Fox News Has New Reason For All Black People To Vote For Donald Trump
He's gonna go from eight percent with Black voters four years ago to 100 percent this November. Book it.
As happens every election cycle these days, Republicans are desperate to peel off some of the Black vote that generally goes overwhelmingly to the Democrats. And to convince themselves that this election cycle is the election cycle they manage this feat, they will desperately grab onto any vague stereotype of Black people that their brains downloaded from a Robert Townsend movie in 1993 and that has remained buried deep in their memories, re-emerging out of the mists years later amid the stress of the election season like Colonel Kurtz’s compound in the last act of Apocalypse Now.
Thus you have this guy, Raymond Arroyo, a talking head who shows up on Laura Ingraham’s show periodically to say insanely stupid crap. Earlier this week, Arroyo had an insight about how the Black vote is going to go to Donald Trump this year.
One word: sneakers.
More specifically, those gold-lamé-and-American-flag eyesores Trump unveiled last weekend. The ones that look like Dot from Spaceballs fucked a pair of Converse hi-tops and these were the result.
Ha ha, you thought we were going to say “mugshost,” didn’t you? Sorry, no, that was Arroyo’s opinion last August. His stereotyping has moved on, please adjust your bigot talking points accordingly.
Here is The Daily Beast on Arroyo’s comments:
“[Trump] somehow survives, which must drive his opponents crazy, because even the sneaker thing. I was on social media last night. Very interesting as you see Black support eroding from Joe Biden,” the Fox News co-host declared based on tweets he read.
“This is connecting with Black America because they love sneakers!” Arroyo added. “They’re into sneakers… this is a big deal, certainly in the inner city. So when you have Trump roll out his sneaker line, they’re like, ‘Wait a minute, this is cool!’”
We’ve heard criticism that voters of all persuasions are, like raccoons, attracted to shiny objects. But we have never heard that claim made so literally.
Trump unveiled his apparently Black-vote-winning, Louboutin-ripping-off gambit at something called SneakerCon last weekend. They sell for the low, low price of $399, which seems like a lot of money for a pair of shoes that were apparently designed by a colorblind four-year-old, but we’ve never understood fashion.
What we do understand is that the juxtaposition of Trump getting dinged for $450 million on Friday and showing up a day later to hawk a pair of Trump-branded sneakers gives the impression that he’s more than a little hard up for cash. If he’s as hard up as his pal Rudy Giuliani after his bankruptcy and court losses, we can expect the former president to shortly drop a podcast where he hawks boner pills and colloidal silver.
And then Arroyo will be right back on Ingraham’s show to explain why hawking boner pills is so “gangsta.”
We just know at some point Arroyo has expressed astonishment that Donald Trump is still losing the vast majority of the Jewish vote after he moved the embassy to Jerusalem and sucked up to Bibi Netanyahu. Which is all the proof we need that Arroyo has spoken to like five Jews in his life and four of them were Kushners.
Arroyo is Catholic, and we’re guessing he would be hugely insulted if we went on Chris Hayes’s show one night and said “Hey Chris, you know what Catholics love? Drinking! And giant funny hats!”
Or “Donald Trump could grab more of the Catholic vote away from Joe Biden if he announces he’ll stop eating meat on Fridays!”
Of course Arroyo is from the South, so Joe Biden could for sure win his vote by growing a mullet and shotgunning beers in a Confederate flag t-shirt at the Daytona 500. See? Shoving people into one large monolithic category based on superficial identifiers is fun and not insulting at all!
We won’t even get into Arroyo’s father reportedly being from Central America, because hoo boy, does that open up a can of immigration policy worms!
Anyway, free joke for the writing staff of The Simpsons: Dr. Hibbert hovering over a ballot, muttering in stentorian tones, “Well, let’s see. I don’t like his racism – heh! heh! heh! – but I do love those sneakers. Oh mercy! Heh heh heh!” Right before he puts a checkmark next to the name Donald Trump.
Ha ha, get it? It is because he’s Black. You guys can singlehandedly swing the election by listening to Raymond Arroyo.
Yr Wonkette’s only prayer of scoring a pair of Trump sneakers is thanks to your donations.
Whether it’s Trump selling gold sneakers or Beyonce’ doing a country song, both sides are guilty of cultural appropriation.
By David Brooks
I've met a couple of black Trump voters. They were both men, and both "hoteps" (black patriarchal misogynists who couch their bigotry in hilariously misinterpreted history and religion).
So, Trump's got that going for him.