Marjorie Taylor Greene Nails Her 95 Feces To Mike Johnson's Church Door
Just kidding, it was only four.
Last night, it was reported that Marjorie Taylor Greene and her one friend Rep. Thomas Massie — whose face looks like a pair of torn, stretched-out and yellowed grandpa-sized tighty-whities left out during a thunderstorm — would be meeting with House Speaker Mike Johnson today to determine whether she’d be releasing the hostages and dropping her motion to vacate Johnson’s speakership. Yes, even though we already know the Democrats made a deal to save Johnson’s ass in exchange for direly necessary Ukraine aid, because even in a Republican House, Democrats can’t help but win. (Of course, there is some concern that if that came to pass, more Republicans could revolt, blah blah blah.)
They also met yesterday, and Greene said afterward that nothing has changed. "I have been patient. I have been diligent. I have been steady. And I have been focused on the facts. And none of that has changed,” said Greene, who thinks she’s in control here. So maybe she’ll still bring up a vote this week, like she’s been saying.
Johnson, meanwhile, sounded yesterday like he tried to Have A Talk with Greene and Massie, to impress upon them concepts like How To Count Votes The Mathematics Way, and so forth:
"I would really like to advance much more of our conservative policy on a daily basis here. But the reality is we are working with the smallest majority in US history with a one-vote margin."
In other words, extremist lunatic Mike Johnson isn’t against Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Nazi fantasies per se. It’s just that he learned how to count in preschool and he hasn’t looked back since.
Politico now has the list of 95 (4) theses (butt turds) Marjorie Taylor Greene nailed to (threw at) the church door in Wittenberg (Mike Johnson’s face) during their meeting. Her demands? They are simple terrorist traitor demands, really. And you know who negotiates with terrorist traitors? MAGA speakers.
This is what Congresswoman Cow Patty is demanding, per Politico:
No further aid for Ukraine;
A return to the “Hastert Rule,” meaning no legislation is brought to a vote without support from a majority of the House majority;
Defunding the special counsel probes into former President Donald Trump in upcoming appropriations; and
Enforcement of the “Massie Rule,” whereby government funding is automatically cut across the board if no superseding agreement is reached before a set deadline.
Just a few things.
Simply have America turn its back on our ally Ukraine and suck Vladimir Putin’s murderous dick instead; and cancel the criminal investigations into Donald Trump; and do “the Hastert rule,” which you might have forgotten has literally nothing to do with how to protect Republican members of Congress who like to run around with minors.
Also a little sumpin’ for her friend Thomas Massie, who looks like the wet underpants.
Politico assesses that Johnson might be able to give her Hastert going forward, and maybe some version of Massie. The others? Fuck off.
Politico also assesses that MTG’s very cozy loving relationship with Donald Trump is “on the line”:
The former president “could not have been clearer,” one person close to him said last night, in signaling that he isn’t interested in any more intraparty drama this election season.
In other words, Marjorie Taylor Greene’s colleagues would like her to make like a fucking tree and get space lasered.
Anyway, that’s what the Greene/Massie/Johnson meetings are about, we’ll see what the rest of the week holds for these fuckwits. (They’re probably meeting as this is publishing, or maybe just finished.)
We’ll end with this tweet from Greene yesterday, which contains the most easy-to-answer question in the entire universe:
What deal has been made? The one that makes it so Marjorie Taylor Greene doesn’t matter anymore.
The end.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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OT: I FINALLY MOVED IN TO MY NEW APARTMENT! It’s small, and I’ve got more boxes of books than places to put them, and they apparently didn’t clean after the last tenants, but the freakout is over. Now begins the cleaning up, the setting up my internet and Please Dear GOD getting a job and getting out from my father’s butthole.