Kristi Noem Banned From More Native American Land Because She Still Sucks
Too bad, so sad, bye-bye.
The count of Native tribes in South Dakota that have banned Governor Kristi “Fido’s Nightmare” Noem from their land has now reached six. At this rate she might not be allowed anywhere in the state but her famous gravel pit by the end of her term.
The Yankton Sioux voted on Friday to ban Noem from their reservation, in solidarity with the five other tribes that have also banned her from their reservations, over the governor’s continued insistence on being incredibly dickish towards the Native Americans and their leaders. If incredible dickishness is the standard, Noem should also be banned from the rest of America immediately.
The banishment is part of Noem’s long-running feud with Native leaders over the issue of Mexican drug cartels operating on reservations. Now, to be fair, Mexican drug cartels really are operating on some Native reservations, which tend to be geographically enormous, underpopulated, and lightly policed hotbeds of poverty and despair. Very fertile ground for recruiting both addicts and dealers.
The problem is a real one. But Noem has been an aggressive demagogue in addressing it, accusing tribal leaders of profiting off the cartel activity. The words “Mexican drug cartels infiltrating America” probably tickle her g-spot even more than puppy murder:
“Tribals leaders should take action to ban the cartels from their lands and accept my offer to help them restore law and order to their communities while protecting their sovereignty,” Noem said. “We can only do this through partnerships because the Biden Administration is failing to do their job.”
Boy, she’s so mad at those tribal leaders, you’d think they ate her neighbor’s chickens after ruining a pheasant hunt.
The federal government actually does have lots of resources devoted to fighting drug activity in the United States, as it has had under every presidential administration for decades upon decades. Noem could probably get a few of those resources for South Dakota if she asked.
PREVIOUSLY!
But her shot at being Donald Trump’s vice president depends on her pretending Joe Biden is at fault for every ill in America from drug abuse to the continuing popularity of IPAs to eczema. Hence the cheap shots.
Anyway, Noem can now not set foot in almost 20 percent of the land in her state. And it will be more than that if the last three South Dakota tribes that haven’t yet banned her get in on the act. Even the Army’s 19th Century cavalry divisions couldn’t touch those numbers.
Your donations will not go towards buying Kristi Noem a new puppy.
I present the following numbers for a sense of scale:
- Population of USA, about 335 million
- Population of South Dakota, 910,000
- Native American population in South Dakota, 71,000
- Number of Bison in South Dakota, about 33,000
- Population of Buffalo, South Dakota, 344 people
- Number of Governors in South Dakota, 1
- Number of US Vice Presidents named Kristi Noem, 0
She's the latest in a long line of "next big thing" Republican governors who were no such thing.
Bobby Jindal. Chris Christie. Scott Walker. Ron DeSantis. Now Noem. All Republicans, mostly from red states, all touted as the fresh face that was going to connect young people with the Republican Party. All duds, failures and losers. The only difference is that Noem is going to sink into oblivion even faster than those other turkeys. She's three-quarters there already.