North Korean News Ladies Praise Dear Leader Trump For Perfect And Wise Choice And Unchoice Of Matt Gaetz
Praise Him from whom all blessings flow.
Well, we guess it simply wasn’t an option for Fox News to admit that Donald Trump is already a lame-duck president, a fucking loser who makes decisions impulsively, who has already lost complete control of the teeny-tiny non-mandate he squeaked out of the American people. And they certainly couldn’t admit that Trump had just goatboned everything to death with the first major decision of his failed second presidency, by choosing Matt Gaetz and all his longer-than-four-hours erections as his attorney general.
So they had to make some shit up.
Kayleigh McEnany, who used to lie professionally for Trump, and still does, agreed that Dear Leader is a genius, and said:
HARRIS FAULKNER: [Florida Gov. Ron] DeSantis has to appoint, if Michael Waltz, the congressman, moves on in his nominated post, if Marco Rubio, senator, moves on in his nominated post, he’s got some positions to work with there in that state. Could it be Matthew Gaetz who then becomes a US senator for an interim in the state of Florida?
MCENANY: That's an interesting thought. I mean, Cassie, there is also the notion that Trump could appoint him to a big and powerful position that does not require Senate approval. He clearly thinks fondly of Matt Gaetz. Matt Gaetz is someone who wants to drain the swamp, who wants to shake things up in a big way. Trump could put them in a big position, just one shy of needing Senate confirmation.
Maybe Matt Gaetz was supposed to be in big and powerful position all along, and reminding America that he’s a creep who slept with an underage girl and laundered money for sex through his “adopted” “son” Nestor’s PayPal was just part of Trump’s brilliant plan!
That’s pretty pathetic, but Tomi Lahren can beat it.
Tomi Lahren agreed that Dear Leader is a genius and added that his cheeks are as lovely as a garden that is full of herbs and spices, and explained:
TOMI LAHREN: Well, I'll tell you this Martha, I think this whole thing was very strategic and in my estimation it has the art of the deal written all over it.
Oh yeah you fuckin’ betcha.
LAHREN: Obviously, Matt Gaetz was a very controversial pick, some would say maybe the most controversial pick that Trump could have selected. So now whoever he picks as his second choice, they'll probably receive a little bit less scrutiny, they won't have as much heat on them. So I think both the nomination the withdrawal of Matt Gaetz was very strategic for the Trump team. It also took some of the heat off of the other picks that were also controversial but perhaps less so than Matt Gaetz. So I think it kind of gave cover for some of the other controversial picks and whoever he picks as his second choice, I think that they're going to have a much easier time because they will not be as controversial as Matt Gaetz. It would be hard to find somebody more controversial for that pick, so I think it's been very strategic.
Eleventy-dimensional chess, 100 percent, definitely not something that happened when a turd came out sideways during Trump’s morning toilet, sure.
Martha MacCallum had a question for Lahren:
MARTHA MACCALLUM: Yeah. Do you think Matt Gaetz was in on that? Do you think Matt Gaetz was complicit in that plan that you lay out, Tomi?
Was Matt Gaetz in on the evil genius wizard plan to make Robert F. Kennedy Jr. look like less of an anti-vax crank who’s covered in the semen of this whale he just found?
LAHREN: Listen, this is all just my theory and my speculation, but I wouldn't put it past him. I think that this is a very strategic team. You watch the media and Democrats melt down over this for an entire week. I think, as Senator Fetterman said, this was an epic troll. Maybe all part of the plan, the art of the deal.
Whatever stories we need to tell ourselves, to stave off the fear that the next four years are going to be an absolute joke.
That’s pretty pathetic, but Jesse Watters can beat it, and oh boy, do we mean he’s beating it, if you know what we mean. He agreed that Dear Leader is a genius, and added that his thighs are columns of alabaster set in sockets of gold, and that he is majestic, like the Lebanon Mountains with their towering cedars. He provided his theory for what the ultra-super-secret plan for Gaetz might be:
JESSE WATTERS: They could even name him special prosecutor to go after the weaponization. That would be a turn of events.
BRETT TOLMAN (GUEST): A new and fearsome special prosecutor that has actual authority to do something. That would be great.
WATTERS: That would be great.
OK, boys, let’s put down that bottle of lube before somebody pokes their eye out.
Do they realize special prosecutors are supposed to be smart prosecutors who have actually, you know, practiced some law here and there?
Do they know special prosecutors have to go to work every day?
Gaetz himself hinted yesterday afternoon on Twitter that he was ready to keep fighting to Make America Hitler Again for Trump, “just maybe from a different post.”
There’s also speculation that he might be stupid enough to try to just get sworn in to the 119th Congress when it convenes, as if that wouldn’t bring that Ethics investigation just fucking roaring back. (And that’s assuming the report doesn’t come out before then.)
Whatever happens, we are certain Dear Leader is handling it perfectly with his bulging biceps and his entirely normal-looking penis.
Yep.
BY THE WAY: Now that you’re done reading this, at my Friday place this week, I’m still yelling about Pete Hegseth. This week, an examination of how Hegseth and all those freaking MAGA losers totally want to be Braveheart, and it is pathetic. Come by, read, subscribe!
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Gaetz resigned because he found out he'd be working with JD Vance, not at a JV dance.
"Obviously, Matt Gaetz was a very controversial pick, some would say maybe the most controversial pick that Trump could have selected. So now whoever he picks as his second choice, they'll probably receive a little bit less scrutiny, they won't have as much heat on them."
Do any of these dimwits realise they are saying "Trump's real choice is clearly going to be so corrupt only accusations of statutory rape and sex trafficking are bad enough to make him look good by comparison"?