’m not sure Jesus could make it through.”
This is not a real political party we’re dealing with.
But maybe there’s another solution! Sean Hannity said last night that Donald Trump might be legitimately interested in taking the job, “at least in the short term, if necessary.” No, for real!
SEAN HANNITY: [S]ources telling me at this hour some House Republicans have been in contact with and have started an effort to draft former president Donald Trump to be the next speaker and I have been told that President Trump might be open to helping the Republican Party at least in the short term, if necessary.
Guess nobody has told Trump that being speaker is a J-O-B and doesn’t involve simply speaking. You have to, like, show up and do speaker things. You can’t really do it from court. Or prison. And you’re not supposed to take bribes.
But y’all, there is a whole thing brewing out there. The biggest lunatics in the MAGA lunatic movement have babbled about this idea here and there over the years, but they’re really doing it hard now. Jim Jordan babbled to Hannity about it last night, saying that if he wants to, “he’d be great,” and he wants him to be president, but “that’s fine” if Trump wants to. We guess he’d just have to add it to his current daily schedule of “Be indicted 91 times” and “Go tell morons in Iowa about windmills and sharks.”
MAGA seditionist Rep. Troy Nehls nominated Trump for the speakership last night on Twitter (the traditional nominating place) once he heard McCarthy wouldn’t be running again. So did Rep. Greg Steube. Matt Gaetz didn’t rule the idea out last night, but in a cagey roundabout way.
The Daily Beast reports that Alex Jones and Steve Bannon both suggested it last night.
Newsmax host moron Carl Higbie suggested himself, and then said it could be somebody whose name “rhymes with Trump.” Which, um, that’s … that’s not how you say that. Unless he was meaning to suggest Forrest Gump or indispensable Washington Post writer Philip Bump or someone else whose name actually rhymes with Trump.
And there’s the greatest lunatic of them all, Marjorie Taylor Greene. Take a deep breath, because she goes on and on and on:
“The only candidate for Speaker I am currently supporting is President Donald J. Trump. He will end the war in Ukraine. He will secure the border. He will end the politically weaponized government. He will make America energy independent again. He will pass my bill to stop transgender surgeries on kids and keep men out of women’s sports. He will support our military and police. And so much more! He has a proven 4 year record as President of the United States of America. He received a record number of Republican votes of any Republican Presidential candidate! We can make him Speaker and then elect him President! He will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!”
With an American flag emoji, obvs.
Marjorie Taylor Greene is so far out of her league, so above her pay grade, so permanently outside her service coverage area that she thinks Trump can do all these things as speaker. She probably thinks he can do both at the same time.
We’d hate to steal her joy. Not today.
So we really hope these idiots try. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. It’s the only way to teach us Democrats the lesson we really need to learn.
If they think they’ve been successful heretofore, whoa, just wait until they elect Donald Trump speaker and he waddles out of Mar-a-Lago to show up to work exactly never, thinking he can do “Congress” while squatting atop his golden toilet.
Oh wait, though. Lawyer Tristan Snell notes that according to Republicans’ own rules — should they decide to follow them — Trump couldn’t serve as speaker, precisely because he’s so numerously fucking indicted:
Guess Trump’s indictments are Election Interference AND Speaker Interference now.
But that’s only if Republicans follow their own rules. Would every single one of them go for that? LMAO.
We cannot wait to see what kind of bullshit they do next week.
Please please please please please please try it, Republicans. Y’all are awesome at governing, you’ve got this!
[Media Matters / video via Acyn]
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Yeah, ordinarily anybody so busy with defending himself in the, I dunno, dozen(?) court cases our orange oaf is involved in would realize he probably doesn’t have time to put the work in to be Speaker. But we are talking about somebody that never did the work for anything (remember “Executive time?”), so he no doubt thinks he can fake his way through this too. You’d think ‘Pubbies would recognize the limitations of this strategy for accomplishing anything, but since they are more interested in trolling than working themselves…
Holy fuck, The Republican party is like: I shot my balls, but I missed part of one testicle, so I should take another shot.