Rep. Tim Burchett: Chinese Teaming Up With Rapacious Sex Demons To Turn Your Kids Trans!
Yes, it's another edition of Wingnut Headline Mad-Libs.
Imagine what it must be like inside the head of Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN). Is it a series of dark streets and alleys in Washington DC populated by dusky-hued thieves, murderers, rapists, and day laborers, all of them ready to jump out of the darkness to demand he give them his money, his white granddaughters, or a couple days’ work tiling his kitchen? Does it resemble the depths of the world’s oceans, populated by whales and megalodons and high-speed alien watercraft with unknown but probably nefarious intentions zooming around like stock car racers?
Or perhaps the inside of Burchett’s head resembles some sort of German Expressionist film, all weirdly angled staircases and chiaroscuro lighting and men in dresses looming out of the shadows to hoot “WE DEMAND RESPECT AND ALSO TAXPAYER-SUBSIDIZED HORMONE TREATMENTS” at him.
We suppose it depends on the week. This week, it appears to be the German Expressionist thing, if Burchett’s interview with Benny Johnson is to be believed.
Burchett sat down with Johnson to discuss the most important issue of the day, which is Netflix having on its service a kids’ cartoon featuring a transgender teenager that last produced a new episode in 2023. Recently, Elon Musk became aware of the show’s existence and started tweeting (and tweeting and tweeting) angrily about its existence, demanding everyone cancel their Netflix subscriptions until the company removes the cartoon. So now every MAGA culture warrior chud has to weigh in on this latest sign of America’s cultural rot and moral decay.
First, about the show, which is titled Dead End: Paranormal Park. It centers on a transgender teen named Barney, his friend Norma, and his talking pug Pugsley. Barney and Norma apply for a job at a theme park that turns out to be haunted by demons and monsters. The trio then teams up to prevent a “supernatural apocalypse.”
It all looks quite charming to us, with its apparent lessons for kids about feeling like an outcast and finding the place where you belong. You know, the same message pushed by literally thousands of TV shows and books and movies aimed at kids. But then, we understand we are childless degenerate leftist perverts:
Johnson is disgusted, because parents use Netflix as a babysitter while they do their taxes or other adult activities and can’t monitor all the sex propaganda their kids might stumble across amongst the literally hundreds of cartoons on the streamer. There are laws against showing pornography to children, Johnson snarls, and there should be laws against putting “sexually explicit content into children’s programming.” To which the only possible response is fine, let us know when you actually find some of that content, because this supernatural Scooby-Doo knockoff about a transgender kid and his talking dog fighting demons just ain’t it.
Having given us a glimpse of what life must be like for his parentally neglected children, Johnson lets the congressman weigh in. And gong dong and tarnation if Tim Burchett isn’t all horrified six ways from Sunday church about this abomination before the Lord.
So Burchett babbles on for a bit about a boy trying to transition to being a girl and his mother was a tomboy who “flew an airplane in the second world war, dadgumit.” Then there is something about boycotting Super Bowl advertisers because the halftime performer is going to be a devil worshipper who curses Donald Trump. (Bad Bunny is also hosting Saturday Night Live this week, so presumably Burchett is gittin’ hisself all geared up to boycott those advertisers as well, yer dang tootin’.)
Then Johnson yammers for a bit more about dragging Netflix executives before Congress to explain themselves. Burchett responds by letting us know that gay people are getting mad at being associated with transgender people because “they got their win. You know, they got their marriage thing ... and nobody cares.” (Tell that to Clarence Thomas and Sam Alito.)
Finally, we come to the good stuff: a rambling anecdote about a constituent mad at Burchett for wanting to ban healthcare for his transgender kid. Burchett claims the kid “self-diagnosed on the computer,” so this is all the fault of the Chinese. And the devil. Or something:
“I said the Chinese and the devil are working hand in hand. I’m not sure which is which. But that is exactly what is going on. The demonic thing is a power of suggestion ... We can’t allow it. It is indoctrination and it needs to stop.”
So to sum up as best we can: Netflix has a cartoon with a transgender teen. This is the work of Satan and the Chinese. We need to boycott advertisers that are okay with this stuff, and Tim Burchett doesn’t give a golly jeezum whit if you go to church with the advertisers or they’re your friends or whatever. We also need to drag Netflix executives in front of Congress to demand they stop putting porn where kids can find it. And yes, by porn he means a kids’ cartoon that acknowledges the existence of trans people, consaggit.
Also, Burchett’s dad was a college dean and Burchett saw a transgender person once and that transgender person looked weird to him. The end.
Elon Musk apparently gave his seal of approval to Burchett’s plan to haul Netflix execs in front of Congress to ask them about a cartoon they cancelled two years ago. He’s also mad about characters in CoComelon and Strawberry Shortcake, because why not. Maybe next he could go after all those Looney Tunes episodes where either Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck wears a dress.
The wingnuts have also been bragging that Musk’s campaign has caused Netflix stock to sharply drop. In reality, the stock has fallen a little less than 4 percent this week but is still up 27 percent from where it was in May. So, you know, better luck next boycott.
The whole mess is here and Burchett starts accusing the Chinese of being in league with Satan around 1:33:45, if you feel like torturing yourselves.
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I could add the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari to a Movie Night!
They went after Kimmel and lost, so now they are going after a cartoon that was cancelled by Netflix 2 years ago. Not desperate and pathetic at all.
I hope the renewed interest they are generating triggers another season.