LAPD Has Crybully Meltdown Over Nithya Raman Mayor Win, Gavin Newsom Commutes Death Row, And The Rest Of It!

It’s a whole new world out here!

Literally LAPD right now. Photo by Marco Aurélio Conde on Unsplash

The Blue Tsunami (Blue Kelvin Wave?) hasn’t even begun to break over us yet, and already some of the worst entities in the world are absolutely shitting themselves. We’re in a whole new world, and that also means a whole new California!

Here’s a quick roundup of some of the biggest changes we’ll be seeing very soon. (And a big hello to our new governor, Xavier Becerra.)

New Los Angeles Mayor!

It’s official! Nithya Raman is going to be the next mayor of Los Angeles!

Raman, who came in to challenge beleaguered Los Angeles Mayor and onetime political ally Karen Bass from the left, is projected to win the race, making the Democratic Socialists very happy. They are already chattering like busy little bees about Raman’s Democratic Socialist priorities, which appear to be things like fixing streets, and reviving Hollywood and making LA more amenable to small businesses, and protecting people from the random street violence of ICE.

LA Law Enforcement Melting Down!

Well, Los Angeles cops just won't have that!

The LAPD’s union, the Los Angeles Police Protective League, is having a full-on shit-fit about Raman being mayor, just like they always do when they don’t get their way. This time around, they’re throwing around terms like “Armageddon,” which is exactly the sort of measured language I want from my peace officers, don’t you?

The Los Angeles police officers’ union, however, grew increasingly concerned Wednesday, after putting significant money behind the Bass campaign.

Jamie McBride, one of the union’s leaders, said he is very concerned about Raman’s potential victory.

“If Nithya Raman becomes the mayor, the city needs to prepare for Armageddon,” McBride said, emphasizing that the nation’s third largest police department is already severely understaffed ahead of the 2018 LA Olympics. “She won’t have to defund the police; police officers will just leave the department.”

“After putting significant money behind the Bass campaign.” HA HA HA. You can just say you lost money by donating to a campaign that didn’t quite make it, it’s happened to all of us! But ya know, guys, I think you might be right. Time to go! You’re all far too emotional and hormonal to be working in the business of actually enforcing laws.

I’m just kidding, because I know not one of these cops threatening to leave is going to leave. They’re just like billionaires (except that they’re much poorer) in that they have these little toddler tantrums all the time, usually over not being able to do more violence against unarmed protesters!

Los Angeles law enforcement agencies and their unions always start to hint at quitting when they don’t get their way. It’s just like a domestic abuser threatening to withhold support if their spouse doesn’t do exactly what they want! (In fact, that is at least 40 percent likely to be true — Google “law enforcement 40%” and you’ll see what I mean.)

Waaaah give us more money or we are gonna quit! (2014)
Waaaah don’t make us get vaccinated for COVID-19 in the middle of a pandemic or we are gonna quit! (2021)
Waaaah let us have full impunity over LA’s transit system or we are gonna quit! (2022)
Waaaah give us more money or we are gonna really quit this time! (2023)
Waaaah don’t make us show our LASD gang tattoos or we are really super gonna quit! (2023)
Waaaah don’t make us stop beating down journalists covering stories or we’re going to quit! (2025)
Waaah don’t make us stop doing racial profiling or we are gonna quit! (2026)

It’s worked for them for ages, because what the worst of LA law enforcement is actually doing is threatening to stir up violence if they don’t get their political way, which is actually pretty funny, because that’s all they ever seem to fucking do these days.

Except, of course, when they are standing around and watching as those jackbooted ICE cobardes are shooting yet another American in the back and helping them lie about it. No offense to the Los Angeles cops who don’t do this shit, but I’m not seeing too many of you around lately!

The Los Angeles Police Department and the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department are the exact reasons I went from a young centrist, cops-friendly street beat reporter to whatever it is I have become today, and they did that by simply being exactly what they are, which is on full display this week.

Add another entity to the “is slowly realizing the world has changed without them and their stupid bullshit conspiracy theories don’t work any more and it’s really fucking funny” list! I have it right here.

California Taking Climate Lead

California’s lawmakers are going to be at the forefront of unwinding the destructive climate policies that have been a major part of the Trump administration. And it’s a big fuckin’ deal, too, because … I’ll let Zoe Lofgren say it in her own words.

[Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-San José)] said the change represents a real opportunity to restore faith in science after two years of policies that have undermined it. The committee under Republican leadership launched a probe into the National Academies of Sciences over a report reaffirming the evidence for climate change.

“We’re not confused that climate change is going on. Neither are most Americans,” Lofgren said. “Ask any farmer in my district, and they’ll tell you climate change is going on.”

Elected officials who admit that the climate is changing instead of gaslighting us about it? Hold me, I’m gonna cry happy tears.

California Propositions

Everything is still too early to call as of Thursday afternoon, but it’s not looking good for the billionaire tax, which I really wanted, specifically because I am just so goddamn sick of those assholes. Tax them all into the sun and feed the hungry, for God’s sake!

But I think a tax is coming. I see it getting swept in on that big-ass blue wave that just flooded out a bunch of nasty little rats. Don’t disappoint me, New Blue!

Prop 40 (one-time billionaire tax): Getting absolutely spanked. 55-45 right now. I am so sad. Don’t you all want to make billionaires cry with me? Don’t you want to feed hungry kiddos and make sure the libraries can stay open?

Prop 41 (stupid billionaire bullshit that would require ongoing audits of all projects funded by special taxes): Winning 52-41. Very disappointing, but may backfire in a very hilarious way on those exact billionaires once they forget about it, which they will, because they’re all high as shit on ketamine one hundred percent of the time.

(“Allegedly!” — my lawyers.)

Prop 42 (even stupider billionaire bullshit that would prohibit new state taxes on personal properties and effectively turn California into a tax haven for annoying assholes): Winning 53-46. I want to go find these voters and slap them around with a large trout. You idiots! You aren’t rich enough to benefit from this! The only people who are benefiting are the ones actively fucking us all over!

Prop 43 (Prop 13 on steroids, the stupidest billionaire bullshit of all): Intended to raise the threshold for tax initiatives from a simple majority (51%) to a two-thirds majority (66%). At least this one is losing pretty remarkably, 55-44, so far, anyway!

Honorable mention to the utter failure of Prop 39, the racist “voter ID law,” which even I thought might have a better showing than this.

Gavin Newsom Sees You, Feels You, Touches You, Heals You

Gov. Gavin Newsom, who most recently pissed off a whole lot of people by coming out against that goddamn billionaire tax that is now failing, probably because of him, just did something so amazingly good that I groaned out loud. Great job, Gov. Goodhair! I bet he’s considering a Goodhair presidency somewhere down the line.

Here’s the amazing thing he did! He commuted the sentence of every single prisoner on death row in the entire state — 548 people — because he says capital punishment is morally objectionable.

He is completely right! It is! But I didn’t expect to hear that from him. I wonder if he’s doing the same thing a lot of others did this week: Looked at the returns and realized, oh shit, this isn’t our grandpa’s country any more!

In conclusion, eat shit racists, especially Spencer Pratt!

OPEN THREAD.