FBI Guarding Kash Patel's Girlfriend, He's Well-Liked Enough To Do That, Right?

No.

Bug-eyed shitweasel Kash Patel, nature’s answer to the question What if a person with the approximate IQ of a cucumber served in government?, may be getting in a spot of trouble for abusing the perks available to him as FBI director. Again.

Remember, it was not long ago that Patel was busted taking a private government plane to Pennsylvania so he could watch his girlfriend, Alexis Wilkins, sing at some Z-list wrestling event. Then he flew her home to Nashville. This was while the government was shut down, so there was a chance none of the people involved in getting the plane where it was going was paid for their work. This dude’s sense of entitlement makes Edward VI look like an orphaned street urchin in a Victorian novel.

Now the Website Formerly Known as MSNBC reports that Patel has taken the biggest step a man can take when he finds a woman he truly loves: he has assigned Wilkins an FBI security detail made up of a SWAT team from the Bureau’s Nashville office.

What did you do for your girlfriend this week? Oh, you took her to Sweet Frog? That’s cute.

We’d be mad at Patel for making other single guys look bad, but then we remembered that no matter what he ever accomplishes, he’s still Kash Patel.

SWAT team agents on a detail with Wilkins would presumably be unable to respond or delayed in responding to crises that might develop in their territory, such as mass shootings or terror attacks, according to the sources[,]

Lucky we’re in America, where such things simply do not happen.

This news also comes at a time when Patel is getting his ass kicked up and down Pennsylvania Avenue for his poor management of FBI resources. He has fired many senior agents, sending a tremendous amount of experience and institutional memory out the door. One-fourth of the nation’s FBI agents (that Patel hasn’t fired) have been reassigned to immigration enforcement, which means that all sorts of much more dangerous crimes are going uninvestigated. Morale is reportedly low.

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We don’t imagine learning that the FBI director is using your highly trained colleagues to babysit his girlfriend is going to help. (Clyde Tolson could not be reached for comment.)

Though we suppose assigning a bunch of hardened FBI agents to surround Wilkins all the time will discourage her being approached by guys her own age. That’s real boyfriend behavior. Creepy, abusive, insanely jealous, destined for multiple restraining orders boyfriend behavior. But nonetheless ...

“There is no legitimate justification for this. This is a clear abuse of position and misuse of government resources,” said Christopher O’Leary, a former senior FBI agent and MS NOW law enforcement contributor. “She is not his spouse, does not live in the same house or even the same city.”

Patel’s going to pull that dude’s pension out of spite. Remember how sensitive he got over the plane thing a couple of weeks ago? He’s going to flip out. Or ask her to marry him. Something stupid.

Speaking of stupid and Kash Patel, here’s another thing that came out a few days ago about his spectacular management and fidelity to security:

Patel granted waivers to Deputy Director Dan Bongino and two other newly hired senior FBI staff members, exempting them from passing polygraph exams normally required to gain access to America’s most sensitive classified information[.]

Shoot, Bongino apparently didn’t get a standard background check, let alone have to take a polygraph, according to the story. And he’s got a Top Secret security clearance, which also requires passing a polygraph.

And yet the ungrateful meathead reportedly hates the job. We love that for him.

[MS NOW / ProPublica]

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