Happy 'Have A Party With Your Bear' Day, Whatever That Means To You

It could be a lot of things.

Max in a slipper, from our pal Rusty

Happy Weekend!

Today, according to the internet calendar, is Have A Party With Your Bear Day. It is illustrated, on the website, with a picture of a stuffed teddy bear, but if you’d like to party with other kinds of bears, I say go right ahead!

Unless your name is Robert F. Kennedy Jr., in which case … please do not party with any bears.

I chose this holiday out of all the other random holidays that occur today because I just knew there would be some creepy AF teddy bear content out there, and I was not wrong.

First up, we have this, uh, soap. It’s soap shaped like a bear. That grows “hair.”

I don’t like it. Of course, I had a doll whose hair grew when you cranked her arm backwards, which does seem more sadistic when you think about it, but this just looks upsetting.

I looked it up online, and apparently they tried to bring this thing back not too long ago, and a scientist got hold of one to find out exactly what the “hair” was. Turns out it was a fungus! A fungus called Cladosporium that could give you asthma. Who doesn’t love to wash their body with asthma-inducing fungus?

Far less upsetting is this video I found of a young Keanu Reeves reporting on a teddy bear convention for the Canadian Broadcasting Company.

Apparently Keanu Reeves mostly grew up in Canada, which I did not know, and now I am very confused about his accent.

Speaking of things I have questions about (MANY QUESTIONS), I present to you the theme song from Adventures of the Gummi Bears.

What even was this show? It was a Disney show with no connection to any other Disney property, about bears who are called Gummi Bears but instead of being anything like actual gummy bears, they are very petite bears who mix up a potion called “gummi berry juice” that allows them to bounce around everywhere and that is their super power? And they live in Medieval times for some reason? I don’t remember anything about the plot beyond the theme song and am genuinely curious about how they made that all work.

It looks like the show is actually available on Disney Plus, so there is a very strong possibility that I will be investigating this in the near future.

Have you been struck with a sudden urge to shower us with money and jewels? If so, we are on Substack now so you can just go ahead and click subscribe! Click click click!!

 Or if you’d just like to donate just once …

You can also join our Patreon, or buy our merch. Or we’re now partnered with Martie, where you can buy snacks!

You can even send us paper checks to:

Wonkette
PO Box 38273
Detroit MI 48238

Talk amongst yourselves!