Ex-Trump Org CFO Allen Weisselberg Pleads Guilty, Again

Poor Donald Trump keeps getting surrounded by all these criminals!

Mar 04, 2024

Sallow-pallored former Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg, the toadiest Trump toady of all, is back in cuffs again after pleading guilty to two counts of perjury for lying at the Trump Org New York civil fraud trial. Because 100 days in Rikers and having to pay back millions already wasn’t enough to prove his love to the Big Guy!

As you may recall, at trial last October the liver-spotted accountant was abruptly yoinked off the stand with an Apollo-Theater-sized clown hook, hours after Forbes reporter Dan Alexander published a piece entitled “Trump’s Longtime CFO Lied, Under Oath, About Trump Tower Penthouse,” and delivered his receipts to the AG, apparently catching Weisselberg some new charges and making Judge Arthur Engoron declare Grade-A bullshit on all of his testimony.

On the stand, in between “do not recalls,” Weisselberg had fiddle-dee-deed that he "never focused" on calculating the square footage of former President Donald Trump's three-floor Trump Tower penthouse, which the Trump Org had valuated using numbers that were more than triple its actual square footage, yawning that it was a trifle that simply wasn’t worth his time.

“I never focused on the triplex, to be honest with you,” he flitted. “It was almost de minimis relative to his net worth, so I really didn’t focus on it… I never even thought about the apartment,” he insisted, over and over.

In reality, of course, AW focused on it BIGLY and nonstop, hounding Alexander and other Forbes reporters with the fervor of a Taylor Swift stalker for literal years, trying to grind them down and convince them to accept inflated valuations so the Big Boss could mushroom-inch his way up the list of richest people. In 2012, AW whined to Forbes that the apartment was worth $88 million. In 2013, $200 million. In 2014, $163 million.

When a reporter told AW the cloud-cuckooland values weren’t happening because no apartment had sold for more than $90 million in Manhattan at that point, Weisselberg then insisted the property was six separate apartments (it was not).

In 2015, Trump and Weisselberg even hosted reporters for a personal tour to try to convince them of the penthouse’s value, repeating their mantra/lie that the apartment listed as 10,966 feet in property records was actually 30,000, or maybe even 33,000! For their hospitality, Forbes published a story entitled, “Donald Trump Has Been Lying About The Size Of His Penthouse.”

That was back before Weisselberg pleaded guilty to tax fraud and served his time at Rikers, after his pissed-off former daughter-in-law Jennifer delivered receipts to the DA about all the untaxed benefits Weisselberg and her ex Barry had gotten from the Trump Org.

Why would an old man go to jail for Trump? Explained Jennifer to the New Yorker: "His whole worth is 'Does Donald like me today?' It's his whole life, his core being. He's obsessed. He has more feelings and adoration for Donald than for his wife.”

Kind of sad that the feeling ain’t mutual. Oh well. Enjoy going back to jail, Allen, bye!