Serious Media Real Mad Joe Biden’s Granddaughter Got Married Without Them

What’s with these people?

President Joe Biden’s granddaughter Naomi Biden got married this weekend. You might recall her from when she conclusively proved that GOP Sen. Marco Rubio was less intelligent than the average fifth grader.

“Ok—suspend reality and believe you would actually read a bill. The bill is 80 pages & ~13,000 words. The average 5th grader reads ~180 words per min. This means a 5th grader could read this bill in just over an hour. You had that for this vote & 30 hours until the actual vote.”

— Naomi Biden (@Naomi Biden) 1655857971 

The wedding was held at the White House, where Joe Biden lives. It’s a reasonable perk, considering Donald Trump used the White House for campaign events, including the Republican National Convention. 

Naomi Biden, 28, married Peter Neal, 25, on the White House South Lawn Saturday. She looked lovely in a custom Ralph Lauren Collection gown made of Chantilly lace. According to People magazine, "the design features hand-placed organza petals along the bodice and cascading into the skirt. She paired the dress with a cathedral-length veil made of silk organza with a custom Chantilly lace border and embroidered detailing and Tiffany & Co. jewels.” Peter Neal wore a nice suit.

This was the first wedding on White House grounds since 2013 when presidential photographer Pete Souza married Patti Lease in the Rose Garden. It’s also the first ever White House wedding for the grandchild of a sitting president. The press, however, did not receive an invitation. Naomi Biden is Hunter Biden’s daughter, so maybe the family wanted a break from questions about Hunter's laptop.

NBC News’s Senior White House Correspondent Kelly O’Donnell lamented, "The bride and groom could have chosen a private space to hold a private wedding. Using the White House which belongs to the American people gives this event a public component and thus the WH press should have been approved to cover a portion of the event for historical record.”

Imagine wanting to attend a stranger's wedding so desperately! It’s like the press wanted to stalk Naomi Biden’s wedding like she was Connie Corleone. (We hope Naomi Biden's marriage is happier.) This wedding had no compelling public interest. No one cares how the dry chicken tasted or why the best man’s speech rambled on for so long.

Joe Biden turned 80 Sunday and CNN’s Kate Bennett seemed to suggest that maybe his granddaughter got married this weekend to take his mind off his own mortality. She wrote:  

One day following the nuptials, Biden will mark his spot in American history as the only octogenarian president, a numerical milestone that shines a spotlight on a primary issue plaguing Biden with his opponents: his age. Despite a spate of recent wins – better-than-projected midterm elections for Democrats, a relatively gaffe-less trip to Egypt and Asia, and a lackluster presidential announcement from his old rival, Donald Trump – Biden cannot shake being the oldest commander-in-chief America has ever had.

Bennett speculated that a big, fancy 20-something wedding helped put a “youthful spin” on President Ozymandias’s birthday. Presumably, whenever Joe Biden confronted his own darkening temporal horizon, he could distract himself with life-affirming scenes of guests dancing the Electric Slide. Bennett cites two anonymous people "familiar with the planning of the wedding” who claim it wasn’t a coincidence that Naomi Biden’s big day was scheduled over the same weekend as her grandfather's Viking funeral and that the president doesn’t like highlighting “the age issue.” Who does?

Eager to center themselves in this story, Maura Judkis, Tyler Pager and Jada Yuan at the Washington Post wrote about how they worked around Naomi Biden’s wishes for a press-free wedding. It was like the pitch for a more obnoxious Wedding Crashers sequel.

How do you tell the story of a wedding you weren’t invited to attend — one hosted in what may be the most public-yet-exclusive place in America to say “I do?”

You get creative. You stand outside the White House on a crispy coldSaturday morning with the rest of the excluded media, using binoculars to get a glimpse of Naomi Biden’s wedding dress. (Long sleeves, high neckline, lace! Which, when the close-up photos materialized, turned out to be Ralph Lauren.) You comb through social media looking for details slipped by friends, wedding guests, the hired help. You wait for guests to leave the secure perimeter, and politely accost them for all the details. You follow the bride’s aesthetician on Instagram.

Dear God, these people are pathetic. They’re bragging about acting like scuzzy paparazzi for the sleaziest tabloid. Naomi Biden holds no political office and isn’t even a phony “senior adviser” to her grandfather, and the media couldn’t let her get married in peace.

Anyway, best wishes to Naomi Biden and our sincere congratulations to Peter Neal. Sorry that you’re starting your life together in a cloud of nonsense.

[ CNN / Washington Post ]

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