Hegseth Announces 'Operation Normal-Sized Wanglet,' It's A WAR Thing, You Wouldn't Understand
No more wars? No! More wars!
Well lookie at this headline: “The ‘Donroe Doctrine’: Trump’s Bid to Control the Western Hemisphere.” The New York Times appears to have just cottoned on to what yr Wonkette and other places picked up on a long time ago, and the New York Post sussed out from President Donald Trump’s ramblings even before his inauguration: Trump aspires to nothing less than complete domination of the Western Hemisphere. At the least! The Donroe Doctrine, as it were.
And Trump and Sec. Def. WAR Hegseth are coming out of the closet about it. “The Western Hemisphere is America’s neighborhood — and we will protect it,” Hegseth pounded out on Thursday.
Next up, Operation Blowing Bubba! Did we say the Western Hemisphere? We meant wherever he may roam, the earth is his throne.
We suspect this imperialist domination streak is something that Vladimir Putin whispered to Ginger Donya he could have as a treat, in exchange for the US abandoning its allies in Europe: from Greenland to Canada to the Gulf of “America” and tip of Argentina, Trump shall be tsar of all he surveys, with the power of life and death over all the peasants therein! (Indeed, Putin really gets off on the idea of “spheres of influence,” and each tinpot dictator gets one.)
And Trump will complete this domination with NO NEW WARS!
Well, one new war, against narco-terrorists. Who is a narco-terrorist? Any and everybody they say! The Pentagon doesn’t even need to know who they are blowing up, Hegseth reasoned the House Foreign Affairs committee behind closed doors two weeks ago. Because if they are not drug smugglers themselves, surely a friend of a friend of theirs is a drug smuggler. And so whoever any of the 83 people he has killed might actually be, Hegseth doesn’t need to know, doesn’t care, and doesn’t have to tell Congress shit about shit, or show them any kind of proof. This is well past Monroe Doctrine territory, and into doing war crimes just for the fun of it and rubbing it in Congress’s face. And Congress is letting them.
Once again. Just like pumpin’ Pete whooping on the war chat about blowing up apartment buildings with children in them in Yemen, and what Trump’s goons are doing on the streets of Chicago and Charlotte. They could step in if they wanted to, but they don’t.
![THOSE War Plans? Pete Hegseth Didn’t Know You Meant THOSE [hic] War Plans](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!8rnj!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbb01e885-c6e1-4841-8d3d-4e2eb2dad8a8_1068x606.png)
Most of the victims of the now 21 strikes do not appear to be drug smugglers. Neither the US nor Venezuelan governments will release their names. And many are simply missing, with no body or official confirmation of their deaths, so not even their families can be sure that they are even dead yet.
The victims have fallen into an infinite legal loophole, according to Hegseth: they are not engaging in hostilities that are putting the lives of US soldiers at risk, and have no way to strike back, therefore he doesn’t need to ask Congress’s permission to keep on blowing people up for longer than 60 days.
It’s a brain twister! The people he is blowing up are simultaneously part of a dangerous and murderous all-powerful cartel, yet they have no way to strike back. Just premeditated murder of random defenseless, unarmed people, right in everybody’s faces! And then posting snuff films to X about it. Just like Jesus would probably do.
So now all of our spy allies in and around South America, from whom we get 80 percent of our boat-related intelligence, are refusing to share information with the US, lest it be used to commit more war crimes. And the head of the US military’s Southern Command, Admiral Alvin Holsey, retired two years before the scheduled end of his tour of duty rather than soil his otherwise spotless record with some cold-blooded murder, it would appear. Meanwhile, Pentagon lawyers were supposed to show up with Hegseth for his sit-down in the House a couple of weeks ago, and at the last minute did not show up, we guess rather than put their names and faces to these atrocities.
And the House is letting them do it.
Donroe’s doctrine is scratch Trump’s back, or get vengeance. For Argentina, where the tantric-sex-coach pet-psychic president has modeled himself after Trump and gifted Trump and his closest friends many shiny custom-made chainsaws, there’s billions in bailout money, including another quiet $900 million from the IMF last week. For El Salvador he’s got billions in prison money, and some MS-13 informants President Nayib Bukele wanted!
But for Venezuela, whatever Nicolás Maduro offered, even reportedly a dominant stake in the country’s oil, no deal. Maybe Trump will invade by land, maybe he won’t! Maybe he’ll stage a CIA coup, maybe he’ll talk to Maduro some more. Meanwhile forces have been building in the Caribbean like Trump is serious about going in. Is America ready to see its soldiers indefinitely battling guerrilla fighters from tropical jungles to the Andes for obviously made-up drug cartel reasons?
Like most of Trump’s art-o-deals, it is a bad one. He has given up the US’s influence in Europe completely. His tariff madness has been a gift to China. A temporary inconvenience, sure, but China plans for the long term, and it has spent the months since “Liberation Day” strengthening its trade ties with every other country in the world. And by screwing the US out of those rare earth minerals, China got extra time to catch up in the technology race for AI chips, electric cars, moon rockets and reactors, and so on. So thanks, Trump!
And he has even pissed off and alienated Canada. Canada!
It makes one miss boring old Joe Biden.
[New York Times archive link / Wall Street Journal gift link]
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ROUGH RIDER.
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SOUTHERN SPEAR.
And these are *not* gay porn names, you’re telling me?
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OT:
Mackenzie Scott, first wife of Amazon founder and jillionaire Jeff Bezos, has decided to bless the world again with another chunk of the divorce settlement.
She just donated $700 million to HBCUs, Historically Black Colleges and Universities. Whee!
https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/other/billionaire-mackenzie-scott-makes-700-million-donation-to-hbcus/vi-AA1QACs1?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&cvid=7315817fb6d240109a0eee07d182d356&ei=71