Ivanka Trump Building Fun, 'Quirky' Resort In Albania, In A Wildlife Refuge

Albania, Albania, you border on the Adriatic.

CORRECTION: This article has been edited to remove a reference to “Russians” in the headline, to add that Vladislav Doronin has not conducted any business in Russia since 2022, and to add that he is very handsome.

While Daddy Trump has been down in Florida arglebargling and slurring about Hannibal Lecter, griping that bacon is expensive, praising an author of Project 2025, and glitching out for 10 awkward seconds, Ivanka Trump has been doing what she does best. Trading on the family name to spend foreigners’ money! She and her waxen husband have announced plans for an Albanian resort, a complex of luxury “quirky” “Hobbit Houses” on Sazan Island. Guess there’s nowhere in America left to invest?

The resort will be managed by the Swiss company Aman Resort, which is owned by the extremely handsome Vladislav Doronin, co-founder of Moscow-based Capital Group. Doronin’s representatives write to correct us that Doronin left the Soviet Union in 1987, and that he has not conducted any business in Russia since around 2022, when he transferred his Russian holdings to his mother, shortly after suing a publication for intimating he was a Russian oligarch. That suit has been settled.

Sazan Island is currently a specially protected area for birds and wildlife, and the site of a former Soviet military base that’s still full of abandoned Cold War bunkers and tunnels, and was once used by Italian fascists in the ‘30s. 

Destroying an environmentally protected area to build on top of a war site with Saudi bucks, mediocre overpriced Italian food, that sure hits all the Jarvanka sweet spots! Kushner also says he plans to build several hotels and hundreds of villas on Zvërnec Island, a coastal area in Vlorë, in the south of Albania. 

Yeah, sure, it’s potentially a massive conflict of interest to have the potential future president’s family financially benefiting from investments abroad. Wasn’t that the entire point of Republicans crying about with the whole something something Hunter Biden Burisma board? If it wasn’t for hypocrisy and self-dealing, these people would have no values at all! Senate Finance Committee Chair Ron Wyden is investigating Kushner’s shady dealings, FWIW.

“Building and real estate is like a giant puzzle and I love puzzles,” Ivanka enthused to Russian-American podcaster Lex Fridman about the project. “Like how to fit $2 billion of Saudi Bonesaw money into a knockoff-looking vinyl purse.” (We made up that second part.)

Ivanka’s new project will go well with hubby’s plans to build a luxury hotel and 1,500 residential units and a museum in Belgrade, at the site of the former headquarters of the Yugoslav Army. The headquarters were destroyed in 1999 by NATO bombings after the Yugoslav army started genociding in Bosnia. But the Kush plans to put a memorial to victims of NATO there, lest you wonder where the Trump family sympathies lie.

You know who’s on the side of NATO? Joe Biden.

Kushner’s also licked his chops at the idea of putting a resort on the Gaza strip, right after Netanyahu puts the finishing touches on that peace in the Middle East that Jared made for him after reading 25 books.

Remember when the Kush was denied a security clearance? Possibly because according to US officials, in December 2016 Kushner suggested setting up a secret back channel with Russian ambassador Sergei Kislyak, and also met with the head of the Russian bank, which he did not disclose when he applied for the clearance? But President Father-in-Law bypassed the usual steps to get him a clearance anyway. 

Kushy sure has been following his lucky rainbow to a pot of gold! Businesses owned by Trump himself also received around $7.8 million in payments from foreign governments and officials in 20 countries, including China, Saudi Arabia, and Qatar during his administration.

But Hunter Biden Hunter Biden! Did we mention Hunter Biden?

[Sarajevo Times/ Daily Mail/ EuroNews]