Last week, whilst we were all celebrating the midterm elections, Bug Hall — whom you may remember as the kid who played Alfalfa in the The Little Rascals movie that our younger sisters made us watch 47,000 times, who is now a deeply misogynistic self-proclaimed “Catholic extremist” who lives out in the Ozarks with his shoeless children who we can probably assume have not had their tetanus shots — asked for some money.
Specifically, he asked for $2000 on a GoFundMe, promising to end the fundraiser after getting to that goal. This is after having supposedly given away all of his money from his career as a child actor and taken a “vow of poverty,” a thing normal Catholics really only tend to do when they are priests or monks or nuns without, you know, whole families to take care of, nevermind five children with one on the way.
Hall does not, as far as we are aware, currently have a job. Rather he is homesteading … and not doing a very good job of it! As it turns out, his career as a child actor and guy who appeared on a few procedurals here and there after that did not adequately prepare him for digging wells and felling trees. Who would have thought!
On GoFundMe, he wrote:
It’s now six years since I self-cancelled, and I have avoided doing one of these in all that time. I always said this was my choice, and so I didn’t want to offload the glorious burden of it unless there was no other choice. Well here we are.
We’ve made it onto the new land in record time, but I’m a few materials short of having things working right, and I’ve fallen a little behind on the few bills we have (phone, propane for the camper, and an unexpected electric hookup service fee).
We’re all overjoyed to be where we are, and we’re even enjoying roughing it, but baby six is less than a month away, and I really need some help getting the last few things buttoned up beforehand.
My hope is to finalize everything here over the next two weeks so I can take some work until the baby arrives. Times are hard for everyone, and I’m no more deserving than anyone else, but I ask in your charity that you help where you can, whether monetarily, by sharing this, or by prayer and sacrifice for the Hall-Barnetts of the Holy Cross.
First of all, he did not “self-cancel” in 2020 so much as he got arrested for huffing air duster and also did not have much of a career to speak of at that point. He then went off some kind of deep end, decided to give up on acting, moved to the middle of nowhere, grew a ridiculous Duck Dynasty beard and got quiverfull with it. He now has four daughters and a son with another on the way.
Oh, I’m sorry. I said daughters. I should have said “dishwashers,” because that’s how he referred to them after his son was born and he announced that he “finally” had an heir.
Unsurprisingly, many people saw this and were rather surprised that a far-right conservative like himself would be out here asking for a handout, like the so many of those he had previously mocked and shamed.
Many of them suggested that he get a job or consider not having 12 million kids if he could not provide for them, to which he responded “I’m going to keep impregnating my wife.”
Lucky her!
Initially, there were also loads of MAGA types defending him over on Xitter, but I forgot to take screenshots and can barely find any of them anymore, as it seems they have mostly been deleted or eaten up by the algorithm. Spooky!
I did, however, manage to find this very hilarious tweet from some good conservative who suggested “that society should actually be ordered towards family.”
So like, what would that look like? What would it look like for society to be ordered towards family? Would that, I don’t know, involve providing health care and child care for people who are poor and not on purpose? Perhaps even some financial literacy classes for men who buy their wife and children relatively pricey matching dresses but don’t buy them shoes so that they’re not just standing in the mud in bare feet? Or would that just be “common sense” classes. Hard to be sure!
Because the internet is always going to internet, Hall’s GoFundMe started going far beyond $2000, with the family raking in a bunch of “own the libs” money from the kinds of conservatives who would also eagerly shame other people for refusing to work and “asking for handouts.” This included Google co-founder Sergey Brin’s girlfriend, Gerelyn Gilbert-Soto, who donated $2000 on her own and clearly isn’t into the whole “don’t be evil” thing (though it seems they all gave up on that a while ago). Initially, Hall claimed that he was unable to cancel it when it went over the initial amount because so many people were reporting it for fraud and the site was investigating it. Now? Well, now that it’s gone up to $30,000, he says he’s keeping it all because it’s obviously what God wants for him.
And God wants him to have a tractor, okay? A tractor that he probably also will not be able to figure out how to use.
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Here is what gets me about this. It’s so very clear that Republicans don’t actually have all that much of a problem with people having 20 million kids and not working because they don’t feel like it, or with those people asking for handouts — so long as those people look like creepy Bug Hall and his family. They don’t need Bug Hall to pull himself up by his bootstraps, or lack thereof (unless he gets to have footwear). They’re actually just super racist. Surprise!
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
A Hollywood child actor who became totally fucked up as an adult?
That’s umpossible!
FORNICATING WITH DEADBEATS!
Great, I finally have an album title.