Jared Kushner Has So Many War-Torn Death Sites To Build Resorts On, So Little Time

Ivanka's dead-eyed husband making plans for his Saudi lucre.

While Republicans have been stapling their dongers to the wall howling Biiiiden Corrupptionnn, Ivanka’s husband has been fixing his dead-eyed gaze on building luxury resorts in Serbia and Albania, and also Gaza, with that $2 billion (at least!) in Saudi Bonesaw money he got. 

Yes, Gaza! He’s got a whole plan, and he took his stubbly neckbeard to Harvard to Jaredsplain his nuanced geopolitical insights to Middle East experts whose classes he didn’t bother to take after his folks bought his way in.

“The thing that I would do if was Israel right now is I would just bulldoze something in the Negev, I would try to move people in there … go in and finish the job. […] Gaza’s waterfront property, it could be very valuable, if people would focus on building up livelihoods. […] It’s a little bit of an unfortunate situation there but I think from Israel's perspective I’d do my best to move the people out and then clean it up.”

A little bit?

“Are people in Israel seriously talking about that possibility? About hosting Gazan refugees in Israel?” wondered interviewer Professor Tarek Masoud.

“I dunno,” said the guy who got paid $2 billion for his geopolitical expertise. “I’m sitting in Miami Beach right now. I’m just thinking what I would do.”

Well, he did read 25 books on the subject.

Yep, that’s what Jared would do, look at 30,000 fatalities and starving, limbless orphaned toddlers, and say “but what about all the people who don’t have summer homes!” The interviewer’s expression says it all.

Never mind that that would be against international law. Also Negev is Israeli territory, and a desert not equipped to handle an influx of 1.2 million extra people. Also the 760,000 Israelis who are currently living there would probably not be too jazzed about it. Details, details!

Kushner’s also got another bright investment idea, building luxury condos in Albania and Serbia. Reported the New York Times, 

Jared Kushner, the son-in-law of Donald J. Trump, confirmed that he was closing in on major real estate deals in Albania and Serbia, the latest example of the former president’s family doing business abroad even as Mr. Trump seeks to return to the White House.

Mr. Kushner’s plans in the Balkans appear to have come about in part through relationships built while Mr. Trump was in office. Mr. Kushner, who was a senior White House official, said he had been working on the deals with Richard Grenell, who served briefly as acting director of national intelligence under Mr. Trump and also as ambassador to Germany and special envoy to the Balkans.

One of the proposed projects would be the development of an island off the coast of Albania into a luxury tourist destination.

A second — with a planned luxury hotel and 1,500 residential units and a museum — is in Belgrade, the capital of Serbia, at the site of the long-vacant former headquarters of the Yugoslav Army destroyed in 1999 by the NATO bombings, according to a member of Parliament in Serbia and Mr. Kushner’s company.

Forty people were killed in 1999 at the site in Belgrade, but having never had a soul nor empathy, Jared just can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to go there for a colonic and facial.

"We are very excited," Kushner told the Times. "We have not finalized these deals, so they might not happen, but we have been working hard and are pretty close."

He also scoffed at the idea that he’s profiting off of his White House connections, and didn’t get these deals from his own hard work. “No one is ‘giving’ me deals. I operate fairly meticulously.”

Hahahahaha! Kushner got into Harvard after his folks donated $100 million. He went right to work in his family's slumlord business, which was so “meticulous” that their property management paid a $3.25 million settlement to the state of Maryland in 2022 for charging tenants illegal fees and subjecting them to moldy, leaky, rat-infested properties. And then they got sued some more for illegally evicting people during COVID.

It’s the kind of expertise you just want to shove garbage bags of money at!

Speaking of Saudi Arabia, Rupert rag The Daily Mail also reported yesterday that Jared’s BFF Mohammed Bone Saw has been openly bragging about how Jared gave him intelligence from the CIA and announced “here are your enemies,” which everybody already pretty much knew. MBS took that list and arrested hundreds of rival businessmen, detailing them at the Riyadh Ritz Carlton, and torturing at least one to death. 

Remember when Jared was denied a security clearance? That was possibly because according to US officials, in December 2016 Kushner suggested setting up a secret back channel with Russian ambassador Sergei Kislyak, and also met with the head of the Russian bank, which he did not disclose when he applied for the clearance. Or maybe it had something to do with being in on that meeting with Junior, Manafort and a Russian lawyer, where they discussed “Russian adoptions,” aka Hillary’s buttery emails that they were hoping Russia would hack, if they were listening. Or maybe it was just his massive debt that Qatar took off his hands! There’s a whole lot of reasons why Kushner might not have the US’s best interests first, here.

---

THREE LINKS TO READ FROM JUST THAT PARAGRAPH!

Turns Out The Kushners Got Their Security Clearances The Old-Fashioned Way -- From Daddy

We Think We're Starting To Get Why Russia Wanted To Do Sexxx Conspiracies With Gross Donald Trump Jr.

Lucky Jared Kushner Follows Double Rainbow To Pot Of Gold!

---

But father-in-law stepped in to order a miffed John Kelly to give him a security clearance anyway. Don’t say he was going out there grifting, he read 25 books! Not just anyone can do that.

Does it all sound pretty fucking hinky? Rep. Jamie Raskin thinks so too, and yesterday asked James Comer take a break from his performative squealing about Hunter Biden and being humiliated by his own witnesses to subpoena Kushner’s documents instead:

I am encouraged by your recent acknowledgement that “what Kushner did crossed the line of ethics” and your repeated assertions that our Committee is “investigating foreign nationals’ attempts to target and coerce high-ranking US officials’ family members by providing money or other benefits in exchange for certain actions.” […] In light of these concerns, I urge you to pursue a serious and objective investigation by issuing a subpoena to Affinity and requiring the firm to comply with my February 15, 2023, request for documents regarding its receipt of billions of dollars from Gulf monarchies shortly after Mr. Kushner left a senior White House position he used to reshape US foreign policy toward Saudi Arabia and the Middle East in Saudi Arabia’s favor — a request you have thus far allowed Mr. Kushner to ignore and defy.”

And it was not just MBS but also Qatar and the United Arab Emirates who were hot to invest with Jared the minute he left the White House, because he is so meticulous! They poured $200 million each into his investment fund. Businesses owned by Trump himself also received around $7.8 million in payments from foreign governments and officials in 20 countries, including China, Saudi Arabia, and Qatar during his administration. Emolumentum! Surely none of that bought a master key to the West Ted Nugent bathroom, where nuke secrets and CIA intelligence were shoved into boxes in between Roger Stone’s second pardon, yellowed newspapers and old copies of Time magazine.

But the Republicans sure don’t want to hear that noise. Jim Jordan tabled the subpoena, so the exact nature of Kushner’s friends-with-benefits situation may never be known.

But HUNTER BIDEN HUNTER BIDEN HUNTER BIDENNN!!!!!

Please give us $2 billion dollars.