North Korean News Lady Jesse Watters. That’s It, That’s The Headline.
Relinquish your crown, Lou Dobbs.
We’ve been making fun of Fox News’s Jesse Watters ever since his lord and savior and true father Donald Trump, the best-quality man Jesse could ever aspire to be, was arrested and arraigned for the one millionth time.
Jesse is taking it hard, and he really comes off as one of the ones who actually believes the things he’s saying in his heart. He doesn’t appear to be like a lot of the Fox News anchors who are almost certainly just parroting Trump’s bullshit for ratings, just like they spread Trump’s lies about a stolen election and Dominion Voting Systems even though they knew they were lies.
We could be wrong. Maybe Jesse is just as cynical as the others. But he reads as a guy who’s really that sad and pathetic, who actually is so debased that he admires Trump inside his soul.
It’s like if Eric had a big brother who was not quite nine months younger than Don Jr. He seems as pathetic as a son of Trump, that is what we are saying about Jesse Watters. Like these are guys who will truly cry together if Father goes off to prison and starts forgetting their birthdays from behind bars.
Anyway, Jesse had him a monologue the other day, and you think we used to call Lou Dobbs the North Korean News Lady? Get a load of Jesse (click over to Media Matters for the clip:
JESSE WATTERS: Basically, Trump's popular because he actually cares. He cares about the whole country, not just the professional class that used to run it, or burned it into the ground.
This is so sad. The obvious joke about Trump has always been that if they weren’t useful to his power, Trump wouldn’t want to breathe the same air as the rubes who vote for him. He hates those people. The entire story of Trump’s pathetic life is his desperate try-hard need to be loved by the New York society that’s never accepted him, and his seething resentment toward them.
Trump doesn’t love his fans, and he certainly doesn’t care about them. They’re not the fans he wants. The only thing Trump has in common with his fans is a seething mediocre white conservative resentment of a culture that wouldn’t even remember to hate them if they ever shut up for five minutes, because they have so little to contribute to it.
Relatedly, it’s been the most obvious of Trump’s scams from the very beginning that he cares about anything besides himself, his bank account, and staying out of prison. Any person who actually believes Trump cares about them is the dumbest fucking fool alive.
Again, Jesse could be pretending here, for the sake of the farting MAGA cows who watch him. But he may not be.
WATTERS: This is why Trump’s such a threat; he threatens not just their power, he threatens to invalidate their status, and exalted role in America. Now, sometimes this clash of classes is ugly. We get it. But it’s necessary for the United States to move forward together in the 21st century, so when Trump’s attacked, the country is attacked.
You betcha. When Trump is attacked, the country is attacked. Yep.
Because Trump is America. At least for extraneous, unimportant loser conservative white supremacist dudes whose opinion American society is making exceptionally clear nobody wants to hear anymore.
The rest of the clip is Jesse desperately trying to argue that Trump is “better than” the “professional class” because he went to an Ivy League school (SAD) and because he “owns golf courses” and “iconic real estate.” It’s even more pathetic because Jesse argues that Trump actually was “accepted” by the people whose approval he craves.
He says those people “accepted” Trump up until he started “listening to you,” by which he meant the rotting carcasses at home watching Fox News. He said Trump had “humiliated the press.”
“Imagine that, a billionaire who listens to the forgotten man.” (Jesse was theoretically commenting on that David Brooks column, by the way.)
Again, maybe Jesse knows he’s lying.
Maybe he doesn’t.
That’s sadder.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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This is OT, but I think we're beyond that at this point: I was in one of those rickety freestanding worksite office trailers today when it was struck by lightning. It was exactly as terrifying as you're thinking, particularly if your thought included a crack opening in the ceiling and pouring rainwater down on my head. I need a drink and maybe some clean undies.
One of the best things I've read on this mommy blog was several years ago when Trump said he was doing something (I don't remember what) and Evan wrote something like "Anyone who believes that raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it for being a fucking idiot."