New Trump Chief Of Staff Susie Wiles Says No Drama Allowed! That's It, That's The Joke.

LOLOLOL

Susie Wiles, getting thanked

Trump’s chief of staff, Florida woman Susie Wiles, sat down with Axios to let them know there’s not going to be any backbiting in the new administration. LOLOL! “My team and I will not tolerate backbiting, second-guessing inappropriately, or drama. These are counterproductive to the mission.” Hahaha!

Good fucking luck with that gameshow host’s team of D-minus-list self-dealing showboats. Or as they’ve been known to dramatically bite at each other behind one another’s backs to the Daily Mail, “'grifters,' 'hucksters,' 'profiteers' and 'cranks', and ‘hustlers looking to make a buck’.” The Mail also added that they are “corner-cutting, scandal-prone, profit-hungry confederates.” In Baltimore, we’d say “crabs trying to drag each other to the bottom of the barrel.”

Remember a few months ago when Wiles sent out an email demanding no leaks to the press, which was leaked within minutes to the press?

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Trump Campaign ‘Don’t Talk To Press!’ Email Leaked To Press Immediately

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Just last week she sent out another missive, “reiterating that no member of the incoming administration or Transition speaks for the United States or the President-elect himself” and that “all intended nominees should refrain from any public social media posts,” which was also leaked within a day, and nearly universally ignored by the compulsively-tweeting talent pool of top minds that she and the future president have assembled (though SecDef nom Pete Hegseth does seem to have figured out that shutting up is actually his best move for now).

Wiles will be Trump’s fifth chief of staff. Quick, can you name them all?

There was Reince Priebus, who Trump mocked and fired by tweet, maybe because Steve Bannon and the family didn’t like him, or maybe because Anthony Scaramucci accused him of being a leaker and the two were feuding. Who can say? There was John Kelly, who lasted 16 months and also got surprise-fired because he was not Hitler-general-y enough, or as former press secretary Stephanie Grisham put it, “he was totally unequipped to handle the genius of our great President.” Then Mick Mulvaney (acting), who quit, and finally Mark Meadows, the most loyal of all. So loyal he got indicted in Georgia and Arizona!

And now he’s got Wiles, and things will be different from the circular backstabbery of last term. Back then there was still the aura of a delusion that it was some kind of normal administration being run by professional people, with jail time possible for anyone who broke the law. This time everybody knows only loyalty matters, and the Supreme Court has made clear that whatever the executive branch does cannot possibly be illegal. He’s a star, and whatever it is, you gotta let him do it. How this will turn out, nobody fucking knows.

Remember how after the FBI descended on Trump’s Florida roach motel to try to get back those classified documents he stashed in the poolroom and shitter, Wiles cut the checks for loyalists’ legal fees? And then she got on Signal with Walt Nauta and Carlos De Oliveira to “make sure Carlos is good”? You never suspected that the lady who looks like a grandma could sound so much like a capo, and that’s what you get for stereotyping.

Wiles is also a former lobbyist for 42 entities, and was lobbying at the very same time she was running Trump’s campaign, so conflicts of interest sure don’t faze her. According to Public Citizen’s review of public documents, her clients included a waste management company that didn’t want to remove nuclear waste from its radioactive landfill; the tobacco company Swisher Sweets, seeking to block federal health restrictions on its gas-station candy-flavored cigarillos; a Canadian private equity firm trying to get approval to develop an open-pit leach gold mine on federal public lands; a Venezuelan news company whose owner has been indicted in a $1.2 billion money laundering scheme, and the People’s Democratic Party of Nigeria.

Swisher Sweets! She got made the big boss of the north, but Slim Thug and Swishahouse never met a Boss Hogg on candy like this! She also ran campaigns for Rick Scott and Ron DeSantis. Just the kind the boss will need to manage the line at the buffet trough of favors.

Guess we’ll see how all this plays out. Not like we have a choice!

[Axios archive link / Daily Mail / New Yorker / Harvard Magazine / New York Times archive link / Public Citizen]

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