Closing arguments for Kamala Harris and against Donald Trump continue to stack up!
Harris did her speech at the Ellipse last night, making the case herself, and then Joe Biden said Donald Trump’s supporters, all of them, are putrid buttsnorting ogre trash Nazis with webbed feet for brains and prehensile tails for brains and pig pubises for brains. Ha ha, just kidding, we’re teasin’ Old Handsome Joe, who isn’t running for president. (Somebody should tell all the MAGA that’s jerkin’ it trying to make a Biden “basket of deplorables” moment happen.)
Jimmy Kimmel, the entertainment man, took a different approach last night. He announced early in the day that his monologue last night, all 20 minutes of it, would be intended for Republicans. No, not as a joke. He asked his followers to please share it with a Republican they love, and ask them to watch the whole thing as a favor.
Honestly, that could have gone a lot of directions, but the direction it went was actually kind and good. If you have a Republican you love, or who thinks you love them, you might want to send this to them.
Kimmel’s theory here seems to be that a lot of Republican voters actually don’t see Trump the way he (and we) do. We don’t mean how they perceive him. We mean that much of the right-wing media tries to shield less cultish viewers from what he’s really like. Watch Fox News for a bit, see how they cut away from his rallies when he starts really weird shit. Watch the “Fox & Friends” hosts try to get off the phone with him when he calls them mid-shit and babbles too long.
They don’t see what Trump says on Truth Social, because they’re not on it, because nobody of consequence is on it. Fox News didn’t breathlessly report his tweets, and we’ve all seen Republican senators and congressmen try to pretend they haven’t heard about Trump’s latest Nazi tweet or racist rally comment.
We’ve all seen the empty chairs at Trump’s loser rallies.
Harris herself seemed to be working off the same theory when, during their infamous debate, she told people to go to his rallies, so they can hear him babble about Hannibal Lecter and windmills.
So that’s what Kimmel did in his “A”-block last night. He made some jokes, but not a ton. He said clearly that if you are a person “who think Democrats are controlling the weather, or Beyoncé eats baby skin, forget it.” You are not the intended audience for this. You’re not reachable by God or man.
But he showed them pure, unfiltered Trump. He showed them years upon years of Trump saying he’s about to announce a plan to repeal Obamacare in about two months, but he can’t tell you yet, because it’s a secret, putting Trump’s “concepts of a plan” in context. He showed them Trump saying his favorite Bible verse is a secret, and when asked whether he was an Old Testament Guy or a New Testament guy, he said oh probably both.
He showed in technicolor how Trump doesn’t answer questions, and sometimes he’s. not even lying, he just tapdances. It’s because he’s entirely bullshit, he knows nothing, he knows less than nothing. He doesn’t know enough about things to lie about them, he just tapdances.
What’s the plan for childcare? “Childcare is childcare, it’s something you have to have it!”
“He’s like a child who didn’t do his book report,” said Jimmy.
He played clips of what Trump is really.saying with his mouth about kids going to school, and “they change the sex of your child.” “Perform sex-change operation and send them back home!” “Make the boy into a girl and not tell the parents.” “Your boy leaves for school and comes back, A GIRL.” “It was a HE and comes back a SHE.”
“Can you even believe we’re saying this?”
NO! said Jimmy, laughing. This is fucking bullshit, and anybody who hasn’t lost their literal actual mind knows it.
The babbling about windmills, Jimmy played every clip of it. “The wind is bullshit!” said Trump at the end of that segment.
The shark story, about the sharks and the batteries and the electrocution.
And so forth. All Trump’s goddamned infomercials about Trump coins and Trump NFT trading cards where he’s “even holding some Bitcoins!” because Trump is a fucking stupid old man who thinks you can carry around bags of Bitcoins.
His fucking Bible.
It was a really, really good segment. Watch it all, please, as we skipped a lot, including the part where Jimmy Kimmel, the comedy man, took the time to make sure voters understood exactly how many of Trump’s own former employees and appointees will not be voting for him this year, because they consider him unhinged, unfit and dangerous.
At the end, like a common Kamala Harris, Kimmel said if you’ve made it this far, then please go watch Trump’s Hitler rally at Madison Square Garden, or his three-hour appearance on Joe Rogan, where Trump made an absolute fool of himself. Yep, we’ve reached the point where it’s officially common practice to advocate for Kamala Harris by holding people’s faces in the kitchen floor dogshit of Donald Trump’s actual words and appearances, to force them to watch him and confront what he’s like.
Again, like Jimmy said early on, this isn’t for people who think Hunter Biden is controlling the weather with a Jewish space laser powered by his Chinese Communist penis. Those people are too far gone and the best we can probably do for them is make sure they have clean bedpans to use and aren’t allowed to play with scissors.
But every vote counts, and maybe there are some people to reach with this. So if you know one, do what Jimmy Kimmel says! You can even send them this post!
You might want to cut out the part about how MAGA voters have pig pubises for brains, though, that was just goddamned rude.
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Reading that post about Jon Stewart earlier, it’s easy to get jaded about comedians as they age getting insufferable, but Kimmel shows that’s not inevitable. Doing God’s work, he is.
I just waited in the freezing Midwest rain for 2 hours just to get into the early voting building.
And I did. So did all the other freezing people. Then we angrily showed our ids to the overworked people in there and we got our motherfucking vote on.
Don't let my eventual death by old-timey Victorian cold sick be in vain. Let's go.