House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer is having withdrawwwwwls. Before Matt Gaetz decided to throw the House of Representatives all cattywampus by deposing Kevin McCarthy as speaker, Comer was having a great time investigating Hunter Biden’s penis and finding rock solid evidence that Joe Biden may have possibly received money from someone at some time for something.
Impeachment was going awesome.
And then Matt Gaetz’s big ole head canceled Congress!
When we say James Comer is feeling very HEEEENNNNNNGGGGGGKKKK that’s a squinting grunting sound HEEEEEEENNNNNNNGGGGGGGGKKKKKK right now, we are not goddang foolin’.
COMER: This was a dumb move by those eight members of Congress! Many of ‘em are on my committee. I like, you know, at least six of the eight. But at the end of the day, they had no plan. They had no plan. And Larry, this could stretch out another two or three weeks.
And it’s limited the ability of the committees, not only to meet, but my committee, to do subpoenas and things like that. So you know, this isn’t bein’ productive! We got started a month late with subpoena power, I didn’t get subpoena power until basically February the first, because we went through all this in January with the speaker’s race!
Y’all! The eight, many of whom he likes, they ain’t had a plan! Y’all!
If Hunter Biden’s penis falls in the forest and James Comer ain’t there to run and jump and play hide-and-go-seek all over it, then what’s it even good for!
As Comer explained to Larry Kudlow, he’s got all this new evidence against the Bidens. They’ve got a “direct payment” to Joe Biden, which is obviously illegal because Joe Biden has always been banned by statute from possessing currency. Of course, all the information they have points to it being a personal loan being repaid by James Biden, and no evidence has come forward that James Biden is anybody other than who he says he is, which is Joe Biden’s brother.
And sure, James Biden wrote “loan repayment” on the check, but he would write that.
In the following video, Comer explains how this is all very suspicious, by extending the word “loan” out real long-like, because he doesn’t believe it is a loan. “We just proved that Joe Biden benefited from his family’s influence-peddling scheme.” (No they didn’t.)
COMER: Now, the White House is saying that Joe Biden loaned his brother money. I don’t believe he did, Larry, but HOOOWATEVER!
HOOOWATEVER!
COMER: Let’s just say they pull something out of their rear end that says Joe Biden loaned Jim Biden money …
Let’s say.
Comer jingle-jangles on like a Deliverance crew fluffer for a couple more minutes about how this all proves “influence-peddling scheme,” and even if Joe Biden did loan that money, then it was repaid with “influence-peddling scheme,” and it is all just the same grade-A police work we’ve come to expect from James Comer.
“Joe Biden either MADE $200,000, or he DIDN’T LOSE $200,000. Either way, he’s $200,000 ahead because of his influence-peddling scheme,” said Comer.
We … that is …
That is not how math works.
Does James Comer’s brain have heartworms?
HuffPost has a longer explanation of what Comer’s got a his tailfeathers whipped up about this time, and surprise, it’s just another matted turd.
Comer is asking if the Bidens have proof Joe Biden lent this money to James. Yes, says Oversight Committee ranking Democrat Jamie Raskin. It’s right here:
“These records actually show that President Biden was the one who stepped in to help family members when they needed support, including by providing short term loans to his brother,” Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-Md.), the committee’s top Democrat, said in a statement.
Raskin added that the 1,400 pages of records Republicans got from their subpoenas, which asked banks for several years of records relating to the president’s brother and son, show no wrongdoing, but do reveal “payments for things like groceries, vet visits, and plumbing repairs.”
HuffPost checked the Democrats’ work, and you’ll be shocked to learn they found where Joe Biden sent James Biden the payments, and then James Biden later paid them back. They do note that when Joe Biden first wired the money, he did not write “LOAN” on it, so obviously that behavior from private citizen Joe Biden in 2018 merits impeachment for President Joe Biden in 2023.
“Even if this was a personal loan repayment, it’s still troubling that Joe Biden’s ability to be paid back by his brother depended on the success of his family’s shady financial dealings,” Comer said.
Eat fucking shit.
It’s not new that Joe Biden has had family members who have tried to do big cool things riding the coattails of the Biden name. (Not big cool things to the tune of $2 billion in Saudi blood money, but pretty neat stuff nonetheless!) It’s not new that Hunter and James did that. What none of these people have ever proven is that Joe Biden the man who is actually the president improperly benefited or that he traded on his own influence or anything even remotely approaching that.
It’s just a couple dinguses in the family hoping their ships will come in by virtue of who they’re related to. And Joe Biden is the guy in the family who bails those shitheads out.
White House spokesperson Ian Sams said Republicans should pick a House speaker instead of picking on the president’s family members.
“After rummaging through thousands of pages of a private citizen’s bank records, they have again turned up zero evidence of wrongdoing by President Biden — and that’s because there is none,” Sams said.
The “crime” James Comer exposes over and over and over again is that Joe Biden loves his son Hunter and the rest of his family far more than Donald Trump has ever or will ever love Donald Trump Jr. or Eric.
Lock him up, we guess.
[HuffPo / videos via Acyn / Eric Kleefeld]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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Dear James Comer,
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I'm surprised the Wonkette didn't liveblog Jenna Ellis's "apology."
"I'm sorry you were offended by my crimes, but I'm not JUST a lawyer, I'm a CHRISTIAN lawyer. I was totally led astray by people who were mostly older men. My REAL crime is being young, naive, easily led astray by men because that's a good Christian thing, and as we all know, I'm a GREAT Christian."
//smirks and cries, while thinking about how much she still loves daddy Trump
Note: I'm paraphrasing from memory, but you get the gist of it.