Putin And Trump Celebrate Election With A Good Old-Fashioned Phone-Bone
Dad-dimir is so proud of Trump!
Aren’t we all loving this news about how Elon Musk has been basically with Donald Trump ever since he won re-election, how they’ve been having slumber parties and doing each other’s nails and practicing French-kissing dictators for when the real thing happens?
We even got word that when Trump talked to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy on the phone last week, Elon jumped on. We guess he just wanted to say hi.
Now the Washington Post reports that Trump got to do some real over-the-phone tongue-kissing with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. Was Elon there? Don’t know, but it doesn’t matter, because all these boys talk to each other like all the time anyway.
The call happened on Thursday, and what they said doesn’t even sound that terrifying. It’s not like the reporting says Trump thanked Putin and Elon for finding him 11,780 votes and downloading them to Starlink, or whatever his margins were in the swing states this time. It says they talked about Ukraine. And even that part doesn’t sound that bad.
Luckily, we know Donald Trump is a traitor and a pathological liar, so we know not to trust anything he says, about anything, ever.
Among other things, Trump reportedly told Putin not to escalate the war against Ukraine. He also “briefly raised the issue of land,” per the reporting, which suggests he was talking about one of his famous “peace deals” for Ukraine, all of which involve bending over and letting Putin steal more of Ukraine than he’s entitled to, by which we mean one square inch of it or more.
Trump is a wannabe dictator, so he isn’t doing these world leader phone calls the way professional American presidents do it, with coordination from the State Department or with interpreters who work for the government. Trump’s transition also hasn’t signed papers with the General Services Administration to actually, you know, officially start the transition, so he doesn’t have access to that stuff yet anyway. We imagine he can hear Putin’s loud Russian trash-gasms over the phone just fine.
They’re just calling him on his cell phone. You know, the same phone their intelligence agencies are probably already furiously bugging:
“They are just calling [Trump] directly,” one of the people familiar with the calls said.
Cool, totally fine.
The Washington Post says the Kremlin initially “responded coolly” to its puppet winning the election, “with Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov telling reporters that Putin had no plans to call the incoming president of ‘an unfriendly country that is directly and indirectly involved in a war against our state.’” Sure, Dmitry, whatever you need to say with your right hand while your left is doing God-only-knows-what.
But then Putin issued his official congratulations and said all kinds of weird shit about how brave and manly Trump was when that assassination attempt happened. See, Dmitry? You don’t have to hide your love!
But he is, alas, he is. Peskov is pretending Trump and Putin didn’t even have that happy nicetimes tongue-fucking phone call last week. He says it’s “completely untrue.” Pfffft.
All of this is happening, as the Post reports, as Ukraine has just launched its biggest drone attacks on Moscow and other targets since the war started, and Russia has started using North Korean troops as cannon fodder in the Kursk and Belgorod regions of Russia, reportedly preparing an offensive to take back land Ukraine has seized. (Because they are outside North Korea for the first time and getting to play on the internet, one report says they are “gorging on pornography” and just incessantly masturbating. The US Defense Department refused to confirm or deny that these regions of Russia are now unsafe to walk on, because of all the North Korean cum.)
In a recent Radio Atlantic conversation with Hanna Rosin and McKay Coppins, historian and authoritarianism expert Anne Applebaum discussed what she’s been hearing from inside Trumpworld on what he really wants to do to Ukraine. It is, to say the least, all over the place, depending on who you talk to:
I know a lot of people who spent a lot of time in the run-up to the election trying to find out what Trump meant when he said, I’ll end the war in one day, which has been his standard response when asked about it. And you can literally find almost as many interpretations of that expression as there are people in Trump’s orbit.
I mean, it ranges from, We’re just going to cut off all the funding, to, We’re going to give Ukraine to the Russians, to something quite different. There are people who said: No. We’re going to threaten the Russians. We’re going to tell them we’re bringing in a thousand tanks and a thousand airplanes unless you pull back. And so that’s another version that I’ve heard. There are versions that suggest offering something to Russia — you know, some deal. But honestly, I don’t know.
We are skeptical that Trump would actually ever stand up to Putin without dribbling piss down his leg and grinning, but we are open to being surprised. (No we aren’t.)
Meanwhile, Daily Beast reporter Julia Davis flags this report from Russia’s Tass news agency, quoting a Putin aide who has quite a different opinion on how Trump will act vis a vis Russia and its genocidal war on Ukraine.
MOSCOW, November 11. /TASS/. In his future policies, including those on the Russian track US President-elect Donald Trump will rely on the commitments to the forces that brought him to power, rather than on election pledges, Russian presidential aide Nikolay Patrushev told the daily Kommersant in an interview.
“The election campaign is over,” Patrushev noted. “To achieve success in the election, Donald Trump relied on certain forces to which he has corresponding obligations. As a responsible person, he will be obliged to fulfill them.”
Certain forces, huh? Corresponding obligations, huh?
Sure would like to know more about that.
Sounds like we’re going to learn a lot of things about a lot of things before this upcoming hellscape passes out of view.
[Washington Post / Atlantic / Tass]
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Okay, I have a confession to make. Back when I was young and unmarried I tried phone sex once.
I had checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely, so I thought, "I'll call one of those sex workers I've seen advertised in phone booths."
I found an ad for a woman calling herself Erotica, a lovely woman looking very sexy in the photo. I thought "What the heck, I'll give her a call." So I returned to my hotel room and called her number.
"Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
*
I'm going out shortly, so don't try to contact me.
Peter
@notalawyer.bsky.social
the important question isn’t “did Harris lose because the left is too woke?” it’s “why isn’t Donald Trump in federal prison?” We’re being subjected to lectures about politics by the people who held all of the power and let this dipshit slip through their grasp.
https://bsky.app/profile/notalawyer.bsky.social/post/3lap2uiuwwx2j