NOPE. Tabs, Thurs., Feb. 1, 2024

Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. (NBC News / Daily Mail)

Read Adam Serwer on Texas, immigrants, and the Supreme Court. Oh, did you already read it? Then read it again. — The Atlantic

Heather Cox Richardson on the impeachment of Alejandro Mayorkas o.O (Heather Cox Richardson)

Trump judge KO’s Disney lawsuit against Ron DeSantis for some dumb bullshit excuse. I’m sure they’ll just let it go. — Ruling

Why does Joe Biden continue to insist on not breaking the law when James Comer really really wants him to? Unity my ass! (MSNBC)

From last week, but a very nice time I didn’t want us to miss: Museums are closing up their Native American exhibits after old Joe told them to stop covering Indigenous people as things and give the tribes their stuff back. (Yahoo)

House Speaker (?) Mike Johnson (??) is … damn. — Daily Beast

Wayne LaPierre, fresh off retiring from his hard job of stealing all the donor $$$ from the NRA, testifies he wasn’t in it for the money. Guess he was just in it for the waves of murdered children. (CNN) CNN didn’t really have room to elucidate alllll the grifting though, so let this old Wonkette give you a flavor. (Wonkette)

I guess the DOJ can investigate Rep. Cori Bush for continuing to pay her security man out of campaign funds (as is permissible!) after marrying him, if they wanna. As somebody who married her IT guy because he was the best guy for the job (of marrying me), seems like pretty fuckin small beans to me. I’d probably say that if she were a Republican too! — NBC News

Here’s a hard one, I’m sorry. Apparently there’s a George Floyd documentary all the nation’s most evil liars are applauding that somehow proves that bitch Derek Chauvin did nothing wrong. Radley Balko reads an essay by a supposed honest intellectual over at Bari Weiss’s joint and is actually dumbfounded by the lies, which he would like to explain to you, one by one, here. (Balko)

Hmmm interesting. Trump’s bullshit tax cut, the only thing he passed in four years of Infrastructure Weeks, is set to “sunset” in 2025 — but I had understood that only the tax breaks for people were to sunset, not the tax breaks for corporations. I may or may not be wrong about that, who’s going to look it up, me? But according to this from Dame, the whole thing’s on it way out, with Joe Biden aiming to hold on to the tax cuts for people earning under $400,000 a year, and see ya wouldn’t wanna be ya for the corporations and richies. Guess we’d soon be treated to SO MANY listicles looking at how people manage to eke by on only $45,000 a month! (Dame)

Is there anything Oklahoma won’t do to make teachers cry? — AP

If you ignore the Obamacare-baiting headline, this is a really good explainer of how it unintentionally allowed “vertical integration” (the insurers buying up all the doctors and pharmacies) to jack up your medical bills. Since Obamacare mandated insurers have to spend 85 percent of premiums on your care, presto, they buy the doctors (at least the ones the hedge funds didn’t get to first), jack up the doctors’ prices, and get to spend 15 percent of a much higher amount on themselves and their shareholders while also paying themselves from the other 85 percent through doctors and drugs! — Lever News

I have never heard of this man who can’t stop stealing trains and buses and things that go — because he loves driving people safely on the trains and buses to their destinations — and I love him so much I MIGHT DIE. (Don’t worry, I will NEVER DIE.) (Very old Guardian)

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I just want to throw Wonkette some money!