Martha Stewart's Best Hacks For Aspiring Home Chefs! Tabs, Fri., Aug. 18, 2023

Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Hey guys, I know the “see all” link is missing from above our most recent stories, and I don’t know when it’s coming back! Use this Wonkette archive link instead!

MISSOULA, MONTANA, come see us TOMORROW afternoon/evening! Sat., Aug. 19, 5-8 p.m. at the Union Club, 208 E. Main St.! Can’t wait to see your faces! Drinks are on the other wonkers, by way of me!

Yeah, no, “using sirens would have sent people running into the fire” is a weird excuse — if people would usually run uphill from the tsunami on hearing the sirens, in this case they would SEE THE FIRE AND DO NOT THAT — and Maui’s emergency director is “embattled” for a reason. Yikes. (NBC News)

A long un from Popehat explaining (quite a few!) things about Fulton County DA Fani Willis’s RICO indictment, particularly the history of “overt acts” (which are not crimes) as bulwark against tyranny, instead of putting you in jail for a conspiracy of running your drunk mouth you had to do something to further it, even if that thing was dumb. Included: His assessment of Willis’s framing and indictmentese. He’s not a huge fan of it! And don’t get mad, he is allowed.

Huh, all these Republicans actively lying that Trump magnanimously decided against prosecuting Hillary Clinton, which is very much that did not happen. (Maddowblog)

Lawfare goes deep on what happened when Sidney Powell and the Kraken crew decided to break into the voting machines in Coffee County, Georgia.

Judge stays his own super crazy order requiring Southwest attorneys to receive First Amendment training from the hate group Alliance Defending Freedom, but the underlying case (which most of us only heard about a couple weeks ago and which Southwest is thankfully also appealing) is NUTS. This one lady harassed her stew union president over and over and over thousands of times over, calling her a baby killer and shit, and they fired her for harassing a coworker in her off hours but she won a jury verdict saying Southwest had trampled her freedom of religion, like what even the fuck. (Law Dork)

NPR got ICE’s inspector reports, which both the Trump and Biden administrations tried to keep secret, for very good reason: Their own inspectors called their practices “barbaric,” and they’re fucking filthy.

Ron DeSantis and Chris Rufo’s takeover of New College going super great and awesome just like you knew it! By which I mean I’m gonna throw up. (Lawyers Guns & Money / Inside Higher Ed (reg req)

Gavin Newsom wants to reform how counties spend the millionaire tax, which goes up and down but lately has brought in like $4 billion a year, to do “whatever it takes” on homelessness, children’s programs, and mental health. Interesting, at Politico.

International chess association won’t be letting any of you transes trans about all transily, making a million people ask WAIT why the fuck are they gender-segregating CHESS? (Erin in the Morning)

Of course you want to read about the “reverse supply chain,” or what happens to all the million billion trillion things we bought online and then returned, because it’s fascinating. (Pretty shocked to hear that Amazon isn’t just sending all its broken shit straight to Bed Bath & Beyond and Home Goods’ clearance racks, which is full of so much actually busted stuff with pieces falling off, and they take off like two bucks.) You’re gonna feel bad about your online shopping habit, wait no, that’s me. — New Yorker

Aw, I miss MySpace. I forgot Rupert Murdoch broke it like a common Elno. The inside story! (Daily Beast)

HURRICANES DON’T HIT CALIFORNIA, ARIZONA, AND NEVADA, ACCUWEATHER, WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK. “The track and potential impacts of Hilary are an extraordinarily rare event – one that many people might only experience once or twice in a lifetime. The atmospheric conditions have to be perfect for a tropical cyclone to take the track predicted for Hilary. First, El Nino conditions (warmer than historical average water temperatures in parts of the Pacific) are necessary to help fuel the storm as it moves north. Second, Hilary is being squeezed between a building heat dome across the middle of the U.S. to the east and a dip in the jet stream to the west. This will allow Hilary to move more northward instead of the typical west or northwest of most tropical cyclones in this region.” Hurricane Hilary because of course she is. Everybody be so careful out there!

Sure, Martha Stewart’s kitchen hacks, works for me. (Food Republic)