Republicans Spend Day Having Angry Ivermectin Orgasms At Dr. Fauci
To be fair, some of them were hydroxychloroquine orgasms.
Dr. Anthony Fauci didn’t not want to answer the Senate’s questions yesterday. It’s just that he and his lawyer know Rand Paul is a sniveling clownpiss little anal carbuncle, the type of guy whose neighbors try to run over them with lawnmowers, and they knew Paul was trying to use yesterday’s hearing find a way to gin up a fake perjury referral to send to Donald Trump’s team of ass-suckers at the Justice Department. Fauci explained in a short opening statement that Paul’s “obvious obsession with calling for my prosecution” was what brought us all together yesterday.
“The sole reason he is calling me before this committee is to get me to say something that could vindicate his repeated public pledges that I end up, in his words, ‘behind bars.’”
Therefore, “Under the advice of my attorneys, I will invoke my right under the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution to refrain from answering your questions.” He said it over 100 times.
It’s not like they can find anything else to charge Fauci with, unless US Attorney Boxwine gets drunk and asks Grok to make a movie of Fauci licking the Reflecting Pool.
So Fauci pleaded the Fifth, and he exercised that right with every single question those thatches full of ingrown grundles asked him.
What was left was just Republican Dickhole Theater, footage for MAGA voters who say “You sound vaccinated” in comments sections.
The Theat-uh!
There was Rand Paul, of course, who raged from the beginning that his little genius plan wasn’t working. At the beginning of the hearing, Dr. Fauci’s attorney David Schertler was trying to speak, and it made Rand so mad he had his body physically kicked out of the room. Here is that temper tantrum:
It should be noted that before the hearing, Rand put out 1,100 pages of Dr. Fauci’s diary. We guess Hunter Biden’s laptop shop keeps that in stock too. Just kidding, RFK Jr. had it lying around, because if there’s anything RFK Jr. likes more than whale semen, it’s libelslandering Dr. Fauci.
Anyway, Rand was so mad that now he’s going to call a vote to hold Fauci in contempt of Congress, for invoking his constitutional rights, for refusing to tell him and moron Republicans what they want to hear about how Fauci secretly created COVID in a lab and then gave it to everyone for fun and profit.
We don’t have a clip of Fauci doing this yesterday because he pleaded the Fifth, so here is a video of Fauci from five years ago calling Rand Paul, Mall Optometrist, a fucking dumbass. (We know he’s a self-certified ophthalmologist and those are different things, it’s a joke, fuckheads.)
Now back to yesterday’s theat-uh!
There was Ohio Republican Senator Bernie Moreno, doing somehow the inverse of “Have you no decency, sir!” when he shrieked like a little bitch about “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU WERE” for doing whatever cowardly lunatic white Republicans think Dr. Fauci did.
Big man. Big maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
There was former stupidest man in the Senate Ron Johnson, who spent his time with the good doctor explaining that Republicans’ two favorite drugs, hydroxybonercialisencephalitis and horse paste, do too cure COVID, and also all other diseases, and demanding to know if Fauci was involved in the FDA “attack” on horse paste. He also told very sad stories about how people who are “injection injured” are committing mass suicide like Jonestowners because nobody will listen to them about their injection injuries. He called the COVID vaccine an “experimental gene therapy.”
Ron Johnson lives here with us, in the world.
Neat guy.
There was “Democratic” Senator John Fetterman, who could have used his opportunity talking to the doctor to say “Hey, would you check my brain with your doctor skilz?” but didn’t. Instead he explained that he now believes the Republican conspiracy theory that COVID leaked out a lab. It was not a worthwhile two minutes of our life so we will not include the video here.
There was Laura Ingraham, not a Republican senator but a spectator, who dramatically rolled her eyes throughout the hearing like she was trying to audition for the new washed-up elderly person Broadway cast of Heathers, as if anybody can take her seriously without remembering that she used to engage in sexual congress with Dinesh D’Souza’s d’penis, d’intentionally.
The Daily Show put together the montage that you need to see:
After the hearing, Republican Senator Josh Hawley yapped with his little rat lips on Twitter that no innocent person pleads the Fifth, as if liar, felon, and adjudicated rapist Trump hasn’t done it a thousand times. People quickly reminded him of that.
And of course, Republicans used yesterday to do what they do best, which is go on right-wing TV and grift and bitch and spread right-wing talking points, etc.
Peter Navarro, chief Trump grift-n-bitcher/economics crank, whined that he had a million doses of hydroxybonerviagraprolapse cream that he was totally ready to give to hospitals, but Dr. Fauci wouldn’t let him.
We had a similar experience. We found two unopened bottles of ammonia and some rat traps under our sink, and Dr. Fauci wouldn’t let us cure COVID with those either!
Roger Marshall, another senator who is a doctor (not one we’d ever trust to give us a fucking Band-Aid), went on TV and asked who doesn’t know somebody who had complications from the COVID vaccine.
Finally, below is current reigning title-holder of Stupidest Man In The Senate Tommy Tuberville, pigfucking and bibble-babbling on Newsmax that when he is governor of Alabama, he is going to find a way to prosecute Dr. Fauci and put him in jail for something.
“We lost 20 to 30,000 people in Alabama alone, and I hope every damn one of them sues this Dr. Fauci,” Tuberville explained, about what dead people should do to this Dr. Fauci.
More good Tuberville quotes:
“If we can’t put him in prison, let’s put him in court every day for the rest of his life, where he has to be punished and listened to the deaths that he caused.” Just make him sit there in court! Why? “The vaccine! The death! The lies!”
“Who knows what any of these people that are dyin’ every day are dyin’ from, and a lot of it, I think is from that vaccine that he forced on the people and used us as guinea pigs!” Who among us can forget the time before the COVID vaccine, when no one died?
Tuberville explained that the preemptive pardon Joe Biden gave Fauci was a “federal pardon from an autopen, so that will be contested,” but concluded that “I promise you one thing, we will find out if there’s a possibility that we can bring him to Alabama, to put him in front of a court and a jury, to see if we can put this guy in prison. He killed millions of people, folks. I mean, this was a catastrophe.”
OK, LOL, sure, Senator Jock Itch.
When Tuberville tried to accuse Fauci of killing “nine million people” on Fox Business the host there at least suggested that it’s hard to prove that Fauci did such a thing. Yes we can, he insisted.
“He was in on the gain of function!” said Tommy Tuberville, who can definitely define “gain-of-function research” without asking Grok.
They are going to harass and terrorize this man until he dies if they’re allowed to.
We’ll conclude this article with a good post we saw on Bluesky that captures exactly what Republicans are doing here with Fauci. It applies not only to this situation, but to every single event Republicans try to rewrite after they fuck it up, after their braindead ideas about how the world works are laughed out of the room by reality yet again:
If you need a refresh on your history, check out this link.
Same old fuckin’ shit.
Of course, we would say that, because we’re vaccinated.
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These dumb vicious motherfuckers. How dare they attack Dr. Fauci, a great American hero who saved us from the scourge of COVID. When the vaccine first came out, I would have crawled over broken glass to get the jab, and I wept with relief when the pharmacist gave me the shot.
While reminding voters and taxpayers of the 1.23 Americans Trump and the Republican Party murdered during the Pandemic...
"My unsolicited advice to Republicans for the midterms is to spend every day from now until the election talking about Fauci & Covid. Maybe even promise more Fauci hearings if you retain the majority. Let Rand Paul speak in every swing district/state. Should be a winning formula."
https://bsky.app/profile/ronfilipkowski.bsky.social/post/3mrtaffglps23