Moms For Liberty’s School Board Candidates Lose Bigly In Florida

Voters got some shitcans for the party of Make America More Stupider Again.

Don’t tread on them! Photo by Vish K on Unsplash

The Democratic National Convention has been an explosion of joy, from an ecstatic roll call with L’il Jon hyping the crowd from the windows to the Walz, two jam-packed arenas, and Michelle and Barack Obama scorching Donald J. Trump’s whining, miserable, racist ass. (Was that a tiny peen joke we caught there? Didn’t know he had it in him!)

If you listen closely, you can hear GOP enthusiasm deflating like a punctured balloon in a whistle of air collapsing into some sputtering fart noises. 

And look over there, here’s some more big fat honking L’s for shitass Republicans who want to control your body, mind, and what your kids read! Tuesday’s primary was a string of losses for Moms For Liberty across Florida school boards, with DeSantis-backed candidates losing 11 of the 23 races they ran in, and five of the races so close that they’re headed for a runoff. Could it be that in rosy-red Florida, voters are getting a little bit sick of hysterical, hypocritical buttinskis who want to lock up librarians and make America more stupid again?

Last year, stumpy-legged failed presidential candidate and awkward robot posing as a human Gov. Ron DeSantis sat down with Moms For Liberty co-founders Tina Descovich and Tiffany Justice to come up with a list of 14 allegedly woke school board candidates to personally target, and poured $2 million into school board races. He was extra grr mad at Laura Hine and Eileen Long in Pinellas County, and Nadia Combs and Jessica Vaughn in Hillsborough County. But voters were not having it, and they won! In Sarasota County, incumbent Karen Rose, who had been allied with Moms for Liberty co-founder Bridget Ziegler, lost her job to normal person Liz Barker. Sad fart noise! In Flagler County, Derek Barrs, former highway patrol officer, lost to Janie Ruddy, an actual former teacher. Nate Spera, a former fire chief with no experience in education, lost to incumbent Jennifer Anne Richardson in St. Lucie County. In Pasco County, M4L-backed incumbent and culture-warrior Alison Crumbley lost to Jessica Wright, a teacher who fought book bans. So much womp womping!

This is not to say that Florida has become sane, all of the sudden. Try-hard perv Matt Gaetz and his giant forehead won their primary. Dongnard J. Trump is ahead by four points. DeSantis-backed New College for Hitler Studies has been dumping books. But there’s still millions of sane people in the state, and here’s your proof!

[Tampa Bay Times archive link]