RFK Jr. Didn’t Eat Dog, That Skeleton Was Just The Sexual Assaults In His Closet!

What a f*ckin' creeper.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. did not eat a dog, OK? If you were wondering if Robert F. Kennedy Jr. ate a dog — if this is a picture of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in Korea after a nice dinner of dog-on-a-cob, a literal corn dog — then no, you are mistaken, it is not a picture of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. about to let out a big belch (aren’t you scared of what his burps sound like?) after chowing down on chow.

STOP SCROLLING NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE THE DOG.

NOT DOG.

Vanity Fair explains, in a huge RFK Jr. article that is filled with things like this, that last year, Kennedy texted that picture to his friend and said hey, friend, maybe when you are in Korea, you’ll like to go to this dog restaurant to eat dogs when you are on your trip to Asia. (Racist.) And he sent that picture.

VF says the metadata for the pic is 2010, and points out that’s the same year they found that dead rotting worm inside his brain.

VF had a veterinarian look at the pic, and the vet said yep it is a dog, that it has 13 pairs of ribs, that it has a “floating rib” like dogs have.

RFK Jr. said on Fox News yesterday that HA HA HA no, don’t be silly, that’s not literally a picture of RFK Jr. having dog, HA HA HA, what do you think he is, some kind of contestant on “Who Wants To Have The Next Sex With Kristi Noem?” (He did not make that joke, he’s not funny like we are.)

RFK Jr. told Martha MacCallum that he was actually in Patagonia and they were eating goat. He then proceeded to bitch and moan and say Vanity Fair made claims it did not make.

He did not make similar denials about the sexual assault allegations in the VF article.

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In fact, in response to allegations that he sexually assaulted the family babysitter, he said, on The Hill’s “Breaking Points,” that “I am not a church boy,” that he had a “very, very rambunctious youth” and that he has “so many skeletons in my closet, that if they could all vote, I could run for king of the world.” He also said, “I am who I am.” And then he made more sounds, but not denials of sexual assault.

So there you have it!

As we said, this Vanity Fair article is so full of sick shit about Robert F. Kennedy Jr. we’re left to wonder who exactly Dark Brandon-ed this intel out into the world at this exact time, not that we are a conspiracy theorist.

Read the whole thing when you need to spend some time on the toilet, or skip it entirely if you think RFK Jr. is a sick fuck and you don’t want to read about him.

Among its revelations:

When RFK Jr. was married to his second wife Mary Richardson, he was always texting his friends pictures of women’s genitals. They figured he took the pics, but weren’t sure the women had given permission to have their junk photographed, or sent to RFK Jr.’s friends. “When one friend lost his phone, he panicked that somebody might discover the images.”

Then there are the allegations about the babysitter, whose name was Eliza Cooney. She lived with the Kennedys in Mount Kisco, New York, when she was 23, in 1998. She had worked for other Kennedy siblings in Hyannis Port. There were several instances, according to her diary, which the VF writer Joe Hagan says he’s read.

One night Cooney attended a meeting in the family kitchen with Kennedy and another young Riverkeeper volunteer named Murray Fisher to discuss business when she felt Kennedy’s hand moving up and down her leg under the table. She tried making sense of the incident in her diary, which I have read. In an entry dated November 7, 1998, she wrote:

From everything everybody says about the Kennedys + their Babysitters, they had me worried. Like I have to watch out, be careful. And the other night in the kitchen w/ Murray I could have sworn he was touching my leg + hand. It seemed like he thought I was somebody else or wasn’t paying attention. Like he would come to every once in a while and snap out of it or I would move away. It was like he was on something or really tired or was missing Mary or was testing me.

“In the back of my mind, I was hoping it wasn’t what it actually was,” says Cooney, now 48. (Reached for comment, Fisher says he worked closely with Cooney and liked her, but wasn't aware of her alleged experiences with Kennedy at the time, and feels bad for her.)

Then there was the time she said she found Kennedy in her bedroom, while her diary, which “chronicled her daily activities and detailed her romantic life with a boyfriend, was open next to her bed.” At which point he, shirtless, asked her to please “rub some lotion on his back.”

“I thought, Isn’t Mary home?” she recalls. “Doesn’t she do this for you?”

She did it reluctantly and quickly. “It was totally inappropriate,” she says, adding that she stopped recording these experiences in her journal, fearing Kennedy would read them.

A few months later, Cooney says, she was rifling through the kitchen pantry for lunch after a yoga class, still in her sports bra and leggings, when Kennedy came up behind her, blocked her inside the room, and began groping her, putting his hands on her hips and sliding them up along her rib cage and breasts. “My back was to the door of the pantry, and he came up behind me,” she says, describing the alleged sexual assault. “I was frozen. Shocked.”

He was interrupted by a worker who entered the kitchen. To announce his presence, the man, according to Cooney, said something like, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” or “Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your wife to know about.”

He denied eating the dog. But he didn’t deny all that!

There are other really fucked up stories, like about the time Kennedy and his now-wife Cheryl Hines went to Samoa in 2019 to do his anti-vaxxer dog-and-pony show (no dogs harmed). You see, two kids had died after having the MMR vaccine, though it wasn’t because the vaccine itself was unsafe, but because the nurses who gave the vaccines fucked it up.

That’s when predator RFK Jr. got involved:

Kennedy’s nonprofit took to social media to hype the deaths as evidence of vaccine dangers.

Under public pressure, the Samoan prime minister Tuilaepa Sailele Malielegaoi halted MMR vaccines on the island. In June of 2019 Kennedy and Hines flew to Samoa, lending celebrity wattage to local anti-vaccine advocates, giving press interviews, and taking a private meeting with the PM.

Over the ensuing months, the island was hit by the largest measles outbreak in its history, infecting 5,707 citizens and killing 83 people, most of them children. The outbreak was so lethal, the prime minister declared a state of emergency and ordered mandatory vaccinations, eventually curtailing the spread. Later one of Kennedy’s biggest critics, a pediatrician and member of the FDA’s advisory committee on vaccines, Paul Offit, told PBS that “Robert F. Kennedy Jr. had everything to do with that. And that shows you how disinformation can kill.”

If you’re keeping track, that’s 83 dead people, mostly kids; one sexual assault victim; and whatever that carcass in the picture up there is.

Ha ha! But not dog, though! (He also told Chris Cuomo yesterday that “There’s two things I wouldn’t eat. Well, three. I wouldn’t eat a human, I wouldn’t eat a monkey, and I wouldn’t eat a dog.” You decide if that sounds like a statement or a confession.)

Also, VF reminds us that Kennedy’s face looks like that because he, the anti-vaxxer weirdo fucking creeper, thinks he’s doing things to make himself healthier and hotter:

When Kennedy emerged as a candidate for president, in April 2023, his body and face had become transfigured by what he has called a regimen of “organic testosterone.” Kennedy showed off his unusually puffy body in campaign workouts, going shirtless in an infamous push-up video. “I mean, he’s unrecognizable,” says a family intimate who has known him for decades. “It’s like a body-snatching thing.”

Cool guy. Just a real cool guy.

Again, read the whole thing, it’s all kinds of fucked up.

[Vanity Fair / videos via Justin Baragona / Republicans Against Trump]

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