Newsmax Guy: Why Do We Never See Aliens Peeing Standing Up, And Are Women To Blame?

Rob Finnerty has thoughts.

Apr 10, 2026

Things aren’t going especially well for MAGA lately, and while many right-wing grifters are looking to distance themselves from Donald Trump and his terrible Iran War decisions, others are doing their best to change the subject to things they can all agree on — that transgender people are scary and it’s important for people to be mean to them, or that they never get to see a movie in which aliens are pounding brewskis with their alien bros.

In a recent broadcast, Newsmax host Rob Finnerty went on a very confusing rant about how the aliens he sees in movies are skinny, androgynous creatures that fail to conform to earthling gender roles, which he seems to believe are quite literally universal.

Previously, Finnerty complained that American Girl dolls were “wokeified” after he went to their flagship store in New York and was unable to find a doll that resembled his “cute little 6-year-old white girl," which anyone who has ever been in an American Girl store could tell you is nonsense, unless his daughter has two heads or something.

Transcript via Media Matters:

“And whether you believe in them or not, everybody has heard about beings from another planet. And the descriptions are almost always the same. They’re smaller, big eyes, big heads, weak, stringy little arms, pale, no gender. And usually they’re feminine and they always look the same. You never have seen an alien peeing standing up in a movie or like, yucking it up with his alien buddies. That’s never happened.
“And for some reason, the lines between gender are always blurred with aliens, which I think is very odd. And then you think about what’s happening here, back on Earth right now on the left, where masculinity is being erased. And somehow in less than 100 years, we went from this right here, men being men, when that was accepted — these are the men who built the Empire State Building — to this, a man in a very fragile state, also in a building.”

Cut to a video of a trans woman … in a building. Just being a person and asking for some common decency and fair treatment. Would it have been better if she were eating lunch in the sky? With peeing aliens?

As it turns out, his big complaint (seemingly unrelated to the aliens, but who knows), was that, instead of burning the transgender woman as a witch or at least insulting her to her face or walking behind her while chanting “Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame!” the people in the building were just polite and minded their own business (just like those pussy aliens would do?).

“So that is the new normal now in this country. But could you ever imagine seeing something like that at a city council meeting when you were growing up in America? That would never happen. That guy would be laughed out of the building, which is not me being mean. I'm being honest. But today you're suddenly being forced to accept that. People saw that guy when he walked into the building, normal people like you, and they might have rolled their eyes behind his back, but they didn't say anything. They were polite and they waited in line and waited their turn to speak. And this is happening everywhere.”

Oh no, people aren’t being weird assholes to strangers, whatever shall we do?

As we have discussed here on many occasions, panicking that men have become insufficiently masculine is very much a time-honored activity among the stridently ignorant, dating at least to Cicero’s complaints about Marc Antony being a real girlyman back in 43 BCE. Indeed, the chyron on the screen during Finnerty’s rant reads “Those Were The Days: Girls Were Girls And Men Were Men” which is literally from the theme song of a sitcom that premiered in 1971, sung by a character who was supposed to be ignorant … for 1971.

The picture he cites as being indicative of some tragically lost masculinity — Lunch Atop a Skyscraper — was taken in 1932 as part of a publicity stunt during the construction of Rockefeller Plaza (not the Empire State Building). I hate to break it to him, but this was not, actually, a normal way for men in 1932 to eat lunch. It’s not clear what’s so incredibly macho about them, beyond the fact that they are construction workers. We still have construction workers, and 93 percent of them are men. One would imagine that it wouldn’t be too difficult to find a number of them who look like macho, macho men.

Of course, one could always look to the president’s favorite band.

Perhaps those guys are manly enough for Rob Finnerty. I mean, I don’t think they spent a lot of time with women at all.

I’m just going to point out that there was, actually, a fair amount of “Oh no, the men are becoming emasculated!” panic in the 1930s, owing to the Great Depression and the inability of many men to provide for their families.

Indeed, much of the New Deal was targeted at reinforcing the idea of the male breadwinner and towards supporting men in traditionally “masculine” careers. If you look at the murals commissioned by the Works Progress Administration (many of which are currently located in a federal building that has been targeted by the Trump administration for “accelerated disposal”), they primarily depict hardbodied, masculine men doing traditionally masculine work.

This propaganda itself was also likely meant to indirectly challenge complaints that the New Deal would feminize society by creating a “nanny state.”

But back to the aliens! Now, this is a fair point. I can’t think, off the top of my head, of a time when I have seen an alien peeing standing up in a movie. Though to be fair, I haven’t seen one peeing sitting down, either. Outside of the Slitheen in Doctor Who, who were rather flatulent, I could not tell you how any aliens eliminate waste at all. I do, however, like that Finnerty is more concerned with the fact that he has not seen them peeing while standing up than the fact that — if we are talking about your standard Greys — they do not appear to have penises at all, which is what, I imagine, necessitates the position.

Not to get too deep, but I think the real fear here is that when we do see the Greys in fiction, as well as some other varieties of aliens, they are depicted as being more advanced, more evolved than we are, despite all the anal probing. Technological, social, intellectual, and even economic advancements are very frequently the cause of “the men are becoming feminized!” panics and fears of men becoming “soft.” When we talk about someone being “evolved,” we don’t usually talk about them behaving like Genghis Khan or Donald Trump. The aliens have big heads (brains) and less physical body strength, because they don’t need it to operate their laser guns or whatever.

This is perhaps why the Right has embraced AI so eagerly — because it has been presented as a technology that will replace intellectual labor and spur an increase in physical labor.

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That being said, if aliens do exist, we have no reason to believe they are anything like us. We don’t know how they pee, we don’t know how many genders they have, if any, or whether we would be able to know how to tell the difference between them by looking at them. We don’t know how many penises they have, if any. Perhaps that is a scary thought for someone who doesn’t realize that gender roles are social constructions.

On a comforting note, it’s nice to know that the likelihood of another Rob Finnerty having evolved on another planet somewhere is next to nil, so at least the rest of the universe is spared from this stupidity.

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