Jake Lang, the world’s stupidest far-right influencer (now that we’ve mostly heard the last of Jacob Wohl), has really been on one lately. He’s facing felony hate crime charges in Minneapolis for having destroyed an anti-ICE ice sculpture commissioned by a veterans group, he managed to get himself banned from Texas before it turned blue, and has otherwise just been traveling all around the nation, holding these sad 1-15 person protests at random events and also begging Donald Trump, who already pardoned him for having attacked police officers with a baseball bat at the January 6 insurrection, to take him in to Mar-a-lago as a “political refugee.”
(Should you care to see him begging, click “show more” below, and click “show less” when you’re done looking at his face.)
Over the weekend, he and his equally sad and creepy friend Thomas Wayne Allen (currently facing assault charges for attacking a woman in Portland) went and “raided” a Diwali event in Seattle, whereupon they held grotesquely racist signs reading “Deport All Dotheads” and “Stop Hindu Replacement of Christians” and interrupted a children’s dance performance in order to scream about how they do not want Indian people in the United States.
That bullshit was notably condemned by many prominent Indian Americans, including Rep. Pramila Jayapal, who wrote on social media, "I am beyond disgusted by this vile and racist display. Diwali is an important holiday and our community should feel safe to celebrate it. This hateful display has no place in our city or this country."
It was also condemned by Harmeet Dhillon, Trump’s outgoing US assistant attorney general for the Civil Rights Division. Despite the fact that Dhillon must, at this point, be at least somewhat aware that the leopards are coming for her face, she still tried to frame the criticism as a dig at leftists anyway, writing, “The [Jake Lang] types doing this performance art bigotry are despicable, and no different than color revolution leftists.”
But that was not the end of his antics in Seattle, for he and his pal also stopped by a cat convention/adoption event in order to accuse everyone there of being “soft-core porn” and of “grooming children.”
Why? Because he thought that Sea-Meow, a cat convention for cat people who love cats and want to adopt cats, was a fur con. Or a convention for furries. So he went there and filmed himself screaming at all the people there.
We hope you will watch this video, despite his screaming, because it is the damn funniest thing I have ever seen — the cat mascots doing aggravated Cat Dancing at Lang are particular heroes — and oh no, now I am dead.
“You guys are indoctrinating the youth with homosexual and transsexual ideas,” he whined. “This furry stuff is not for children. This is a homosexual, sexual, sexual, these people are sexualizing children! They're inviting — look at all the children!”
Yes, because you know who likes kittens? Children.
“They're trying to bring some type of soft porn,” he continued, apparently believing that “soft porn” literally involves soft, furry, animal mascot outfits. “This is soft porn that they're inviting children to come into.”
“These people here, they dress up in these outfits and then they have sex with each other in them every single weekend, and now they're inviting the children to come to their furry convention. They’re mislabeling it as —” he claimed before being interrupted by someone trying to explain to him that it’s a convention for cats that, you know, had some people wearing silly cat mascot-type outfits out front.
For what it’s worth, the “furry” shit is not necessarily sexual and a lot of people involved in the subculture take offense to the idea that it is. They’re just, you know, not especially claustrophobic people who like to wear mascot outfits and hang out.
“These are sexualized images,” he cried, pointing at someone in a winged cat costume who was at one point in the video doing the Charleston behind him as he ranted. “In the state of Washington, in the city of Seattle, they're grooming children, trying to sexualize young children into this fetish. […] This is exactly what you see when you look on Pornhub and you type in ‘furry.’”
Lang, naturally, prefers to groom 15-year-olds girls through his DMs.
I’m not going to go check his assessment of Pornhub’s furry fare, but I guess he would be the expert on this matter. All I can say is, he’s going to have a real rough time of it if he ever goes to Disneyland or Times Square. So much fetishism! So much indoctrination!
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This is, without question, one of the goddamned funniest things I have ever seen in my life. One thing I do kind of love for Republicans is the fact that they found out about furries like 15-20 years after everyone else did (I guess they did not watch TLC beyond the “This family has 85,000 kids!” shows or have Tumblr?), learned like two things about them, and immediately created their own lore. I’m not saying that’s fair to the furries or to the children they so weirdly accuse of using litterboxes at school, but it is just very emblematic of the way they understand anything at all. It’s an absolutely perfect case study. If you want to know how the conservative brain takes in information and draws conclusions, all you really need to do is look at this ridiculous man, standing outside a cat convention and screaming about soft porn in front of the children he is supposedly trying to protect.
Chef’s kiss!
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
I am SO INTERESTED in who's paying for this dude's constant travel
Because he does not appear to have an actual JOB
January 6 rioter Jake Lang has traveled to and staged demonstrations (read: HARASSED PEOPLE) in several U.S. cities following his presidential pardon:
• Narrowsburg, New York (Born here)
• New York City, New York (Staged demonstrations, including outside AIPAC headquarters and Gracie Mansion)
• Dearborn, Michigan (Led anti-Muslim and Quran-burning protests)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota (Held pro-ICE and anti-immigrant rallies, and was arrested after driving a vehicle onto a sidewalk near City Hall)
• Plano, Texas (Staged protests and was later arrested and banned from Texas following terroristic threat charges)
• Seattle, Washington (Targeted a Diwali celebration and a local event/convention)
• Washington, D.C. (Participated in the January 6 Capitol attack and announced plans for future demonstrations)
Can one of the genius researchers we have here dig into, as was said in Purple Rain -- "Who's paying for this, Morris?"
Thank you for your attention to this matter
;-)
Who?