Poor Dumb Eric Doesn't Understand What's Happening To Daddy, Needs Policeman Or Grownup
Bless his heart.
We think maybe somebody ought to buy little Eric Trump some sort of book with big pictures and easy-to-read words, a la “What To Expect When Daddy Is Arrested.” Maybe something with some kind of furry woodland creature talking animal in it, to guide him through the process.
He just seems scared and sad and doesn’t understand how any of this works. Remember back in the spring when Eric was going on Fox News all the time, telling horror stories about how he was trying to go to the CVS to buy Tylenol, but he couldn’t, because they locked up all the Tylenol, and nobody would help him, and he was upset, and he just needed some Tylenol?
Bless. This is worse.
Eric went on the Fox News Jesse Watters show last night — truly a blind leading the blind situation — and oh boy, he just got real mad and started saying his dad is gonna show us who’s boss, and oh boy, it was hard to watch:
ERIC: MY FATHER CANNOT WAIT TO TAKE DISCOVERY ON THESE PEOPLE!
[Jesse laughs because stupid]
THERE ARE A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT JANUARY 6, TRUST ME! HOW ABOUT ALL THE VIDEOTAPES, HOW ABOUT ALL THE FBI AGENTS THAT WERE IN THERE? THERE’S A LOT OF QUESTIONS! WHY DIDN’T THEY CALL UP THE 10,000 NATIONAL GUARD RESERVE TROOPS THAT MY FATHER APPROVED? YOU KNOW, WHY DIDN’T THEY DO THAT! [shrieking]
JESSE BECAUSE STUPID: They might regret fast-tracking this trial before the election!
Oh sweet Jesus, where do we even start, besides “Daddy never approved 10,000 National Guard troops.” Why does poor Eric believe conspiracy theories about his own father?
And how does this dipshit think “discovery” works? Does he think Daddy and his lawyers are just gonna be able to take their pants off and run around the courtroom screaming “RAY EPPPPPPPPPPSSSSSWSSSSS!1!11!!!!!1!?”
And, dear stupid Eric, which FBI agents are we talking about?
Did FBI agents trick Daddy into mounting a coup to seize power? Did FBI agents trick Daddy into pressuring Mike Pence to steal the election? Did FBI agents trick Daddy into conspiring to erase millions of votes? Because those are the things Daddy is indicted for.
Daddy is not indicted for “January 6.” Per the indictment, it is three counts of conspiracy and one of obstruction for the purpose of “overturn[ing] the legitimate results of the 2020 presidential election by using knowingly false claims of election fraud to obstruct the federal government function by which those results are collected, counted and certified.”
It may prove to be a stroke of Jack Smith’s genius that there isn’t a specific charge against Trump for inciting the terrorist attack of January 6, since that’s where alllllllll these fucking dumbass conspiracy theories are centered. His trial against Trump will be about Trump’s criminal conspiracies to steal the presidency. The remnants of Tucker’s wet farts about January 6 that still linger in the Fox News studios will not be relevant to “discovery.”
In re: Jesse Watters’s over-confident assertion that “they might regret fast-tracking this trial before the election,” why, Jesse?
Because Trump is threatening to go back and relitigate imaginary fraud in the 2020 election, just so he can be exposed as a clown again? That’s just a legal strategy, which is why his idiot lawyer is out there on TV saying it. They desperately need to argue that poor Trump was too helpless and stupid and led astray by bad influence lawyers to bear any culpability for this.
And they have to pretend Eric’s father is intellectually incapable of understanding he lost. Well guess what? Trump can be a pathetic, desperate man who clings to fantasies to hide from his constant failures. He can also be 100 percent intellectually aware he’s full of shit. Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn’t a free ticket for crimes.
Bill Barr said on TV last night that Trump absolutely knew he had lost the election. And as Andrew Lawrence from Media Matters joked on Twitter, Jack Smith can prove that the same way they proved Fox News didn’t believe any of its own lies about a stolen election.
It’s of course unsurprising that Jesse Watters — the archetype of the most mediocre white boy in the fraternity, a guy who’s only there because he’s a legacy and his dad was a legend in the fraternity back in the day — has been desperately barking up this “discovery” and revenge tree. Just you wait! Trump is going to do discovery and then you will all be sorry when it’s revenge time! Jesse isn’t crying, you will cry!
Have you ever seen anything sadder than this Jesse rant from the other day? (Besides weeping Eric?)
“I don't think the Biden administration realizes what it's done here. It's going to give Donald Trump the opportunity to relitigate the 2020 election in federal court. This is what Donald Trump's been dying to do for the last two and half years. He's going to have subpoena power. He's going to cross-examine witnesses. He's going to put his own witnesses. He's going to go out and prove or try to prove there was election fraud in Philly, Vegas, Arizona, Detroit. And the federal government is going to have to prove that it was clean in those deep blue counties. That's going to be a fun one to follow.”
LMAO WTF does he think is going to happen in court that didn’t happen the first 60 fucking times Trump lost in court?
But Jesse says when Trump’s president again, you’ll be sorry! “Payback is gonna be a you know what, and you guys started it!”
OK, dudes.
Trump gets arrested and arraigned later today.
Somebody should probably put on the Wiggles or something to distract Eric.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
So let me get this straight.
If Biden says the wrong word here or forgets someone’s name there then he’s too senile to be President?
But Trump having such a tenuous grasp of reality that he doesn’t know he lost the 2020 election which resulted in multiple crimes being committed, a violent coup attempted, hundreds of police officers being beaten, and 5 people actually dying…well then he’s still eligible for the presidency? No biggie?
Do I have that right?
I hear that Trump has a new reality show in the works, to be called "The Accomplice".
In it six mediocre lawyers will compete to be the last one thrown to a pack of rabid wolves.