Lunatic North Dakota GOP State Rep Says Congress Must Do The Following Calisthenics For Christ

Meet Brandon Prichard. He is not the fun kind of Brandon.

Oct 02, 2023

JoeMyGod found us all a good crazy person. It is North Dakota Republican state Rep. Brandon Prichard, who is obviously a Christian fascist and a gigantic dork.

And he’s been on the Tweeters the past couple days!

You know that thing about how physical fitness and exercise are great for everybody, but MAGA men with Little Man Syndrome/daddy issues have a really bizarre relationship with it?

Yeah well, check out Brandon:

Ell Em Ay Oh.

“The US Senate and House should have a fitness test every year.
Very simple.
Every member of Congress must do 5 sit-ups, 5 push-ups, 1 pull up, and submit to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
How many would make it?”

Well, Brandon, the Jewish ones and the Muslim ones and the non-religious ones and the Christians who aren’t fucking white supremacist lunatics probably would tell you to eat rocks. But maybe MTG could put together a CrossFit Caucus.

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As we said, this boy has been all over Tweeter the past few days, demonstrating every single weird white fascist Christian insecurity and delusion that exists.

He really wants to ban porn. He says it “destroys men.” He says, “Conservative states should start banning OnlyFans, for everyone.” He’s been yapping today about how states need to “combat pornography addictions,” as if that is not in large part a problem specifically related to and created by conservative Christianity. He wants “Cheap state services to block inappropriate content on personal devices.” Nothing like begging the nanny state to protect fundamentalist Christians from themselves.

Surprise, he’s an anti-LGBTQ+ bigot. He says, “All schools should have LGBTQ history taught and lesson one should be Sodom and Gomorrah.” Dumb motherfucker must have never read in the Bible where it explains what the sin of Sodom was (spoiler, not homosexuality).

He says, “Any Republican that thinks a child should attend a drag show should be censured or expelled from the party.” Dumb motherfucker must not be aware that kids are far more likely to be abused/molested/groomed by Christian conservative youth group leaders and pastors than they are by drag queens or any other LGBTQ+ people.

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He’s super fucking upset that North Dakota State University recently voted on its homecoming royalty and picked two kings and no queen. But the little weenus isn’t upset because the homecoming court actually is gay — this happened because of the rules of how NDSU votes on its royalty — but because it looks gay. And he’s gonna make a law against it!

Back with the weird fitness shit, he says, “raw milk for school children should be a national security priority!”

And of course he wants to have all the states swear their allegiance to Jesus.

“Every conservative state should put into code that Jesus Christ is King and dedicate their state to Him.
Force RINOs to say no to Jesus and then brutalize them in elections.
We need a government of Christians, not fakers.”

Okeydokey artichokey.

And everybody has to do 20 Christ Crunches.

And 10 Blessed Burpees.

And everybody has to do 15 Jesus Jacks.

And 16 Lunges for the Lord. (Eight each side.)

And a one-armed Cross Carry around the room.

And 12 Risen From The Dead Lifts.

And probably some planks and squats would be good, we dunno.

OPEN THREAD.