Her Name's Not Snow White Supremacist Guys

Usual idiots mad about usual thing.

Right-wingers are making fools of themselves over the Barbie movie, which is the blockbuster hit of the summer despite their whining. Previously, they were upset over the historically inaccurate Black mermaid in Disney’s live-action Little Mermaid, another box office success with a diverse cast. Next to arrive on their perpetual outrage machine is Disney’s upcoming live-action Snow White (Disney’s “woke,” not especially creative).

The first official Disney princess is played by 22-year-old actor and singer Rachel Zegler, who was named after Rachel Green from “Friends.” (Yes, the math works out. You’re just old.) Zegler is talented and lovely and most of all deserves a break after that Shazam! flop.

However, the usual gang of idiots is upset over Zegler’s casting as Snow White, who is not a real person. Nonetheless, certain people insist Zegler is not “white” enough for the part. We call those people “racists.”

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OH SH*T Y'ALL, IT'S BLACK ARIEL!

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“Her name is Snow White,” Ben Shapiro recently complained. Nothing gets past the genius who filmed himself burning Barbie dolls. “Now you may consider that racist, but that’s also the name of the actual fairy tale.”

“It’s weird casting, you might say. I don’t understand.” (He rarely does.) “There are certain parts that are racially specific. I mean very clearly so.”

I was never a good liberal so far as riding the “hate Disney” train — they gave us great American movie musicals when no one else would, damnit! I’ve watched the hell out of the original Snow White and crushed hard on the Evil Misunderstood Queen, so I would’ve noticed if the story was a white supremacist tract. Snow White’s defining trait, which is key to the plot, is that she’s extremely pretty. There are no propagandist rants about the master race.

Yet “Outkick” host Charly Arnolt whined on Fox News Monday, “Snow White is not even a white woman anymore even though her name is Snow White.”

Wait, does Arnolt think Charlie Brown is Black? She’s definitely going to freak out over the likely casting in a Barry White biopic.

In the original Grimm’s fairy tale, Snow White’s mother wishes she had a daughter “with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony." (Later versions change “ebony” to “window frame,” which is kind of random.)

This is obviously metaphorical (well, technically a simile). Literal snow white skin is ghastly, especially if it’s that grayish New York snow I recall with little affection. That’s a Snow White who smokes at least seven packs a day.

But just so we’re all clear, Rachel Zegler is in fact white, as far as I understand whiteness. I didn’t test her for Uggs or anything, but she was obviously white enough to play the Natalie Wood part in West Side Story (ha!).

Zegler’s mother is of Colombian descent and her father is of Polish and Jewish descent. It’s absolutely depressing that we’re researching Zegler’s racial ancestry because she was cast as Snow White. She’s not playing Shug in The Color Purple.

I don’t see how these right-wingers expect to fight a race war with such a limited definition of “whiteness.” Their side will just have Marjorie Taylor Greene and Clarence Thomas.

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Arnolt also complained that Snow White will not have seven literal (and slightly insulting) “dwarfs.” (They’ll be magical creatures with different sizes, genders, and skin colors.)

“The seven dwarves aren’t even dwarves anymore because they thought that to be too politically incorrect!” she raved. “We’re just going too far out of the way to make things super diverse and inclusive.”

That’s not a terrible goal — unless you’re racist, like actual evil queen Megyn Kelly, who attacked actor Peter Dinklage for reportedly convincing Disney not to include the stereotypical dwarfs.

“So great job, Peter! You made all your money, you became the most famous dwarf in America, and then you ruined the acting roles that were available for six other dwarves who just want to work as paid actors like you did.”

Dinklage rightly opposes a system where the only available parts for people his size are the seven dwarfs in a Snow White movie. That’s not a source of consistent work, even if you’re willing to whistle. I wonder if Kelly understands that non-magical little people exist in the world and live among us? Dinklage would have always made a compelling leading man in a rom com.

Kelly and Shapiro both criticized Zegler for comments she’d made last year about her Snow White not simply lying around in a coffin waiting for a kiss from a random necrophile: “She's not going to be saved by the prince and she's not going to be dreaming about true love,” Zegler said. “She's dreaming about becoming the leader she knows she can be and the leader that her late father told her that she could be if she was fearless, fair, brave and true.”

It’s just like Black Power Snow White to demand that her character make … choices and demonstrate positive narrative traits.

Finally, in response to Arnolt’s absurd suggestion that “woke” Hollywood doesn’t prioritize “high-quality film production” or “entertainment,” here’s a video of Rachel Zegler singing.

(Uproxx)

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