MAGA Hates Markwayne Mullin Now, Wants Trump's French Bulldog Bill Pulte At DHS Instead
Bless these losers' hearts, they always find a new way to fail.
We knew Markwayne the Plumber Mullin would fail as DHS secretary, because anybody who’s ever watched that guy for three minutes knows he’s going to fail. But we weren’t sure how.
After the age of Nazi Barbie Kristi Noem and her (allegedly!) boner buddy Corey Lewandowski making complete asses of themselves and a mockery of an entire government agency, it seemed like Mullin’s idea was to get in there and try to keep his head down, make the ICE Nazis a little bit quieter and more effective, maybe try to learn to hurt human beings without constantly having to brag about it like that Little Man Syndrome weenus Greg Bovino. Mullin said as much. He didn’t want ICE making headlines.
And based on one headline we saw this morning, it sounds like that could be having some success. CBS News reports that ICE detentions set a monthly record in July, 46,000, at least compared to the rest of the months of the Trump regime. That’s after a June that itself set a record, 43,000.
Of course, ICE is out there making headlines again, for committing murder in plain sight.
So maybe the plan isn’t going exactly as intended for Markwayne Pigfuck the Goober Plumber, for whom all jobs are above his paygrade.
And now Politico Playbook is reporting that all of MAGA hates him anyway, because he’s not a performative enough Nazi for them. Remember that thing about not having to brag about it because of all your Little Man Syndrome? Uhhhh, if nobody is bragging about things because of their Little Man Syndrome, does MAGA even exist?
The headline of Playbook this morning is “MAGA vs. Mullin,” and oh boy, they really do hate him. They think he’s a wuss and a cuck and a beta and a soy boy.
The summary:
Rage boiled over on X Saturday after Mullin spoke about immigration reform at the National Governors Association Summer Meeting in Oklahoma City. Drawing a distinction between immigrants pursuing legal status and those who aren’t, he called for changes to employment visa programs to address labor shortages.
A couple hours later, he posted on X: “NO amnesty for illegal aliens. Ever.”
Mullin sustained a barrage of attacks from the likes of Laura Loomer, Robby Starbuck, Nick Sortor, Tomi Lahren, and former Border Patrol chief Gregory Bovino.
Popular MAGA podcaster Jake Posobiec told Playbook that after Mullin’s comments over the weekend “there is a growing wave among MAGA to find a DHS secretary who puts deportations first.”
The new MAGA conventional wisdom: Mullin is weak on immigration. That has some Trump allies pushing for a less-diplomatic choice for the job: Bill Pulte.
“MAGA wants President Trump to detail ‘Pitbull’ Pulte to DHS,” Steve Bannon, part of a growing chorus of the MAGA faithful blasting Mullin, told Playbook. “Mullin is the wrong guy at the wrong time for the wrong job — a time when we need focus on ‘mass deportations,’ we get an amnesty advocate.”
Playbook notes all the things we noted, that ICE numbers are actually up. But it also, in a gentler way than we did, notes that MAGA is full of men who couldn’t speak softly and carry a big stick if they paid doctors good money for soft voices and big sticks. And it’s even become the opinion inside the White House:
“It takes a lot to unite this administration around a cohesive point of view,” a senior administration official told Playbook. “Mullin deserves credit where credit is due. Everyone agrees he sucks donkey butt.”
Well OK. Truly, it is amazing that the Trump regime can’t find anyone who isn’t an ass-sucking clown to do anything well.
That blockheaded ball-washer Bill Pulte would fail too, by the way, because he’s dreadfully fucking stupid, just an ass-kisser, not a guy who has any inner strength as a man outside of which more powerful MAGA man he’s being an obedient little French bulldog for. (Pit bull? Hahahahahahaha, no.)
Playbook noted one other thing that’s making Mullin’s position precarious, something people on the left also noted, for different reasons. At that very same governors event, Mullin was all up the ass of and buddy-buddy with Pennsylvania and Maryland governors Josh Shapiro and Wes Moore, both notably Democrats.
Did we all see this grossness with Moore? MAGA hates this, again for different reasons.
Interesting, because we keep hearing that Wes Moore is on the list of 2028 Democratic presidential contenders.
People who kiss fascist ass and say “thank you” to them and tell them what a good job they’re doing, who apparently just love ICE when it’s not personally embarrassing them too much?
Are not 2028 Democratic presidential contenders.
What we guess we’re saying is that a lot of people in this blog post deserve to fail.
Want to read more Evan than just what’s at Wonkette? Visit The Moral High Ground and subscribe to it!
Follow me on Instagram!
Subscribe to me on YouTube!
And on BlueSky!
And on Facebook!
Ask not how much donkey butt your country sucks. Ask how much donkey butt you can suck for your country.
This dude is mentally ill. Deeply.
So is Cheryl Hines, though I'd say she's worse.
***
Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s staff cut off a USA Today interview question about the grossest food he has ever eaten, moments after he admitted eating "stuff I find on the street."
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. made the admission Wednesday in an exclusive video interview with USA Today's Francesca Chambers.
The interview was conducted in connection with the launch of his new Real Food Show, a White House-backed cooking series promoting affordable, healthy meals.
"…I will literally eat anything… I don't have a gag reflex," Robert F. Kennedy Jr. told Chambers. "When I travel, I'll eat, you know, even stuff I find on the street, you know, street vendors, cooking."
Chambers pressed him on whether he had eaten anything that had left others stunned.
"Like, is there stuff that you've eaten that people are like, wow. You ate that," Chambers asked.
"You mean, like, something gross? Or?" Robert F. Kennedy Jr. replied.
"Yes. Maybe gross for others. Yeah. Not for you," Chambers said.
"I'm getting a signal not to answer that question," Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said, shutting down the line of questioning.