Happy F You Donald Trump Day To All Who Celebrate!
No Kings Today, No Kings 4Eva.
Every day is No Kings Day around Wonkette, with the exceptions of Jesus, our Daddies, and the ghosts of the Roosevelts. But today is the official one, the third appointment for millions of elite to meet, beat their feet on the concrete, and imagine they’re treading on Donald John Trump’s treasonous behind instead!
The last NKD was on October 18, and this third one may well end up being the largest US protest/organized gathering of all time, potentially beating the record set by the last one. Which itself beat the record set by the first one the June before, which was even bigger than Hands Across America! That is how many millions of people are unified in their hate of little Lord Bone Spurs with a distaste so visceral they want to spend most of their Saturday leisure hours yelling about it! That is important!
Count the ways, Dr. Timothy Snyder:
Hey, anything big changed around here since six months ago, when Trump last dropped imaginary AI diarrhea from an imaginary plane in rage over his digital serfs?
How to measure this man and his country over the past six months? By his plummeting polls, bombs on schoolgirls in Iran, sinking value of the dollar abroad, by the corpses at home, and then whose corpses, those dead by ICE, by air disaster, by measles, by windmill-crazed whales …
For everything, a time, and this will be a big one! Last October’s protests were at about 2,700 locations, attracting an estimated 5-7 million people, today’s will be at 3,100 official locations so far, and with most of them outside of urban centers. And they’ve gone global-er, with locations as far southeast as Nairobi and as far northwest as Kotzbue, Alaska, which is closer to Russia than Sarah Palin’s house.
In blue cities and states where the governors on down also hate Trump, protests are sure to be more like performance art and a social mingle, with cute like-minded individuals in witty T-shirts to bond with over your penis-pun signs, and to make future plans to canvas each other’s red areas later. In Minnesota there will be about a hundred events, in Baltimore city there’ll be at least a dozen event-parties. Maybe Duly Elected Incumbent Mayor Brandon Scott will even pop up somewhere and surprise-DJ a set, you never know. We all have to stay limber on our dancing feet for the day Trump goes the way of Robert Mueller.
Let’s go Brandon!
What we’ll be watching and awarding points for in those blue safer spaces: the best signs, obviously; best use of papier mache and/or puppetry, bonus points for kinetic sculptures, and 100 points for a Chinese dragon with Trump’s head on it. We’d hoped to cruise down St. Paul Street in Baltimore on a bike powering a giant Pink Flamingos-style Divine continually puking up an orange turd, but other priorities got in the way. Maybe next protest. Gotta make time for art!
As for watching out for counter-protestors, meh. We all know that type is scared of cities and terrified of being outnumbered by Black boys with mopeds and cat ladies with nose rings. Watch again Enrique Tarrio in the last one, smoking with a can of dip (or Big League Chew) in his pocket and then getting told move, bitch, get out the way!
Still, psychos are for sure out there. Don’t feed the ProFas! Do not engage with counter-demostrators at all, other than to film them for mocking purposes later, and always keep an eye on an escape route in case somebody tries to plow the crowd with a vehicle, or starts shooting, spraying gas and/or launching grenades and there’s a stampede. A concern nowadays with big crowds everywhere, unfortunately. Toxic masculinity, hell of a drug.
And protestors in those red states outside of urban centers, you are the bravest. Especially in places where the Trump/Confederate/Martha Ann Alito type vergogna flags flap free. Go stand at the local crossroads with a sign and you’ll either start a movement like John Cougar Mellencamp and Robert Johnson, or maybe you’ll get beat up with your mailbox and dog shot up, or worse.
If you go that route, may we suggest signs that speak MAGA language (as if imploring a king) and ones that make ‘em wonder:
No serviceMEN in Iran!
Please, Trump, meemaw need health care
Trump save the farms!
Plz jail pedo cabal!
PLZ TRUMP I GOT NO GAS MONEY FOR TRACTOR
no snek
Or go join a protest in your closest blue patch, or hook up with some local Unitarians or something. Who could blame you?
Oh, and of course Wonkette will be watching for Trump losing his shit at his disloyal subjects!
It must be hard on his little office incels, trying to turn words like ANTIFA and LIBTARD into visuals and a storyboard and keywords to punch into their AI movie maker without liberal arts degrees. What would Don Draper do? Fortunately the audience is not discerning.
Hey Grok, make a video of AOC and Hakeem Jeffries with giant horse teeth and horse butts and their butts stink and they’re unloading cash from a truck labeled “SOROS” and handing it to brown people jumping over a wall who then pick up protest signs, and they’re all wearing sombreros, done!
Have fun and stay safe out there. Raise good trouble!
Want to share this post?
Or if you’d just like to donate just once …
You can also join our Patreon, or buy our merch.
You can even send us paper checks to:
Wonkette
PO Box 38273
Detroit MI 48238
Talk amongst yourselves!
It is not a mistake that Caturday and No Kings coincide.
Harry says No Kings!
https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-234561175?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc
To repeat myself, he is amoral, arrogant, authoritarian, avaricious, bullying, bellicose, bombastic, boorish, belittling, bigoted, crapulent, corrupt, criminal, cowardly, craven, credulous, conspiratorial, despotic, depraved, demeaning, devious, deceptive, egotistical, embarrassing, envious, egregious, footling, foolish, frightened, felonious, fraudulent, gross, grasping, greedy, gloating, hateful, heavyhanded, horrible, homophobic, ignorant, infantile, insulting, indolent, islamophobic, incompetent, irredeemable, jealous, jingoistic, joyless, juvenile, knee-jerk, know nothing, kleptomaniac, lying, lecherous, lazy, lilliputian, money grubbing, mean spirited, merciless, mendacious, malicious, malevolent, misogynistic, narcissistic, nepotistic, nefarious, needy, oblivious, obvious, obtuse, offensive, offended, otiose, petty, picky, petulant, puerile, pestering, pleading, pathetic, queroulous, quitting, quisling, ridiculous, racist, reactionary, revolting, selfish, self-satisfied, shameless, shiftless, shallow, Sinophobic, sloppy, stupid, self-deceiving, self-pitying, traitorous, timid, torpid, terrified, transphobic, underhanded, unscrupulous, ugly, venal, vulgar, vain, vainglorious, vindictive, vituperative, vile, whiny, whingey, washed up, wasteful, xenophobic, yellow and zoomorphic.