Sad Horn! Elon Musk Exits Government, Takes Stephen Miller’s Wife With Him
He had joy, he had fun, he had seasons in the sun.
Elon Musk’s time as head of DOGE has come to a close, with a press conference scheduled for 1:30 p.m. Eastern for Dear Leader to thank Best Buddy for putting nearly 300,000 federal workers out of work, and killing more than 200,000 people, mostly children, by disease and starvation. An estimated 1,500 babies are being born HIV-positive every day since January 21, because Musk cut off their mothers’ medication, but that is the price Elon is willing to pay to end USAID’s investigation of Starlink’s dirty doings in Ukraine.
Trump hasn’t respected any other law, so surely he could find a workaround to keep Musk in his orbit if he wanted to. But alas, and also, as it happens, cases are pending at the Supreme Court that could lead to DOGE’s opaque dealings being FOIA’d, and his minions getting kicked out of government systems.
Meanwhile, Musk’s companies are circling the drain, because nobody wants to buy his self-immolating cars any more, and he needs to deal with all that before his own board fires him. Also, the New York Times reports that he has taken so much ketamine he pees himself, has been taking Ecstasy, mushrooms and Adderall, is struggling with disordered eating, and is pre-occupied with the dramas that come with a harem of angry, under-compensated ladies trying to raise his brood of children.
Anyway, Truthed Dear Leader yesterday:
I am having a Press Conference tomorrow at 1:30 P.M. EST, with Elon Musk, at the Oval Office. This will be his last day, but not really, because he will, always, be with us, helping all the way. Elon is terrific! See you tomorrow at the White House.
… and when Donald Trump saw only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that Elon had carried him!
Watch along and play taps on your fart machine for the end of Musk’s 130-day-tenure as a temporary government employee / head of the not-a-real government agency which Musk either single-handedly controlled or had nothing to do with beyond some vague “advising” during his ice cream sleepovers at the White House, depending on who is asking:
Any clarity, Karoline Leavitt, on who will be leading DOGE now?
It’s all of them! Or none of them!
What DOGE has not found: waste, widespread fraud or abuse.
Musk huffed that MILLIONS of fraudsters and dead people were getting checks from Social Security, but they were not. He declared that there was going to be a BIG BUST, real soon, at a rally for Brad Schimel back in April: “This is someone who actually stole 400,000 Social Security numbers and personal information from the Social Security database, and was selling Social Security numbers and all of all the identification information in order for people to basically steal money from Social Security.”
But, that guy never materialized, that BIG BUST never happened, and neither did any others, beyond the tiny handful of identity-theft attempts that were caught by the SSA’s fraud prevention measures that are already in place.
And according to data on DOGE’s own website, nearly 40 percent of the contracts it cancelled saved taxpayers nothing, and many were not even contracts.
Musk said he was going to cut $2 trillion, or $1 trillion, but the cuts add up to $175 billion at most, not enough to make a dent in the $1.8 trillion deficit. In comparison, the taxpayers’ bucks as Trump has spent on golf so far ($26 million taxpayer dollars this term, $151.5 million in the last), and peanut crumbs compared to the Blowies for Billionaires bill, which is projected to add $5.3 trillion to the deficit.
And what’s that, DOGE is also costing taxpayers money? $135 billion, you say?
What DOGE did done do: find a way to weaken the powers of the federal government! Weaponize the legal system’s slowness to break laws as fast as possible, until a judge steps in to stop them. A rainbow to a pot of gold: private Social Security and tax information of everybody in America, which could be used and abused in ways only bound by one’s imagination. Some of it has already been sent to a server in Russia, said a whistleblower. Spying on Americans like East Germany, or outsourcing that job to Russia? Only Big Balls really knows!
And DOGE did fuckups, very many fuckups, including Social Security declaring dead people who were not actually dead, and firing more than 24,000 people that the government had to scramble to re-hire, including hundreds of nuclear technicians essential to national security, who were hard to find because DOGE had ALSO deleted their home phone numbers. Elon’s best and brightest, everyone!
But DOGE time has been a boon for Musk and his circle: Democratic senators allege that DOGE employees own stock in companies that benefit from the gutting-work and privatization going on, surprise surprise. And personal benefits for Elon, as his companies survive through billions in government contracts, loans, subsidies and tax credits, and now the 32 investigations into his companies have been neutralized! And tariffed countries are feeling officially encouraged to buy subscriptions to Starlink, if they know what is good for them.
DOGE also found jobs for its secretive group of Musk loyalists, who have infested government agencies like termites, digesting all of their data into databases and installing code for shadowy reasons. And DOGE found bunch of words! It control-F-deleted 883,700 words from regulatory texts, because deleting words also deletes the law around those words, obviously.
And, Elon Musk found Stephen Miller’s wife.
Miller and his to-be wife Katie met figuring out how to separate children from their parents at the border, then she married him at a Trump Hotel and apparently engaged in sexual intercourse with him at least three times.
Katie’s former college classmates at the University of Florida described her thusly: “The only thing she loves or values in this world is power. Anyone she attaches to in her life is simply a pawn to feed her addiction to it” and “From day one, she wanted to associate herself with whatever existing power structure there was.” A match made in heaven! But watch out for a power-hungry gal, especially when she has YOLO tattooed on her lower lip!
CNN reports Mrs. Miller is departing from Lord Trump’s service where she was also a “special employee,” which allowed her to keep her job as a PR consultant for businesses like LIV Golf at the same time, and now will be taking a job working for Musk full-time.
Then Mr. Miller and Musk got into a mild online disagreement, with Musk criticizing the Big Beautiful Blowies Bill as disappointing, and Mr. Miller pushing back that DOGE cuts weren’t related to the spending bill, and the BBB is super great.
And Mrs. Miller re-posted the Musk quote that “DOGE is a way of life, like Buddhism,” which sounds like what Diddy would say about assistant jobs at Bad Boy records.
Does this mean all is unwell in MAGA paradise? Guess it’s a baked-in problem when you’re into eugenics as a couple: It only makes sense for your partner to run the minute a more alpha male shakes his vial of sperm at her.
Anyway, don’t let the door hit ya where the Lord split ya, Elon Musk. Looking forward to Republicans throwing you under the bus, which is already happening. Raise your hand if you called that one!
So predictable.
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Press conference started a 1/2 hour late and Musk looks jump-scare bad. Maybe it's the Ozempic but he looks like he's aged 20 years since January, and has a grey pallor.
It’s very on-brand for a Nazi to be a drug abuser.
Anyway, in this most cursed of weeks, we get a reveal on the MillerMusk thruple AND the Glem Greenwald foot fetishist sex tape. Truly, we live in the worst timeline. 🤮