Wednesday, the House Republicans released their top 12 legislative priorities for the 119th Congress, assuming the far-right wing of yapping hyenas allows them to keep Mike Johnson as House speaker, of course. They include more mental health care for veterans, lowering the price of eggs, and doing something about housing costs, those kitchen-table economic issues that voters said they cared the most about. Ho ho ho, just kidding! Pick the most performative and morally bankrupt things you can think of, and there they are.
The Republicans haven’t had control of both the House and Senate since 2019, so oh boy are they hepped up to remake Congress in their genital-fixated, immigrant-obsessed image.
But, first points of business are the swearing-in and power grabbin’, of course! Making it so that only the “majority party,” Republicans, can vote to vacate the speaker of the House, and requiring nine members to vote the House Speaker out instead of one, and changing the rules so there are no amendments allowed.
They plan to remove any references to ‘‘the Office of Diversity and Inclusion,” which the House dissolved in March. And for the first time in two decades there’ll be no women leading any House Committees, so that those magnificent white he-men above can do all the work, and the little ladies of the House will be free to go get their hair and nails done, or whatever.
Also in the rule changes, making sure House Resolution 1096, which extends collective bargaining rights prescribed in the Congressional Accountability Act of 1995 to employees and staffers of the House, “shall have no force or effect.” They call that “restoring legislative branch accountability” because everything in GOP-land is opposite day.
Oh, and they want to make all of their bills electronic so AI can do the bill reading, analysis, and drafting for them, because heaven fucking forbid they have to do the jobs they were elected to do. And of course they want to subpoena Merrick Garland for Hunter Biden stuff, how else do you think they’ll be spending all that spare time, now that robots will be doing their actual work?
Anyway, on to the shitty priority bills!
1. The gender of athletes competing in college and university sports would be determined by that which they were declared at the time of birth under the Title IX law.
Yes, this is number one. There are fewer than 10 transgender NCAA athletes out of more than 500,000 players, 0.0018 percent. More people have been to the moon or won Powerball. (Although as our own Crip Dyke points out, that’s bad actually. Because if we hadn’t so thoroughly chased trans children out of public life, there would be a hell of a lot more girls playing volleyball with their peers.)
2. The Department of Homeland Security secretary would be required to have federal law enforcement arrest any illegal immigrant who has been charged, not just those convicted, of theft.
3. Any illegal immigrant encountered attempting to enter illegally at the border would be barred from being released into the country if he or she has a conviction or has been charged with a sex offense or domestic violence. Additionally, a person with that charge or conviction within the US would be susceptible to deportation.
4. The assault by an illegal immigrant of a police officer at the local, state, tribal, or federal level would be grounds for deportation.
5. Sanctuary cities and states, or jurisdictions that do not cooperate with federal immigration law enforcement, would receive no federal funding “intended to benefit such aliens.”
6. Any US citizen or immigrant arrested for intentionally fleeing a federal police officer while operating a motor vehicle would face criminal and immigration charges.
Illegal immigrants can already be deported. Fleeing or assaulting the police is already illegal. Non-citizens are already ineligible for federal public assistance, with the exception of the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) which provides a whopping $26 to $52 per month cash-value benefit for nutrition assistance for young children and pregnant and postpartum women. Every fetus is equal, but some fetuses are more equal than others.
Hey, what about that big sweeping border security bill they were going to do? Guess it’s coming sometime, shrug emoji.
7. Ensuring health care practitioners exercise the proper degree of care in the case of a child who survives an abortion or attempted abortion.
Vague, performative bullshit over a thing that does not happen.
8. Sanction the International Criminal Court for its efforts investigating, arresting, detaining, or prosecuting a protected person from the US or allied nations.
They are mad about ICC arrest warrants against Israeli leaders over the war in Gaza.
9. The Internal Revenue Service would issue special rules for certain residents of Taiwan who earn income from sources within the US.
Not sure who exactly this is for, but the US has a lot of Taiwanese-American dual-citizen rich people, such as Jen-Hsun “Jensen” Huang, CEO and founder of Nvidia, the world's largest semiconductor company.
10. The National Voter Registration Act would be changed to require proof of US citizenship in order to register to vote in elections for federal office.
Oh, look at that, they would like to make voting as cumbersome as possible, of course. Better renew that passport and/or hurry up and get that RealID. The deadline for everybody is now May 7, and it is a huge pain in the ass. You will need a Social Security card, W2 or 1099. If you are someone who doesn’t have those particular tax forms, and you’ve misplaced your original Social Security card, buckle the fuck up for a bureaucratic document-a-roo that can take weeks, ask me how I know. If you don’t already have a driver’s license, you’ll need to make an appointment with the Social Security office to get the card to get the ID. Hope you’ve got some vacation days at work saved up!
11. The Controlled Substances Act would be updated to include and schedule fentanyl-related substances.
Sure.
12. Temporary moratoriums on the use of hydraulic fracturing would be banned.
But states’ rights, AMIRITE?
Can they get it together to pass these nimbledy-shit priorities? Can they even get it together to elect Mike Johnson as speaker? Guess we shall soon find out.
There were cheers when the acting Clerk read Gaetz’ letter saying he will not serve.
Meanwhile:
"The acting Clerk of the House announced to the chamber that his office had received a letter stating that Matt Gaetz, the former Florida congressman who resigned in November, will not serve in the 119th Congress despite being re-elected, to which the chamber erupted in cheers."
- NYTimes