Florida's Witchfinder General Accuses GOP Rep.-Elect Of Casting Spells, Consorting With Demons
Rep. Anna Paulina Luna says she is not a witch.
Thirteen years ago, a young Republican launched a campaign to take the Senate seat once held by now-President Joe Biden. Her name was Christine O'Donnell. In an appearance on Bill Maher's "Politically Incorrect," O'Donnell claimed to have "dabbled" in witchcraft (despite never having "joined a coven") and gone on a picnic date with a witch at a Satanic altar that she didn't know was a Satanic altar, which tracked, because Satanic witches lovea picnic. It did not go over so well, and O'Donnell ended up releasing the best political ad of all time, in which she declared "I'm not a witch, I'm you," and also became an extremely convenient Halloween costume for brunettes across the land. She did not, however, win her Senate seat.
Now another Republican is following in her footsteps. Sort of. Rep.-elect (still, for now!) and former MAGA personality Anna Paulina Luna (FL-13) has been accused of witchcraft by a man who had considered challenging her in the primary but ended up not doing that for some reason. In an appearance on the "Bubba the Love Sponge" radio show this fall, Roger Stone pal Matt Tito claimed that he heard from some very reliable sources that Luna practiced witchcraft and put spells on people — and that she had previously had a romantic tryst with one Matt Gaetz.
You may remember Bubba the Love Sponge from the time he filmed his wife having sex with Hulk Hogan, the video of which later led to a major lawsuit and the demise of Gawker.
Rep.-elect Luna is denying the claim and her lawyer, attorney David J. Lisko, has sent Tito a notice demanding he retract his statements and apologize either on the "Bubba the Love Sponge Show" or in a video sent to Luna, which she will publish herself because he doesn't have enough social media reach to make a dent.
Via The Daily Beast:
“While it is extraordinarily odd for any person to say these things, let alone a former Captain in the United States Marine Corps., that is not the purpose of this communication,” attorney David J. Lisko wrote in the Oct. 7 missive.
“I am sending you this letter because of the defamatory statements you made about Ms. Luna on the Show,” Lisko wrote, adding that Tito knew his comments were untrue or were “said in gross negligence knowing the statements were highly implausible and unlikely to be true.”
“You said that Ms. Luna (a devout Christian) practices witchcraft,” Lisko added.
“You are hereby demanded to publicly and immediately retract each and every defamatory statement you made about Ms. Luna on the show,” Lisko continued. “Because you do not have the ability to distribute your retraction widely on your social media, you are demanded to apologize and retract your statements on the Bubba the Love Sponge Show or by making a retraction and apology video that you send to me that Ms. Luna will distribute via her social media.”
Tito is so far refusing to do anything of the kind, saying he got his intel on Luna's witchcraft habit from Hispanics for Trump associate Paloma Zuniga, and insists "she puts spells on people," which he apparently thinks is a thing a person can do. It is not clear when or if Tito was appointed the official Witchfinder General of Florida, though we would not put such a thing past Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis at this point.
“It has got to be true to a certain extent,” failed California congressional candidate Omar Navarro told The Daily Beast. “It’s fair enough to say that it’s spread among people in the Republican Party.” People in the Republican Party are, of course, widely known for saying true things about people.
Some might consider the accusations involving Gaetz more potentially damaging than accusations of witchcraft, considering that we live in the year 2023 and that, despite being a terrible person, the former Maxim model is just objectively far better looking than Gaetz, who looks like a big toe and seems like he probably spits a lot while talking. However, with the way the Republican Party is partying like it's 1692 these days, the witchcraft accusation could be pretty serious. Those who believe it might be inclined to break out the old ducking stool, or worse.
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