For The CEO Who Has Everything, How About A Triple Platinum Concierge 911?
Bringing new meaning to the term 'Hotline Bling'.
Yesterday, when a second-grader called the police to report an active school shooter at the Abundant Life Christian School in Madison, Wisconsin, they dialed 911. Despite the many, many school shootings we have had throughout the years, no one has ever thought to have a special separate number for them.
On the one hand, this makes sense, given that 911 is an easy number for second-graders to remember, even while under fire. On the other, New York Governor Kathy Hochul is reportedly considering creating a special hotline for CEOs to report perceived threats from those who may want to eat the rich.
Hochul is convening a virtual meeting today with state law enforcement officials, Homeland Security and counterterrorism officials, and about 175 corporate representatives to discuss how best to protect people who — unlike, say, schoolchildren — can afford their own personal security.
The intention, it seems, is to take this seriously as a “domestic terrorism” issue, despite the fact that there have been no other credible threats against CEOs since the shooting.
Kathy Wylde, the CEO and president of the Partnership for New York City — a non-profit membership group of around 300 of New York’s most powerful CEOs — will also be there to represent business interests. Wylde has been making the rounds to share her concern for CEOs who are now feeling under attack and her appreciation that Hochul is taking this seriously.
“She understood how serious the impact of both the killing and the hateful reaction to it is, and she wants to make sure that the state resources, specifically the domestic counterterrorism resources, are focused on being supportive, sharing information,” she told Politico last week.
“Demonization of corporate executives is not new,” she added. “It was part of the rhetoric in the financial crisis of 2008-09. The real estate industry has obviously been subject to it. It’s not new. Translating people’s anger from rhetoric into shooting someone is new.”
People understanding why someone might want to shoot a healthcare executive isn’t remotely the same thing as excusing it or suggesting it ought to happen more often. These are very different things.
Still, giving the most privileged people in our nation special access to a kind of emergency service that no one else has access to and convening a massive meeting to discuss how the wealthy can be protected from those they harm might just actually be the kind of things that engender even more resentment towards the upper class.
It’s not yet clear what this special hotline will entail, but I think we can fairly assume that it will be something like a concierge 911, where those reporting that they feel threatened will get not just a direct line to a domestic terrorism official, but a hot towel and a glass of brandy to calm their nerves.
I mean, given the lack of actual credible threats, those operating the line will need something to do.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
It's obscene that a CEO of all people might have to wait in the call queue like any random second grader reporting her teacher and classmates being shot to death in front of her eyes.
Clearly CEO emergencies are the most important emergencies.
I assume Hochul has a disability of some kind that causes her TO NOT HEAR HERSELF