If you know one thing about Jesse Watters, it is that he is that white creep douchesnort ugliest-dude-in-the-fraternity conservative who took Tucker Carlson’s spot on Fox News. If you know two things about Jesse Watters, the second one is that when he started dating his now-wife, who is much younger than he is, he was still married to his then-wife. His now wife worked for him! At Fox News! His hot move to entrap seduce her, which he freely admitted on air, was letting the air out of her tires, so that he could swoop in and lure him into his car.
We wrote recently that Jesse Watters is what windowless vans dress up as on Hallowe’en.
If you know three things about Jesse Watters, the third is that his mother is a liberal, AKA not a MAGA Trump Nazi. She’s called in to the show before, they’ve used the fact of it for bits. She’ll give him tips for how not to be such a deplorable piece of garbage, it’s cute. It’s not been super-clear whether it was all performance art, whether she really loved what he’s turned into, or if she was ashamed, like we would be if that was our child.
And now he says that, after last week’s election, she has disinvited him from Thanksgiving. We hope that isn’t a bit, and we hope it isn’t performance art, because one of the few things giving us true joy right now is hearing MAGA Nazis cry because they’ve lost the love, support, and acceptance of their families after voting for Donald Trump. They sure do hate the “find out” part of “fuck around, find out.” (The other thing bringing us joy is watching these people find out they might not be able to afford their next truck because of Trump’s tariffs, which they didn’t bother to look up before voting for him.)
Here’s the video:
WATTERS: People are taking some space in the Watters household. I’ll have you know that I was not invited to my mother’s house for Thanksgiving. Apparently, there wasn’t enough room. She said it was a scheduling situation and then, at the last second, invited me to come over on Black Friday. I told her no thanks, I’ll be at Best Buy.
Oh, we hope it’s true. And we think it is, because he looks upset, like a white conservative man who’s never been told no, but now he’s hearing it.
The thing about a “scheduling issue,” that implies to us that there are other people in the Watters family who perhaps don’t want to be around that rancid piece of shit during the holidays, whose time putting up with his garbage could well be over.
He would deserve it.
“I told her no thanks, I’ll be at Best Buy.” Sounds worse than having no plans, dude.
Anyway, did you get invited to Jesse Watters’s mom’s house for Thanksgiving? If so, don’t gloat about it, because he doesn’t deserve to know what he’s missing.
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I made it home! A couple pics from the party. https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-76919913?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc
I just left the Substack partyy and I'm drunk. They jept refilling my wine glass. Appetizers were so fucking good, I stuffed myselk. Ok heading home.