Most Organisms Now Agree Evolution May Have Been Step Too Far. Tabs, Wed., July 24, 2024

We were happier in the trees, really.

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Another DUH! Award for the New York Times, for the headline “Donald Trump’s campaign against Kamala Harris may bring out his tendency for personal attacks against female rivals.” Golly, you think? There’s just something about women that leaves him unable to not be an asshole. Someone should find out why women keep making him do that. [NYT]

In the least surprising news of the week, Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle resigned Tuesday following the agency’s failure to prevent the assassination attempt against Donald Trump. [NBC News]

In the second-least surprising news of the week, Sen. Bob Menendez (D-New Jersey) announced he will resign his Senate seat next month, following his conviction on multiple corruption charges last week. He may need the time to clean out his office safe and laugh villainously over the booty the feds never connected to him, for all we know. If it weren’t for those meddling teenagers! [CNN]

OK, y’all, the suspense is over: Joe Manchin (I-Gob Coal) said Tuesday that he will not consider being Kamala Harris’s vice president, so that’s one more loose end wrapped up. We figure Manchin will soon let Taylor Swift know he has no plans to join her on tour, and that he’ll also advise Warner Bros. Discovery he is not available to replace Leo DiCaprio in the titular role of “Captain Planet,” should the moribund live-action adaptation of the ‘90s eco-cartoon show ever escape development hell. [The Hill]

Oh noes, Southern Baptists In Disarray! The head guy in the denomination’s public policy apparatus made Christian patriots mad by praising Joe Biden for his “selfless act” of stepping aside from the campaign, and then his outfit, the “Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission,” announced he’d been fired for his outrageous comments, but then the Morality Police turned around and said no, wait, the guy still has his job, even though he said a nice thing about (shudder) a Democrat. [AP]

President Joe Biden his own self will address the nation tonight at 8 Eastern, to discuss his decision to get out of the presidential race, and Yr Wonkette will of course have the livestream, though prolly not a full livebloog. [Politico]

Former president Jimmy Carter is still very much alive, but a stupid online hoax claimed Tuesday that he had died, and every last rightwing idiot on Twitter reposted it, including Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah), who at least said respectful things about Carter, who had not actually died. You’d think that the fake letter announcing the “death” might have been a tip-off, what with its claim that Carter considered his late wife Rosalyn “the original Brat,” and its inclusion of a bunch of gross sexist comments about prominent political women. Haw haw. [Joe. My. God]

Wildfires in eastern Oregon made the air quality in Boise terrible Tuesday — including reports of “ash raining down from the sky” to the west of town, and between the coughing and sneezing and the 104 degree temperatures, I feel like I’ve been dragged through a knothole backward, as my beloved mother used to say. So I’m going to call this abbreviated Tabs post parked and take a photo of Thornton, who is weathering the nasty air quality by sleeping a lot, which is also how he handles good air quality too. He may honestly not even notice. [Idaho Statesman]

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