Kristi Noem And Donald Trump Would Only Do Classiest, Most Dignified Immigrant MILF Island
They would never do The Hunger Games. It's Squid Game instead!
Welp, it’s been 116 days of asking ourselves every morning, “what despicable, dumb and evil things will these people think of to do next? How much worse can it get?”
Today it’s THIS bad: As reported by the Daily Mail, and confirmed to the Wall Street Journal by DHS Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs Tricia McLaughlin (you remember her from threatening to lock up members of Congress!), the Department of Homeland Security under puppy-shooter Kristi Noem is considering a pitch for “The American,” a reality show from a producer of “Duck Dynasty” and “Millionaire Matchmaker,” wherein immigrants compete for “the honor of fast-tracking their way to U.S. citizenship.”
Now that the Internet has exploded in disgust, McLaughlin is claiming Noem knows nothing about it. But the Daily Mail says it has confirmed that Noem supports the project and wants to make it happen.
So many unreliable narrators, eesh, who to trust here, Tricia McLaughlin or the Murdoch empire? Probably they’re both “JK unless you like the idea” fishing like Nelly.
And really, Tricia, DHS gets pitches for “hundreds” of shows? When did DHS get in the television-series production business? The department has earmarked more than $200 million for an ad campaign featuring Noem telling immigrants to go home while cosplaying in an ICE flak jacket, and shot spots with Noem in a Rolex, swanning in front of the El Salvador torture prison.
A reality show does seem like the next logical step for these tone-deaf sociopaths.
And it would be entirely on-brand if the whole thing was the idea of the Reality-Gameshow-Host-in-Chief, who has been handing out visas like door prizes to the likes of the family of the Sinaloa crime cartel and South Africa’s most rabid conspiracy theorists. While also trying to sell those “golden visas,” for $5 million or to anyone who buys a condo in The Leader’s forthcoming Dubai skyscraper, Bitcoin accepted.
Maybe Shari Redstone will get CBS to make “The American” for free as restitution for “60 Minutes” attempting to fact-check?
Anyway, whether the idea was from the top down or McLaughlin was doing all of this behind the boss’s back, nobody denies the pitch exists. And the Daily Mail has screen shots!
Gah, SO formulaic.
What would a “heritage” challenge be, and the “elimination” challenges? Seeing who can build stretches of railroad faster, like the Chinese? Making bagels, like the Polish Jews? Who can listen to Lara Trump sing for the longest before running screaming from the room?
The “Duck Dynasty” producer, Rob Worsoff, who is from Canada, wants everybody to know that it’s not as bad as it sounds, though and told the WSJ that the show is:
meant to be hopeful and a celebration of what it means to be an American citizen.
This isn’t ‘The Hunger Games’ for immigrants,’ Worsoff said. Immigrants already in the system would compete in various contests including potentially on American history and science. Worsoff stressed that losing contestants wouldn’t face deportation. ‘This is not, ‘Hey, if you lose, we are shipping you out on a boat out of the country[.]’”
Yes, a plane to Libya would be much more exciting!
Would the challenges be science-science, or RFK Jr. science? Actual history, or the GOP kind?
“True or false: Slavery gifted the slaves with valuable job skills!”
At least it’s not some version of the Most Dangerous Game. Or competition to try to guess who is an ICE agent, and who is a Proud Boy in a gaiter, hoodie, and ICE jacket they got off of eBay. ICE is already playing that in the streets!
A show we would like to see? Immigrants competing with the current administration to answer questions from the citizenship test. What is the supreme law of the land? Does the president have to follow the Constitution?
Noem is surely glad to have this craven show idea be the topic of discussion, instead of how the administration has deported more than a dozen American citizens so far (that we know of), including a child with cancer; how nine immigrants have died in custody; how her department is ignoring Supreme Court orders and impoundment and asylum laws, has blown through its budget and will be broke in two months; how we’ve defunded cybersecurity and left the country pants-down for Russian, Iranian and Chinese hackers; how FEMA is in a — you’ll pardon the expression — state of emergency, with hurricane season fast approaching; and how Noem herself is doing everything in her power to make the country more broke and less safe.
Or how she lied in Congress that DHS has been complying with the law all along, because the law doesn’t entitle people to due process.
And she probably doesn’t want to talk about how Trump’s approval rating on immigration issues has been sinking, and is even underwater with Fox viewers.
There’s a whole lot of serious things they refuse to talk about.
But here, dumb citizens, we will give you a show, and remember to drink your Brawndo. It has electrolytes!
Is it me or is Noem evolving her look to be Dark Ivanka?
Reminds me of the Cheech & Chong skit "Let's Make a Dope Deal:" "Behind one of the doors is one gallon of Lebanese hash oil. Behind the other two doors are narcs."