JD Vance Has New Book To Convince You He Isn't A Shameless And Thirsty Political Hack
You really have to wonder if his ghostwriter found it to be worth the paycheck.
Tuesday is a glorious day in the arena of American arts and letters. For it is the day that Vice President JD Vance drops some knowledge bombs with a new memoir, Ha Ha Suckers Who Thought I Was Some Sort of Hillbilly Whisperer Instead of a Grasping and Desperate Power-Mad Social Climbing Psychopath, How You Like Me Now, Bitches?
Sorry, that was the working title. Now that the book is published, it is titled Communion: Finding My Way Back to Faith. The book purports to be a memoir of Vance’s journey to Catholicism, which he converted to in 2019. Presumably it is a sincere examination of a personal religious journey and not an early entry in the 2028 potential presidential nominee cavalcade of memoirs that always infests election cycle publishing schedules like locusts.
Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let me know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.
We kid, we kid. Clearly it is the second thing. JD Vance doesn’t do anything out of sincerity.
Your Wonkette has not yet been able to get our hands on a copy of this tome of terribleness, this volume of vapidity, this handbook of horseshit. (Mostly for lack of trying.) But someone over at NBC News did get to read it, just to see how close Vance comes to self-awareness. Our conclusion is that at best, the jury is still waaayyyyy out.
NBC News focuses on one passage in the book in which Vance admits that his flip and juvenile 2021 description of Kamala Harris and other Democrats as “childless cat ladies” who are miserable in their offspring-free lives and want to make everyone else miserable right along with them was “boneheaded.” Sure, who knew childless people make up a significant portion of the electorate, besides everyone.
Vance also called the comments “one of the dumbest things I ever said.” Which means it is one of the dumbest things anyone has ever said, ever, since the invention of language.
But it’s this point that really caught our attention:
Vance acknowledges that the comment was “enraging” and writes that it “had the added benefit of distracting from the actual point I wanted to make, which was that our society is becoming pathologically hostile to having kids.”
We remember these comments coming back to haunt Vance after he became Donald Trump’s VP nominee in 2024. We also recall him bringing up that bit about society “becoming pathologically hostile to having kids” and A) not throwing in a shred of evidence, and B) not acknowledging the reasons why people might find it harder and scarier to have kids in 21st century America.
Oh, and also C) offering as a solution to these problems that everyone simply get their kids’ grandparents to basically be full-time caregivers like Vance’s mother-in-law did for a year so Usha Vance could clerk at the Supreme Court. Surprisingly, at least to JD Vance, most people do not seem to have this option.
Speaking of Usha, remember when she tried to clean up her husband’s boneheaded comments by saying his insult to childless women was distracting from his point that he’s just really sad about how hard it is for families to have kids these days? So sad that he has done literally not one thing about it since he became the nation’s vice president. Mostly he has been too busy insulting people on Twitter.
And as has been pointed out on social media, Vance didn’t just crack wise about childless cat ladies. He also suggested that parents with children should get more votes, since they allegedly have made more of an investment in the country’s future. Which is also incredibly insulting!
Vance does at least have the sense to admit that when you put the question directly to the American people, majorities of them favor abortion. This apparently surprised him, for he is an idiot:
Vance notes his opposition to a 2023 ballot issue in Ohio that codified abortion rights into the state constitution. The measure passed overwhelmingly. [...]
“Prudence is the better part of virtue. If your political argument on the abortion question — or any other — fails to persuade your fellow Americans, you have to make a better argument.”
Or you can do what the anti-abortion forces did, which was to spend decades and zillions of dollars maneuvering to get a right-wing supermajority on the Supreme Court. Then you can have that supermajority ban abortion for you so you don’t have to go through the messy work of convincing a majority to agree with your position.
Abortion rights activists have been telling the anti-abortion crowd for decades that the American people favor abortion rights. But it wasn’t until Roe v. Wade was overturned that the “political unpopularity” of Vance’s position became clear. Apparently, he had been in a coma in a cave on Neptune before that.
Now, a cynical person might suggest that Vance softening his position on abortion is a sweaty and desperate attempt to position himself as more of a reasonable mainstream-adjacent guy who understands the concerns of Americans who aren’t MAGA chuds. And we are that person, because we can think of no other reason why JD Vance would, as part of his book’s rollout, submit to being questioned on The View, as he did on Tuesday morning.
Though to be fair, the ladies on The View were tougher on him than most interviewers. He certainly got more pushback than he got on Sean Hannity’s show Monday night.
Sweaty, thirsty, desperate and dumb is no way to go through life, though it does seem to have worked out pretty well for JD Vance.
As far as the book is concerned, we’ll wait for the movie, which we also will not watch, because we have already spent entirely too much of our precious one life on Earth thinking about this asshole.
[NBC News]
Wonkette runs on spite, bile, and the generous support of our fans. You can also donate at our Patreon.
Goddamn his loathsomeness just oozes through the picture, like his prized conversation pit after morning delight. This filthy, rented propagandist may well be one of the smuggest people who's ever lived. Whenever he gets a cold the viruses put in Workers' Comp claims AND an antitrust violation. That he's able to pinch out books too is just more evidence that if you simp for billionaires, the world is your oyster, as long as you can force the words through the scraggly merkin glued to your face.
<...everyone simply get their kids’ grandparents to basically be full-time caregivers like Vance’s mother-in-law did for a year so Usha Vance could clerk at the Supreme Court.>
When you destroy Social Security and Medicare and the grandparents have to work, what is your solution then? As it gets harder for young people to start families because of financial situations (student debt, high housing costs, lack of employment opportunity) grandparents will be older when their kids feel confident enough to produce children.
Take all the time you need, J.D..