Is It Time For Class War? (Hint: Yes)

• Still on the fence about whether it's time for all-out up-against-the-wall eat-the-rich class war revolution? No you're not:  

  In 2014, Wall Street's bonus pool was roughly double the combined earnings of all Americans working full-time jobs at minimum wage. [...]

  The average bonus for one of New York City's 167,800 employees in the securities industry came out to $172,860—on top of an average salary of nearly $200,000.

  But of course they need all that money to afford their $2000 plate of pasta and their artisanal ice. 

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  And after all, they work so hard, unlike the rest of us poor dumb bastards. Don't they deserve it?

•  Um ... uh ... OK? 

  I've learned the real reason why Mitt Romney chose not to run for president for a third time in 2016.

  He's taking up boxing.

  In fact, Romney is slated to fight former heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield in the marquee event during a several-bout evening at the Rail Event Center near the Union Pacific Depot in Salt Lake City on May 15.

  "It will either be a very short fight, or I will be knocked unconscious," Romney quipped in an interview recently. "It won't be much of a fight. We'll both suit up and get in the ring and spar around a little bit."

  So like everything else about Romney, it will be wholly -- oh, what's the word? -- inauthentic. Yeah, that sounds about right.

  The fundraiser will be aimed toward attracting corporate sponsorships, and will run between $250,000 to $25,000, depending on the level of sponsorship. Josh Romney said corporate sponsors can then bring in guests, "so it will be a good promotion for them [the sponsors]."

  "We just thought it would be a lot better to provide this kind of entertainment rather than just have dinner and listen to speakers," Mitt Romney said.

• It's a-comin', even in Texas:  

  Marriage equality hasn't arrived in Texas, but in one possible sign that it's on its way, the daily newspaper in the state's most conservative big city has begun publishing same-sex wedding announcements.

   The Star-Telegram of Fort Worth today published its first-ever same-sex wedding announcement, according to David Mack-Henderson , president of the LGBT group Fairness Fort Worth[.]

•  Republicans in disarray -- even more:  

  House Republican leaders are alarmed that they’ll be unable to corral a majority to pass a budget in the coming weeks, a failure that would cast serious doubts about the ability of the new GOP-controlled Congress to advance its agenda and likely dash hopes of overhauling the Tax Code this year. [...]

  The blueprints due out this week in each chamber will provide the first hard evidence of how aggressively the GOP intends to pursue its top stated priority of fiscal discipline. Though the budgets are partisan documents that won’t be signed into law, failing to marshal enough GOP support to pass one would be a debilitating setback for a party trying to prove it can govern after taking full control of Congress.

•  Definitely had it coming:  

  Cas Overton, 75, can claim something few others can: She strangled a rabid raccoon with her bare hands that was trying to attack her.

  The Henrico County, Va., woman was walking alone looking at birds at Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens, where she volunteers. She suddenly noticed what appeared to be a rabid raccoon in front of her. It lunged at the inside of her left leg, puncturing her skin and latching onto her pants. [...]

  So Overton, who meditates and has practiced and taught Tai Chi for more than 40 years, pinned the raccoon to the ground and strangled it. It took about five minutes for the raccoon to stop moving.

• "Vote for me and you won't see my dick pix" is kind of a low bar for a campaign promise, isn't it? Or maybe not:

  Staten Island District Attorney Daniel Donovan promised Brooklynites last night that if they elect him to represent them in the House of Representatives, he won’t follow the example of former Congressman Anthony Weiner of Queens or Christopher Lee from western New York in uploading unclothed images of himself online. [...]

  “I will never embarrass you. I’ve run four times, I’ve been vetted up and down, there’s nothing in my background that’s going to embarrass you. And I am too old to know how to put a naked photograph of myself on the Internet.”

• Our friends at Happy Nice Time People have a fun favorite-TV-characters game to play:

  Your plane goes down… You cling to your floating seat cushion until at last you wash up on a small, uncharted island… There is only one other survivor. Who would you hope to find washed up next to you on the beach?