RFK Jr. And Trump Promise To Make Food Poisoning Great Again!
Just wait til they get hold of the FDA.
Have you noticed that there have been far more listeria outbreaks these days than there used to be? Like that Boar’s Head outbreak that killed 10 people earlier this year? Or the one this month that infected our nation’s precious supply of frozen waffles?
Well, there’s a reason for that. You see, in his great wisdom, Donald Trump cut the budgets of the FDA and the USDA, leading to a drop in food safety inspections and a lack of regulatory enforcement. Further regulations were cut during the early stages of the COVID pandemic.
He has promised to go even further, should he be elected a second time, announcing during his Nazi rally on Sunday that he planned to let noted anti-vaccine loon Robert F. Kennedy Jr. “go wild” on “health.”
What does this mean? Well, according to RFK Jr. himself it means …
“FDA’s war on public health is about to end. This includes its aggressive suppression of psychedelics, peptides, stem cells, raw milk, hyperbaric therapies, chelating compounds, ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, vitamins, clean foods, sunshine, exercise, nutraceuticals and anything else that advances human health and can't be patented by Pharma. If you work for the FDA and are part of this corrupt system, I have two messages for you: 1. Preserve your records, and 2. Pack your bags.”
And what about the medbeds, RFK Jr.? What about the medbeds?
More seriously, I need to point out that when he talks about the FDA “suppressing sunshine,” he’s talking about encouraging the use of sunscreen. There are now a whole bunch of (mostly right-wing) anti-sunscreen influencers out there who claim that sunscreen is part of some evil scheme to make people think sunshine is bad for them. One of the big pushers of this theory is RFK Jr.’s buddy and fellow anti-vaxxer, Dr. Joseph Mercola.
But just to be super clear, for the 87,000th time — wear sunscreen all year ‘round and import it from Europe or Asia if you can (because, ironically, the FDA has not approved the more effective ingredients they use there).
But I digress!
This is surely very exciting news for MAGA-land, which tends to be excessively fond of getting or at least risking food poisoning. I mean, they’re just crazy about raw milk, which notably can contain e. coli and listeria, not to mention tuberculosis. Just last week, when it was announced that e. coli had been found in McDonalds Quarter-Pounders, conservatives like Michael Knowles ran directly out to go get one.
And, of course, there’s also a lot of … whatever this is. (Don’t actually recommend watching it unless you have a Zofran on hand.)
You can tell it’s for Trump even if you don’t know who she is, because of how the meat is unseasoned.
“People are seeking raw milk like crazy,” Mark McAfee, owner of Raw Farm USA in Fresno, California, told the Associated Press. “Anything that the FDA tells our customers to do, they do the opposite.”
Now, I really would be the very last person to discourage Trump supporters from going out and living their dreams of getting food poisoning. If they want to rub their kitchens and themselves down with raw chicken, more power to them — so long as they don’t invite anyone to dinner who is not aware of the risk. I’d also prefer they not seek out medical attention, as our emergency rooms should be reserved for those who are nonconsensually poisoned, sickened or injured.
I also encourage them to not wear sunscreen, which is another thing they are very upset about these days.
I am very libertarian as far as this stuff is concerned — I literally do not care what other people do to their bodies as long as it is consensual and they are not harming anyone else. I would even be fine with people refusing to get vaccines for communicable diseases, so long as those people agreed to quarantine themselves forever. Freedom isn’t freedom without informed consent.
Informed consent is the issue here, as well.
Perhaps we could have a nice compromise. The FDA (and USDA) could continue doing safety inspections and regulations, but be clear that they are only directed towards the Left, while actively encouraging Republicans to eat all the contaminated Romaine lettuce they can get their hands on. Encourage the Left to stick to FDA-approved medicines and encourage the Right to manage any illnesses with a combination of at-home chelation kits, ivermectin, and phrenology. That seems like a fair compromise, no?
Dipshits wanna drink "raw milk"? Fine, whatever. Nothing of value will be lost. But de-balling the FDA to the point where there's no more inspections of food processing plants? Fuck that. Private companies will NOT keep their plants pristine because it's in their "rational self-interest" not to poison their customers. The will cut corners for short-term gain at every opportunity, regardless of what happens. As evidence, I offer the entire fucking history of the food processing industry.
On sunscreen:
Dear fellow white people.
As a very very white person myself the question of sunscreen has come up many times. Usually when I tell people that I can burn in under 20 minutes.
But there's some important stuff going on here, so take a second and learn something cool.
You know how lactose intolerance is way more common in Asia? Well, turns out that in Europe we domesticated different cattle and decided to drink milk. So we evolved the ability to tolerate milk from cows. Its basically the most recent way that humans have had an evolutionary change, cool right?
But there's been another change that's not that much older.
See, humans started off in Africa, and its really sunny there and the sun damages skin really badly (seriously, all the old pop stars look like well used leather handbags). So basically anything that lives that close to the equator has a ton of sun protection. For a lot of animals that's hair. Humans overheat if we are that hairy so we have melanin instead.
One problem though, humans need certain nutrients that our bodies can't make. You remember vitamins? Well, vitamin D we do make, but we need sunlight exposure to make it.
What happens when you take people with tons of melanin, make them live really far north were there isn't much sun and nutrition isn't as good?
Rickets. You get things like rickets where bones don't form correctly because we need sun to make vitamin D and vitamin D is critical to calcium uptake and without enough calcium we get wonky bones.
So what happens? Well, evolution means that up north in places like europe, pale skin has a significant advantage (when it comes to vitamin D). So give it a hundred thousand years or so and the people living in a place with less sunlight are more pale. Yeah, ok they have lost their natural protection from the sun, but they have less risk of rickets. Which isn't a bad trade back when nobody had any concept of what a vitamin was.
But it also means that anyone who's white and lives further south than... roughly Kansas City, is living too far south and should be obsessive about protecting their skin (unless they really like the elderly leather handbag look). Just like people with really dark skin who live in Canada should make sure they buy the Milk with the added Vitamin D.
I don't know where I was going with this and I imagine many people here were already aware. I'm mostly just writing to make myself feel better.
Also, who the fuck looks at RFKJr and thinks "Hmmmm, yes, the guy who looks like he bathes paint stripper is the guy to take advice from on skin care. I wonder what his thoughts are on vocal warmup techniques?"
Oh, and like, half of the USA is further south than all of Europe. All ya'll crackers decided to go live in a place where god is trying to give you skin cancer. What the fuck is up with that?