Trump DOJ Cases Against Reflecting Pool Touchers/Seashell Photographers Not Going So Hot
Huh, and they seemed like such serious lawyers.
Another day, another update on the series of embarrassments affecting the Trump Justice Department at all times.[
First of all, you are going to be shocked here, but US Attorney Judge Boxwine isn’t doing so hot prosecuting that former Olympian for looking at Trump’s Reflecting Pool, holding his nose and saying “PEEEEE YEW!”'
Now yes, to be sure, Jeanine Pirro is also alleging that she has hot, hard evidence that Olympic canoeist David “Davey” Hearn also stuck his finger in the Reflecting Pool and TORE IT ASUNDER like if Moses forgot to trim his fingernails before parting the Red Sea.
But yeah nah, brah.
You see, as a filing by Hearn’s lawyers explains, one of the most important government witnesses, AKA the only one who said Hearn damaged the Reflecting Pool, “testified that the property was already damaged before Mr. Hearn allegedly touched it; that the same repairs would have been required regardless of Mr. Hearn’s conduct; and that he could not quantify any loss attributable to that conduct.”
Uhhhhh.
“That testimony raises a substantial question whether the grand jury had legally sufficient evidence of the loss element necessary to support the indictment and whether the grand jury was properly instructed on that element.”
Uhhhhh.
“Additionally, other irregularities in the government's presentation of the evidence to the grand jury further call into question whether the grand jury was misled in a manner that substantially influenced the decision to indict and prejudiced Mr. Hearn.”
The Trump Justice Department may be lying to/misusing/drunk-dialing bullshit instructions to a grand jury AGAIN? This is exactly what we have come to expect from the Trump Justice Department and indeed from Judge Boxwine, US Attorney for the Fox News district of US America and also Washington DC!
Those defense lawyers are going to need to see literally everything from the grand jury proceedings, thanks. Time to hand Judge Boxwine her stupid fucking ass again, looks like!
![US Attorney Boxwine Ain't Need Federal Grand Juries, She's Got Her Own [Hic!] Grand Juries!](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xpiU!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa37405c9-03f9-4c20-9709-945dd68c71f9_2722x1406.jpeg)
So that is what is going on with that.
Also, James Comey has asked a federal court to 86 the case against his murder treason Instagram influencer seashells posts. Apparently he and his lawyers don’t think anybody will ever believe the government’s case that Comey taking a picture of some seashells on a beach amounted to a SECRET PLOT TO KILL THE PRESIDENT.
Among other things, their filing explains that “86 47” is a “a well-known political slogan.” Yeah no shit, it’s kinda hard to prove a secret murder plot when the codename is available on merch all over the fucking internet. The filing notes that Comey is a well-known critic of Trump, he’s been talkin’ shit for years, and this is just Trump being a baby and trying to prosecute people who are mean to him. It notes that even if some people’s suggestions that Comey’s Instagram seashells post was supposed to be a signal to other people to hurt Trump were a “viable interpretation” — “and it is not,” they add parenthetically — then “that still would not make the post a true threat — the only crime alleged in the indictment.”
The filing continues with parentheticals like that, in case any idiots might be reading. For example, “Even if Mr. Comey’s post could be plausibly construed as an abstract call to violence (and it cannot), the government’s attempt to prosecute him for that post is antithetical to fundamental First Amendment principles dating to the Founding.”
And then this passage:
To justify this prosecution, the indictment alleges that Mr. Comey’s “86 47” post constitutes a “true threat” on the President’s life. That claim is contradicted by every possible source of meaning: dictionaries, context, precedent, and common sense.
Y’all are all a bunch of fuckin’ dumbasses, it seems to be saying, according to dictionaries, context, precedent, and common sense. And that “Forcing Mr. Comey to stand trial for a statement opposing the President — even if he is ultimately acquitted — would itself be an unconstitutional punishment of free speech.” Which is an important point, since for authoritarian shitbags like the ones currently desperately trying to cling on to control of a nation that loathes them more each day, the mere process of putting people through these kinds of bullshit wringers is itself the punishment, even if they can’t con juries into giving them the convictions they want.
If you’re interested in a very lawyerly analysis of this filing, and a lawyerly tearing part of the government’s “case” against Comey, Joyce White Vance published one last night.
But those are two samples for how things are going for the absolute fucking buffoons at the Trump United States Justice Department, which won’t regain its credibility for generations after this is all over, if ever.
One could say the Trump regime has touched the very vinyl liner of the Reflecting Pool of the American justice system, or mabe just that it’s 86-ed it.
[Reflecting Pool filing / Comey filing]
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The 86 47 nonsense is a version of white fragility, where a Black man frowns and white people scream “Don’t hurt me!” Or wealthy fragility, where Mamdani proposes taxing second homes and rich people act like he’s bringing back the guillotine.
Back in my college days, I made rent waiting tables at a popular pizza'n'beer joint. One time, the manager asked me to 86 an unruly customer. I didn't know I was supposed to *kill* him!