Gay Nutcrackers! Disabled Black Santas! And Other Holiday Monstrosities, According to Fox
Yep, it's War on Christmas time again.
The holidays are upon us, and once again a cry goes up across the land: To arms, to arms! Grab your musket! Kiss your children goodbye and flee their tear-stained faces! Set your face towards the rising sun and march, march towards the waiting enemy, bayonets affixed and glistening in the dawn light! May you meet the enemy, that godless and demonic force poised to conquer all of Christendom, in vicious combat, and may you rend him limb from limb, spilling his blood all over the chestnut-and-gift-wrap-strewn battlefields!
Yep, it’s the War on Christmas, that most wonderful time of the year when insane people are totally triggered if they have the misfortune to spot a Hanukkah display at Home Depot. And who better to lead the troops into battle than Jesse Watters, the smug pile of hair gel and bigotry currently holding down the 8 p.m. timeslot during Fox’s nightly parade of angry goyim twatwaffles:
“Gay nutcracker. Complete with a rainbow hat, a trans flag, full price 12 dollars but right now it’s on sale for eight. Target also sells Santa ornaments. But Target’s Santa is in a wheelchair and is Black.”
We checked the Wonkette archives and wow, this year is the 10th anniversary of Megyn Kelly kicking off the annual Fox tradition of assuring terrified Aryan children that Santa is really a white guy who will bring you a bike instead of stealing it. Gay nutcrackers! How dare they! No gay person would ever have anything to do with a ballet!
TEN YEARS AGO! WOW!
Watters then brought on Riley Gaines, a former college swimmer who lost a race to a transgender woman her senior year of college and has in short order turned complaining about it into a career. Apparently she has realized that she has to diversify her targets of bigotry if she wants to keep riding the right-wing pundit anger train, so she has enlisted as a foot soldier in the War on Christmas:
“It doesn’t make sense. You have to ask yourself, you know, why do they keep pushing this? Who are they trying to appeal to? Despite what the media portrays or how politicians are voting, this doesn’t represent how the overwhelming majority of this country — really how the world — feels on this issue.”
*Citation needed.
“I think the majority of people, parents especially, they can acknowledge that Gay Nutcracker and Black Disabled Santa has gone way too far.”
Again, *citation needed.
Also, note the chyron reading “The Dylanization of America” under Gaines as she speaks. This is a callback to the shit fucking freakout last summer over Anheuser-Busch printing one can of Bud Light with the face of transgender woman Dylan Mulvaney for a promotion on her Instagram page, an act that became the worst humiliation America has faced since whatever nonsense the feral wingers had freaked out about the week before.
Yr Wonkette would like to take this moment to push back on Gaines’s assertion that the “overwhelming majority” of people agree with her on this issue. We would bet, based on what a loser pushing culture war issues has been for Republicans in elections as recently as a week and a half ago, that a majority of Americans simply do not give the remotest of fucks about seeing a Nutcracker doll with a pride flag on a shelf in Target. Nor have Disabled Black Santa in a Wheelchair ornaments driven all other Christmas tree ornaments out of the market.
We’re betting this doesn’t even make the top 500 of concerns for the vast majority of Americans at the moment, or really ever. The vast majority of Fox viewers? Eh, who knows and who cares. As we have said about other issues such as abortion and gay marriage, “Don’t like Gay Nutcracker with a Pride Flag or Disabled Black Santa in a Wheelchair ornaments? Then don’t buy any and shut the fuck up.”
This goes double for Jesse Watters.
Help Wonkette buy gay nutcrackers and make Jesse Watters sad.
The person I know who loved Christmas more than anyone in the world died of AIDS in front of me, in the gap years before AZT was covered by insurance and there were no options to stop the progression of AIDS. I have written about Martin more than any other person who has touched my life, because a gay man represented to me not only the childhood wonderment spirit of Christmas, but also the generous, forgiving, and eternally-giving spirit I associate with the true followers of Jesus Christ, and religious study (foul mouth aside) ultimately became a huge chunk of my life. He loved Jesus so much, even though he was disowned by his family and church, even though he was gay, and as he got sicker it was almost all he could say. I love the Lord. I love the Lord. It was his mantra.
I might even make a special trip to Target just to get that kitschy gay nutcracker. Martin would have loved it. Every year, I overdecorate and buy something in honor of Martin. If anyone asks me if another human influenced my religious convictions? The human who believed long after every institution and every other person betrayed and rejected him to die, and he still had the most loving heart and good faith in others? Yeah--that’s who saved me and “brought me to Jesus”--not pastors, reverend doctors, professors, or learned rabbis. That’s who convinced me there was true, life-sustaining power in ideas. A point to “all that fucking decorating.” Traditions that mean something. Merry Christmas, Martin (he would be in his mid-sixties now).
“𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗷𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲, 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆, 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗚𝗮𝘆 𝗡𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗕𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗦𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗮 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝗿.”
I would watch the fuck out of a holiday special called "Gay Nutcracker and Black Disabled Santa Go Way Too Far"