RFK Jr. Pal/Anti-Vaccine Kook Robert Malone IS NOT* Very Messy Bitch Who Lives For Drama!
*Is.
In a scenario that I am choosing to believe involved a cape, a Lilly Daché turban, and a long cigarette holder, anti-vaccine activist Dr. Robert Malone — the one who spent the pandemic loudly proclaiming that he was the “inventor” of MRNA vaccines (he was not) and was here to warn everyone that they were bad and would kill us all — loudly exited the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices on Tuesday, on the grounds that there was too much “drama” and no one appreciated his genius.
More specifically, he left because last week a federal judge determined that the way Robert F. Kennedy Jr. disbanded the entire panel and filled it with a bunch of unvetted anti-vax freaks who “appear distinctly unqualified,” along with the way those freaks subsequently ignored the usual scientific process for making changes to the childhood vaccine schedule, was very illegal.
Malone was very offended by the ruling, telling the press that the judge “slandered me” and “completely overlooked my actual C.V. and experience.”
The panel has now been disbanded (at least temporarily), but Dr. Malone says he will not rejoin, even if we all beg and plead for him to come back. Because, just in case it was not clear, he is not a messy bitch who lives for drama (but is also absolutely a messy bitch who lives for drama).
He made this clear in some very intense text messages to both Roll Call, which first reported his exit, and The New York Times:
Via Roll Call:
“After Andrew trashing me with the press, I am done with the CDC and ACIP,” Malone said in a text message Tuesday morning. “That was the last straw.”
“Suffice to say I do not like drama, and have better things to do,” Malone added.
You hear that? He doesn’t need the panel! He doesn’t need anything. Except an ashtray. That’s all he needs. And a paddle-ball game. And a lamp. But nothing else!
The “Andrew” he speaks of is Department of Health and Human Services spokesman Andrew Nixon, who publicly contradicted Malone after he tweeted, following the ruling, that the government would likely just “recreate a new ACIP committee, as this will take less time than would be required to file and prosecute an appeal.”
Via the New York Times:
“If offered the opportunity to participate in a relaunched A.C.I.P., I will respectfully decline,” Dr. Malone said in a text message.
“This was not an impulsive decision,” he said.
“Hundreds of hours of uncompensated labor, incredible hate from many quarters, hostile press, internal bickering, weaponized leaking, sabotage,” he added. “I have better things to do.”
Malone then poured gasoline all over Nixon’s car, set it ablaze and walked away like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale, because, again, he haaaaates drama.
It is not clear what “better” things he has to do, since it seems doubtful that he has any future career in science, and even this administration is looking to back off on the anti-vaccine nonsense ahead of the midterms. Perhaps it takes a lot of time to incessantly retweet QAnon-coded accounts on X the Everything App?
The other “last straw” for Malone, he told the Times, was his feud with Dr. Joseph Hibbeln, the lone kind-of-sane person on the panel. In response to his comments, Hibbeln noted that Malone’s stated distaste for drama “contrasts with his prior dramatic and confusing statements.”
Yes, because legally, the person who says they hate drama is always the drama. That is just how this works. Do these people not watch Bravo?
“It is good that Dr. Malone wishes now to decrease drama regarding vaccines,” Hibbeln added, though we assume he is aware that Dr. Malone wishes to do no such thing.
It’s still not clear what the administration plans to do with regards to the panel. While Nixon called Malone’s assertion “baseless speculation,” acting Centers for Disease Control head Jay Bhattacharya reportedly told (former?) ACIP chair Kirk Milhoan that they did, indeed, plan to disband the panel and select new members rather than going through with the appeal.
One former member of the panel told The Guardian that they thought it would be nice if they “follow the law” this time and perhaps even appoint some “competent scientists.” That does sound lovely, although they’d probably have to know a few of them in order to do that, which does seem unlikely.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
The Wonkette writers are *slaying* it with pop culture humor today, and welp, I could not be more delighted.
For one brief moment when I saw the lead photo I thought they had reanimated the corpse of Kenny Rogers.