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House Republicans Find Coup-Plotting Religious Extremist Creeper They Can Agree On
Time to get to know Mike Johnson!
Our long national nightmare is over. May a new national nightmare begin, and then end no later than next November’s election.
Republicans voted unanimously and on the first ballot to elect Mike Johnson, coup-plotting insurgent religious extremist of Louisiana, an interchangeable and undistinguished white man, as the new speaker of the House. He has zero experience for this kind of thing, but he was a chief congressional architect of the plan to overturn the 2020 election to illegally install white nationalist fascist Donald Trump in power, so he’s cool. Also he used to work for anti-LGBTQ+ hate groups.
Oh who gives a damn? Republicans aren’t a party of people who govern. They are simply extremists who beg, borrow and mostly steal power from an American people who increasingly would never give it to them if asked fairly for their consent.
Johnson will do fine. He won’t be a good speaker, but Republicans didn’t choose him to do that. (Vote hard next year, America. You have 12 months to get over whatever you need to get over.)
Is Mike Johnson The Nerd Bigot Religious Extremist Seditionist House Republicans Have Been Waiting For?
NBC News has a good overview of how central Mike Johnson’s work was to the effort of overthrowing the Republic in 2020 to soothe Trump’s hurt feelings and ego. Republicans might have barked like syphilitic hyenas last night when a reporter asked Johnson about it, but it needs to be discussed. Johnson worked really hard to get each and every other House Republican to sign an amicus brief in shady crimeboss Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s universally mocked clownfuck lawsuit to overturn the election in Pennsylvania, Georgia, Michigan, and Wisconsin, for totally cool reasons that amounted to “Trump lost and we’re mad.” Johnson found 125 fellow seditionists in the House to sign it.
The New York Times referred to Johnson as “the most important architect of the Electoral College objections” to Joe Biden’s free, fair and legitimate victory. What Johnson did, essentially, was to help members try to overturn the election by bitching about how states changed their election procedures to accommodate the global pandemic that was happening at the time, arguing that they were somehow unconstitutional or woke or gay or something. This allowed those members to not have to pretend to believe Jewish space lasers had RIGGED AND STOLLEN the election through the Chinese thermostats, but still try to overturn it anyway.
(Let’s be clear though: Johnson was totally hard for absolutely bugfuck DSM-IV-grade conspiracy theories about the election too.)
Media Matters published a flashback to a Fox News interview Johnson gave from the Capitol on January 6, while it was being attacked by Donald Trump’s supporters, who had been fired up and incited to commit terror by Trump’s Big Lie that the election had been stolen. He was hiding from the insurrectionists. He lied and said there was “nothing unusual” about Republicans’ efforts to overturn the election. He tried to be very calm, and expressed hope that Trump would try to tamp down the violence. He said we need to remember what unites us as Americans.
Of course, that morning, Johnson had tweeted his own version of Trump’s “Be there, will be wild!” tweet, saying that “We MUST fight for election integrity, the Constitution, and the preservation of our republic! It will be my honor to help lead that fight in the Congress today.”
Mike Johnson is not a serious person, but he plays one on TV.
Trump Goon Jeffrey Clark Tried To Cancel Election Because Chinese Thermostats Hacked Voting Machines, LOLWUT
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Other quick hits about Mike Johnson that seem interesting:
He’s totally into a national abortion ban.
He’s so stupid he thinks they can “expunge” Donald Trump’s original impeachment.
He thinks Jesus made Kevin McCarthy speaker of the House. (He and Family Research Council hate group leader Tony Perkins agreed on this.) We guess Jesus changed his mind and decided Mike Johnson should be speaker instead, how cool of Jesus was that! (Oh look, he actually said some God’s plan bullshit during his acceptance speech today.)
He loved Trump’s Muslim ban.
He thought it was illegal for Joe Biden to fly the pride flag at the White House because he was too stupid to realize there was an American flag on the roof flying above it. (Flag code stuff.)
One time he whined and bitched about Roe v. Wade, saying if all those able-bodied people were in the workforce, they wouldn’t have to cut Social Security and Medicare.
He wants to cut those.
Basically he’s Jim Jordan if Jim Jordan ironed his clothes and bought his dress shirts at a store where adult professional men shop. Their voting records are the same. NBC News reporter Ali Vitali says somebody told her Johnson is “Jim Jordan with a jacket and a smile.” MSNBC’s Ari Melber said in an interview with Democratic leader Hakeem Jeffries that what he heard Jeffries saying was that Mike Johnson is “a less stylistically annoying Jim Jordan.” Jeffries responded, “One could say that.”
Johnson’s brand is “I’m fucking crazy and really pretty stupid, but I look like a pretty studious boy in these glasses, so the Beltway media will probably play with their dicks while I trample the Constitution.”
Bet on it.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.